Discussion guilt over abandoning interests in death

[siphon_hyphen]

This is very very silly, but I guess it felt worth talking about anyway!

I am autistic, if all this doesn't make it obvious enough. I get very deeply attached to things I like.

Hollow Knight is a very big thing of importance to me, and has been for years. I am extremely suicidal, but sometimes I find myself thinking about how sad it makes me feel to think of abandoning it! Like... I know it's just a game, but it got me through so much. It has become such a core part of me, that it makes me upset to think of letting it go. Like I'm failing it, or myself, somehow.

Does anyone else feel this way about any specific things? Not people or pets. About something that literally can not know you died, and that also can't care. I'd be curious to hear other people's stories.

 

[balladeer]

Yes one thing that brings my mind at ease is to believe that the afterlife is a place which you could reunite with all the things you have loved in the mortal realm, including your interests and all the things you have experienced throughout your life, kinda like a flashback :)

 

[orphy]

I don't think that is silly at all.

ASD likely is an influential component in this, yes.

I feel similarly about music, especially classical music. Some of it has gotten me through very dark years. There are a few other mediums I'd feel somewhat upset to "leave behind" as well, even though they are incapable of caring.

Even then, I think it's quite beautiful that we can become so deeply attuned to a song, game, show, book, or anything of the like that it keeps us alive, if only for a little longer.

I'm certain many can relate to what you just shared. I hope Hollow Knight can keep a hold on you for a good while. I wish you the best.

 

[siphon_hyphen]

I don't think that is silly at all.

ASD likely is an influential component in this, yes.

I feel similarly about music, especially classical music. Some of it has gotten me through very dark years. There are a few other mediums I'd feel somewhat upset to "leave behind" as well, even though they are incapable of caring.

Even then, I think it's quite beautiful that we can become so deeply attuned to a song, game, show, book, or anything of the like that it keeps us alive, if only for a little longer.

I'm certain many can relate to what you just shared. I hope Hollow Knight can keep a hold on you for a good while. I wish you the best.

Very well put. Being able to have these little things, being able to feel such wonder over other people's creations, is one of the incredible things about life, I think. Sometimes, it feels like there's love all around, in a way. That it doesn't just have to come from living things. That we can love other things so wholly, and it's still just as real. I really like that.

 

[webb&flow]

special interests seriously help to take the mind off death <3<3 a real part of suicide is feeling like your actions have no consequences, feeling like your energy and effort goes nowhere. in a special interest, your effort and focus flow beautifully into witnessing something you love and are so curious of and want to know more about.

i think you should feed more into your special interests. it is doing real work to make not only less painful but more flowing with love and awe as well. that is pursuit of happiness. special interests excite our nerves and make our spirits flow in wild, vivacious currents.

i rlly love your status siphon_hyphon!!! (and btw that is such a fantastic username haha ^^~)

taking advantage of what I can!

i think the heart of this post is all about that :)

---

Very well put. Being able to have these little things, being able to feel such wonder over other people's creations, is one of the incredible things about life, I think. Sometimes, it feels like there's love all around, in a way. That it doesn't just have to come from living things. That we can love other things so wholly, and it's still just as real. I really like that.

Very well put yourself, siphon_hyphon ;).

Your words remind me of something I myself wrote once~ it is beautiful that different people coming from different ways may come to similar ideas, hehe~. The discovery of your own idea is equally beautiful and original—thank you for developing your inspiration into this message I read now from you siphon!! ^^

here's what your words reminds me of~ ^^

A relationship, like any thing in our lives, can have a positive affect in our lives that has the capability to foster further positive change (given, there is sufficient quality in how your partner approaches the link between you and them).
We have relationships with countless facets of reality; not just people—with art, with beauty, with curiosity, creation, experience, taste, euphoria, surprise, fascination, wanting, pain, catharsis, insight, stillness, music, noise; and most profoundly, our very own inner thoughts.
[…]
Go on and explore all the kinds of relationships you have! People are one facet of this fascination—there are many more, as well. When you feel you tire to talk with another person, there are many other agents of reality, that we may interact with· as well. The faces and inner viscera of a book, the voices of instruments, the sensual sensations of visuals—it seems our friendship need not end where the gaps between us and other people begin. If there is salvation within people, it spills out of them and into every soaky perfusement of this world's richened elaboration, as well. I encourage you to seek this curiosity—and realize that you too are a creator of this. Yes, you!

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i have this kind of attachment to godzilla and minecraft. i feel guilt over leaving them when i die, and over the fact that my minecraft world which is single player will never be added to anymore. i also feel guilt over the fact my fanfiction stories (which i havent added too in a long time anyway) about godzilla will be over and their story wont continue.

 

[markhuxy1969]

This is very very silly, but I guess it felt worth talking about anyway!

I am autistic, if all this doesn't make it obvious enough. I get very deeply attached to things I like.

Hollow Knight is a very big thing of importance to me, and has been for years. I am extremely suicidal, but sometimes I find myself thinking about how sad it makes me feel to think of abandoning it! Like... I know it's just a game, but it got me through so much. It has become such a core part of me, that it makes me upset to think of letting it go. Like I'm failing it, or myself, somehow.

Does anyone else feel this way about any specific things? Not people or pets. About something that literally can not know you died, and that also can't care. I'd be curious to hear other people's stories.

I feel that way about science and the discoveries I'll miss if I leave.

 

[rorosbones]

i absolutely understand you, i'm autistic too and i feel the same way about my interests. my special interests were some of the only things keeping me going for a while, and just abandoning them like that is so sad to think about

 

[Tautochrome]

For me it's the countless projects I started and put effort into, only to leave them unfinished. I remember the feeling of temporary pride tied to them.

 

[burninghill]

I felt this way about sonic in the peak of my suicidality last year. I felt like I loved the series too much to die yet and it truly was the only thing keeping me alive for a while.