Story Goodbye thread 👋

[PrettyKitty]

Update I ate food/ 500 cal worth of food I threw it up out of gulit overall ate 200 cal since i threw up 300.
I hate myself more yey my head is poundig my heart is beating fast and hard and i have cheat pain

 

[Holu]

Update I ate food/ 500 cal worth of food I threw it up out of gulit overall ate 200 cal since i threw up 300.
I hate myself more yey my head is poundig my heart is beating fast and hard and i have cheat pain

Poor baby :((((( you did good. Deep breath. Get a good night of sleep. Think about it tomorrow. Don't beat urself up abojt it too much. We are here for you regardless of what happens okay. Gl on ur journey

 

[kadjflakflajlk]

I hope everything turned out well for you.

wrong tense

 

[goblinknob]

if you are planning on starving yourself for weeks, be mindful of refeeding symptom. You might have problems if you have a normal meal after not eating for weeks, usually you are supposed to reintroduce the food gradually and start by eating something small.

 

[vaguebluur]

Update: Starving day 4 things were pretty bad yesterday almost passed out and saw a flash of colors I had to eat Easter dinner so I just cut things into tiny pieces I only ate the carrots and some bites of the mash potatoes because my dad was watching me eat. I went to the bathroom to try to throw it up I don't think I even ate enough to throw up anyways. The only thing I'm allowing into my fast is coffee/with a bit of milk and sugar 40-60 cal. I also take diet pills 2 times a day to aid weight loss. As well as exercise 1-3 hours a day depending on how tired or weak I am. Am I don't have a scale (gotten taken away due to my ed) I will be using clothes I have to see when there loose on me (using a medium size shorts that are not that loose) I want them to be oversized on me at some point so0

I will update this post a bit throughout the day If i get pains/pass out or anything!

please get help your not meant to die yet i can tell

 

[charlotte_]

I've seen you previous threads, and I'm really sorry that recovery didn't work out for you. But even so, I won't intefere with your decision. I hope things go well and whatever path you choose, may it brings you the most peace

 

[juxtajuno]

i'm sorry that things had to come to this. i also struggle with body image issues/anorexia so i completely understand how you feel. i hope your passing is peaceful. <3

 

[Larysa]

What an adorable little girl. I am so sorry.

 

[wtg]

Hello I'm Niki I'm 18 years old and have been struggling with suicide since I was 11.
Here's some stuff I wrote on others things on what's going on in my life and some reasons I want to CTB is i need a reason.

I really want to die am planning it out tonight/ body issues

I do really think I'm fat I don't know if I have bdd but all look in to it thank you for your response also I love your pfp reminds me of that Nyan cat games thing much love 💗 I am about your exact size and the "normal" part of my brain knows that I am not fat and looking at your photo, I...

sanctioned-suicide.net

My suicide attempts my story.

Since I was 11 Ive been struggling with BPD, Social Anxiety Disorder/General Anxiety, ADHD, Dyslexia and Lyme disease. I tried to commit suicide the first time when I was 11 by overdose. That's also around the time I started self harming. I think got into a abusive relationship around 14-15 ish...

sanctioned-suicide.net

If you would like to look at them you can they share a lot of what's going on in my head and life.

Over the years like I've said I've struggled with suicide and self harm a lot and I've never felt so hopeless, lost in my entire life. I feel worthless and disgusting to everybody around me no matter how hard I try I'm not enough. There's so many people who say they care about me or love me but than they ignore me at my lowest or hurt me so badly.
I miss being a kid and hugging my teddy bear watching movies with my amazing sister. Even if I was abused back than it was nicer than now. When I was really little though my dad didnt hurt me. It was a fun simpler time for me. I was never ever sad back than.

I attached a picture of me when I was a kid with my dad (his face is blurred out) due to privacy and I don't want people searching him up.

THE PLAN:
I've been starving myself for 3 days now, so in 2 weeks to a month maybe less than that depending what happens, all be staving myself to be slimmer before i die ) i got bad body issues and wanna die somewhat skinnier.

The day I quit the diet.
All wake up that morning still countine not eating till around 1 am.
At 1 am I will get ready nice clothes bath everything.
Sit down and break my fast with the last meal I will ever have.
Than I will set up the rope (full suspension) from the top of my ceiling
I will than kick the chair under away and hope everything goes well
All also be barricading my door so nobody can come in (incase I get caught or heard.

I have failed partial hanging before so that's why I'm doing full, I've researched everything about this method but for the next week or two I will be constantly looking into it to make sure I get it right.
If you would like to message me or anything I'd love to have some friends on here to talk too.
I will be updating my journey aka the starving and research to the very day I do it.

Thank you for everything truly your all pretty amazing, caring people and deserve the best.

I hope you find your peace

 

[PrettyKitty]

please get help your not meant to die yet i can tell

I am truly meant to die early I know that but I do have a small will to live but not enough to continue.

 

[SVEN]

I wish you peace and rest, Niki, however and wherever you find it.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Update day 5 starve not hungry at all had the coffee about to excerise had a extreme mental breakdown hit my hands against the wall and table and cried in a ball on the floor I told my mom about the starving and throwing up she told me she can't help me and that if I starve myself she can't and won't stop me and that there's no help for me and that it's funny because all get hungry. She than told me if I kill myself it will be bad but she can't help me or stop me.... I've never heard my mom say such cruel things I'm very hurt.

 

[CandyK__]

Update day 5 starve not hungry at all had the coffee about to excerise had a extreme mental breakdown hit my hands against the wall and table and cried in a ball on the floor I told my mom about the starving and throwing up she told me she can't help me and that if I starve myself she can't and won't stop me and that there's no help for me and that it's funny because all get hungry. She than told me if I kill myself it will be bad but she can't help me or stop me.... I've never heard my mom say such cruel things I'm very hurt.

Not many people are able to comprehend what death really is until it happens. It's very hard imagine someone gone. Some people, most actually, are unable to help us, as they tend to see world through their eyes, and do not understand things we go through, and what we feel. I just want to tell you it's gonna be fine, and people will miss you, if you can, try to live a little bit longer.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Not many people are able to comprehend what death really is until it happens. It's very hard imagine someone gone. Some people, most actually, are unable to help us, as they tend to see world through their eyes, and do not understand things we go through, and what we feel. I just want to tell you it's gonna be fine, and people will miss you, if you can, try to live a little bit longer.

I will for about a week more or two . than its time

 

[Holu]

Update day 5 starve not hungry at all had the coffee about to excerise had a extreme mental breakdown hit my hands against the wall and table and cried in a ball on the floor I told my mom about the starving and throwing up she told me she can't help me and that if I starve myself she can't and won't stop me and that there's no help for me and that it's funny because all get hungry. She then told me if I kill myself it will be bad but she can't help me or stop me.... I've never heard my mom say such cruel things I'm very hurt.

Link me an address I'll come and stab your mom in her kidney. No fr.

I'm sorry about that, parents can be very very cruel. Maybe she's trying to help but honestly if that's the case her apathy towards you is terrible.

You are strong, so very strong. I really do admire that strength. Letting out your frustrations is normal. It's not a sign of weakness, merely a moment of recovery.

Sounding like a broken but I'm very sorry for all this shit you're going through. I honestly wish you pick a more painless method, but I can respect going out on your own way.

You're an absolute badass even though you don't feel like one. You give me and I can bet so many others the courage to battle their SI.

Thank you for everything, as always I and the community stand behind you and at your side regardless of what path you take.

Keep going soldier, just a little longer. Keep your chin high and your back straight. And never be afraid to lean on us. We stick together, til the bitter end

 

[Lo Priest]

from these posts alone to the outside observer it seems your largest hurdle is self acceptance. and of course, as i know (whove dealt continuously (years) with body issues and ED), that this lack of self acceptance never leads to an abundance or even a modicum of self empowerment; a self empowerment necessary for growth and development. for the past few months ive eaten only every other day, dropping dozens of pounds in the process, and like you I wasn't even morbidly overweight to begin with. to me, a zoomer dude, your bodytype is lovable at a kneejerk reaction and largely ideal for many if not most. you seem to've reacted positively (perhaps out of a general outward but not internal goodheartedness) from these compliments in these prior posts, but as from personnel experience of having a distorted sense of body, these compliments and 'attaboys' fall always on deaf ears. what we see is not what they see, and perhaps what we see is only a fabrication of their eyes, a supposed (false) criticism we placard in full; a definition. i miss drinking coffee with cream and sugar and honey. been going black for bout a year out of fear of sweets, and boy is my tongue bitter. im rambling now but all i ask is give your self a chance. perhaps stop looking in mirrors. ive had mirrors removed from my bedroom for years, and even in bathrooms i make the concerted effort not to look, for i know whatever i see id hate, though i know in my pit to any other 'sane' person im just a guy, a fuckin human, of sorts. ive never been able to hold a phone camera to my face, and i believe the prerogative in doing so has never provided the human race any substantial benefit. look after yourself, not at yourself, whatever that means.

 

[PrettyKitty]

from these posts alone to the outside observer it seems your largest hurdle is self acceptance. and of course, as i know (whove dealt continuously (years) with body issues and ED), that this lack of self acceptance never leads to an abundance or even a modicum of self empowerment; a self empowerment necessary for growth and development. for the past few months ive eaten only every other day, dropping dozens of pounds in the process, and like you I wasn't even morbidly overweight to begin with. to me, a zoomer dude, your bodytype is lovable at a kneejerk reaction and largely ideal for many if not most. you seem to've reacted positively (perhaps out of a general outward but not internal goodheartedness) from these compliments in these prior posts, but as from personnel experience of having a distorted sense of body, these compliments and 'attaboys' fall always on deaf ears. what we see is not what they see, and perhaps what we see is only a fabrication of their eyes, a supposed (false) criticism we placard in full; a definition. i miss drinking coffee with cream and sugar and honey. been going black for bout a year out of fear of sweets, and boy is my tongue bitter. im rambling now but all i ask is give your self a chance. perhaps stop looking in mirrors. ive had mirrors removed from my bedroom for years, and even in bathrooms i make the concerted effort not to look, for i know whatever i see id hate, though i know in my pit to any other 'sane' person im just a guy, a fuckin human, of sorts. ive never been able to hold a phone camera to my face, and i believe the prerogative in doing so has never provided the human race any substantial benefit. look after yourself, not at yourself, whatever that means.

thanks i read this all and its nice to have somebody who understands im scared of certain things more than others like pizza fries and junk food but i dont use regular sugar im super scared of it too. i use triva its leaf sugar less cal

Link me an address I'll come and stab your mom in her kidney. No fr.

I'm sorry about that, parents can be very very cruel. Maybe she's trying to help but honestly if that's the case her apathy towards you is terrible.

You are strong, so very strong. I really do admire that strength. Letting out your frustrations is normal. It's not a sign of weakness, merely a moment of recovery.

Sounding like a broken but I'm very sorry for all this shit you're going through. I honestly wish you pick a more painless method, but I can respect going out on your own way.

You're an absolute badass even though you don't feel like one. You give me and I can bet so many others the courage to battle their SI.

Thank you for everything, as always I and the community stand behind you and at your side regardless of what path you take.

Keep going soldier, just a little longer. Keep your chin high and your back straight. And never be afraid to lean on us. We stick together, til the bitter end

thank you much love badass forever through life or death haha
Update day 6 I ate a baby tomato and some crumbs of food nothing more than like 50 cal i had my coffee less sugar ( i use trivia).
Didn't feel hungry but strong urge to eat and throw it up. Ive choose to die in 8 days because 8 days from now i will have been fasting for 2 weeks.
So I have 8 days left to live yay.. Im so excisted to eat a meal again in 8 days ive been over excising too to lose as much weight as possible

 

[RedDoor]

You poor soul im really sorry it has come to this. The method your using proves to me that you've been through alot. I have to say though that im genuinely wishing that a better soultion finds its way to you.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Update i just lost the remaining of my friends due to a form member i got close to on discord found my friends and told them about mysuicide plan early so my friend left me because he cant handle me doing this i have nobody now. I'm going to commit tonight i finished wiritng my notes even if it take till morning i will die i will clean up some things write who gets my belongs and than after than i will eat my last meal wear a old dress and full spenshion hang myself. I could use somebody or a friend to talk to throughout this its okay if not its just hard

 

[Mr. ‘K so?]

I ain't gonna lie, this shit is inspiring since I am now rolling past day 3 of not eating anymore. Granted, I kicked into ketosis by the end of the first day so my days haven't been as bad.

I do want to know if you're not gonna be around, why are you caring what other people think especially of your actions? You have a very large window of being saved by starving yourself, and typically speaking, thinking of others and concern about how they will process you gone stops any method regardless of how foolproof.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just curious because I've been stopped by that realization and don't give a fuck in waves.

 

[Caoine01]

my friend left

I hate that your boyfriend doesn't see you fully. Now that you need your friends the most, you're on your own.
It's good to have SaSu friends to lean on when it comes to the end. If you want you can send me a PM.

 

[PrettyKitty]

I ain't gonna lie, this shit is inspiring since I am now rolling past day 3 of not eating anymore. Granted, I kicked into ketosis by the end of the first day so my days haven't been as bad.

I do want to know if you're not gonna be around, why are you caring what other people think especially of your actions? You have a very large window of being saved by starving yourself, and typically speaking, thinking of others and concern about how they will process you gone stops any method regardless of how foolproof.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just curious because I've been stopped by that realization and don't give a fuck in waves.

I'm not trying to be rude but my plan on this thread was never to starve to death it's to starve for abit to lose some weight than hang myself.

 

[LeapOfFaith]

I'm not trying to be rude but my plan on this thread was never to starve to death it's to starve for abit to lose some weight than hang myself.

I saw your other thread, I commented, remember? I am so sorry you feel this way. Its hard to feel alone with your thoughts and at the same time having people, in real life leaving.. I am always open to listening in pm if you need someone to talk to.. do not hesitate to just shoot me a message. I had a friend many years ago whom suffered from body dysmorphia and a couple of other things .. I miss her dearly every day.

Spoiler

I will keep reminding you. You are beautiful!

 

[Challu]

I'm not trying to be rude but my plan on this thread was never to starve to death it's to starve for abit to lose some weight than hang myself.

Does starvation help with hanging/suspension attempts?

Edit: Sorry, you literally said it's to lose weight. I see. I hope you can reach your ideal body weight. And perhaps that it might encourage you to live on.
New weight, new you.

 

[Amakishiyo]

Does starvation help with hanging/suspension attempts?

A slim neck can make partial/night night easier, don't think it matters for full suspension unless you weigh more than the rope can hold.

 

[Challu]

A slim neck can make partial/night night easier, don't think it matters for full suspension unless you weigh more than the rope can hold.

Oh ok. Yeah. I can see that.

 

[macrocosm]

Update day 5 starve not hungry at all had the coffee about to excerise had a extreme mental breakdown hit my hands against the wall and table and cried in a ball on the floor I told my mom about the starving and throwing up she told me she can't help me and that if I starve myself she can't and won't stop me and that there's no help for me and that it's funny because all get hungry. She than told me if I kill myself it will be bad but she can't help me or stop me.... I've never heard my mom say such cruel things I'm very hurt.

I don't know your mom, she could be a terrible person or an amazing person, but some people don't know how to handle or communicate intense emotional situations. Even moms unfortunately. Don't be hard on yourself or them.

And Don't beat yourself up. It's very hard what your planning to do. And you don't have to do it if you are having doubts or if there's a small part of of that wants to try at life.

You have support here for whatever it is you decide to do.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Update i just lost the remaining of my friends due to a form member i got close to on discord found my friends and told them about mysuicide plan early so my friend left me because he cant handle me doing this i have nobody now. I'm going to commit tonight i finished wiritng my notes even if it take till morning i will die i will clean up some things write who gets my belongs and than after than i will eat my last meal wear a old dress and full spenshion hang myself. I could use somebody or a friend to talk to throughout this its okay if not its just hard

I'm so sorry :( if you ever wanna message, I'm here and 8 hope in whatever you do, you find peace.