Goodbye Thread.

[J1214]

Anyone open to chat as I go through this?

Lighting a candle for you, friend. I hope you find peace.

Thank you my friend.

Thank you for being with me.

I wish you the best.
Update:

Will be a while before family goes to sleep.

Got hit with a major blow today that is increasing my want to CTB.

My love, my Soul Mate, the one I can't live without.

I had to end things because my family did not approve and I don't want them to take any action against my Love.

 

[Neon Grave]

How are you doing?

 

[J1214]

How are you doing?

Update:

Not so good.

I didn't do it again.

I'm so afraid of dying.

I don't know when I'll CTB.

Might be today, might be tomorrow, or it could be next week.

 

[J1214]

Update:

When I do it I'm going to drink SN and go to the river and drown myself.

One has got to work.

Thank you everyone. See you all later.

 

[lita-lassi]

you're not alone update as often as you like and there's no judgements on this end whatever decision you make, just hope you find find peace either way

 

[J1214]

you're not alone update as often as you like and there's judgements on this end whatever decision you make, just hope you find find peace either way

Thank you.

I didn't think this would be that hard.

 

[divinemistress36]

S

Thank you.

I didn't think this would be that hard.

survival instincts is a bitch

 

[lita-lassi]

its the most permanent move there is, so our brains arent really equipped to deal with it. it seems every aspect of life, including death, has to have an element of kicking and screaming to it correlated to the impact of the actions did you think about your playlist some more? or what other food you may consume in the time frame?

 

[J1214]

I

its the most permanent move there is, so our brains arent really equipped to deal with it. it seems every aspect of life, including death, has to have an element of kicking and screaming to it correlated to the impact of the actions did you think about your playlist some more? or what other food you may consume in the time frame?

Thank you for this. Kinda having a breakdown right now about it and your words helped calm me down.
I keep forgetting about the luxury that is listening to something while dying. I have a video in my playlist that is from a movie. The rest our songs like Frogs by Alice In Chains and After Dark by Mr. Kitty.

 

[billie]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[J1214]

S

survival instincts is a bitch

Personally, it sucks on a thousand more levels because when my anxiety goes up so does nausea. Not good when my method is SN.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

I hope that dying includes learning all the mysteries of the universe.

 

[divinemistress36]

Personally, it sucks on a thousand more levels because when my anxiety goes up so does nausea. Not good when my method is SN.

Thats what prevents me to

 

[Iloveher]

Went to the same tree about 2 times with a rope and convinced I was going to end it all . Put the rope around and waited for the impulse , I could imagine doing it but didnt manage to.
I then got drunk hoping it will help me go throught with it and it was even worse, I feel asleep next to the tree. Good thing I woke up before anyone saw me there with a rope around my neck.
Anyway hope you find your peace somehow, be strong

 

[lita-lassi]

i think your playlist sounds lovely, and i hope it helps ease some anxieties

 

[J1214]

Update:

I finally drank some SN.

I'm waiting for whatever comes next.

Feeling nauseous right now. Is that to be expected?

Also, can SN take a while to be absorbed?

I ate a burger.

Will this slow down the absorption?

My lips are turning blue. I think my fingernails are to.

Feeling dizzy.

Update:

Vomited, a lot of vomit.

 

[divinemistress36]

Update:

I finally drank some SN.

I'm waiting for whatever comes next.

Feeling nauseous right now. Is that to be expected?

Also, can SN take a while to be absorbed?

I ate a burger.

Will this slow down the absorption?

My lips are turning blue. I think my fingernails are to.

Feeling dizzy.

Update:

Vomited, a lot of vomit.

Since you ate its mostly likely not going to kill you but you will probably continue to throw up a lot

 

[J1214]

Since you ate its mostly likely not going to kill you but you will probably continue to throw up a lot

 

[divinemistress36]

How are you feeling?

 

[J1214]

How are you feeling?

Light headed, tinnitus, and veins are popping out more. Having some vertigo I think. Never had vertigo before so I don't know 100 % if that is what I'm experiencing.

 

[Neon Grave]

I'm so sorry you're struggling my friend. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[J1214]

I'm so sorry you're struggling my friend. I hope you feel better soon.

Update:

Head is triumphing in the back. Nausea still. Shanking,

Going to try again. This time I'm going to fast for 8 hours.

 

[Traveller12724]

I am so sorry my friend but you really have to follow the protocol or not do it at all otherwise you are just damaging yourself for no reason at all, why make things worse while still alive ? Did you take the time to study the method ?

 

[divinemistress36]

You should go to the ER

 

[Neon Grave]

Update:

Head is triumphing in the back. Nausea still. Shanking,

Going to try again. This time I'm going to fast for 8 hours.

This has been your only message since Wednesday... I wonder how you're doing :(

I'm sorry you had to go through the pain. I hope that maybe this means you found your peace, though.

 

[Kusogaki]

I wish you the best of luck Are you still with us. Are you still with us

 

[Timothy7dff]

Research. Practice. Then, do it.

 

[hearthewind]

Are you okay now? Did you get help?

 

[J1214]

Update!

I failed my attempt and ended up in the ER, a behavioral institution, and without any electronic devices for a period of time because my family got a hold of them and it took a bit to get them to trust me with them.

How am I?

Physically I'm fine with the only lasting effect that could be due to medication is an upset stomach that has lead to multiple instances of vomiting.

Mentally?

Split.

One half wants life, the other wants death.

While I did plan ahead, buying and taking the SN were two impulsive decisions and I beg anyone to not be like me.

Good luck to you all.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

Update!

I failed my attempt and ended up in the ER, a behavioral institution, and without any electronic devices for a period of time because my family got a hold of them and it took a bit to get them to trust me with them.

How am I?

Physically I'm fine with the only lasting effect that could be due to medication is an upset stomach that has lead to multiple instances of vomiting.

Mentally?

Split.

One half wants life, the other wants death.

While I did plan ahead, buying and taking the SN were two impulsive decisions and I beg anyone to not be like me.

Good luck to you all.

@J1214 will you share what protocol you last used that failed? Did you end up calling for emergency help?

 

[CatLvr]

Update!

I failed my attempt and ended up in the ER, a behavioral institution, and without any electronic devices for a period of time because my family got a hold of them and it took a bit to get them to trust me with them.

How am I?

Physically I'm fine with the only lasting effect that could be due to medication is an upset stomach that has lead to multiple instances of vomiting.

Mentally?

Split.

One half wants life, the other wants death.

While I did plan ahead, buying and taking the SN were two impulsive decisions and I beg anyone to not be like me.

Good luck to you all.

Bless your heart. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. Your half that wants to live is not ready to go. Be gentle with yourself. I'm glad you are still here.