Goodbye for the last time(today or tomorrow)

[kinzokukae]

i hope you can overcome your SI (: and if you can't, i hope you find something else that works for you

 

[wonderworld]

good luck, will be thinking of you at 2:30 again xxx

 

[Scooby-Doo]

I wish you peace whatever path you choose. There's plenty of support here and absolutely no shame in changing your mind. If your not sure don't feel pressured in anyway to do it. Nobody judges on here and like I've said before your very brave considering this method. I hope you choose what is right for you and nobody else. X

 

[Baguette]

I'm leaving the house now, hopefully this is goodbye. If I haven't logged back on and updated this thread by 5:00pm UK time then could the mods please delete my account as I won't be needing it anymore.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

I hope you have a peaceful exit, brother. Don't be ashamed to back out.

 

[Baguette]

I'm convinced I'm not meant to die, the first few times I was going to ctb my SI was enough to get me through it.

Then the last time I tried before today there were police there and I couldn't get in, then I walk up today and I kid you not a f***ing deer shows up right in front of me and I don't know if they attack so I just left(it did look pretty aggressive). I didn't even know they lived in that area.

I'm going to try carrying on for a while because there's clearly something that wants to stop me ctb'ing.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I'm convinced I'm not meant to die, the first few times I was going to ctb my SI was enough to get me through it.

Then the last time I tried before today there were police there and I couldn't get in, then I walk up today and I kid you not a f***ing deer shows up right in front of me and I don't know if they attack so I just left(it did look pretty aggressive). I didn't even know they lived in that area.

I'm going to try carrying on for a while because there's clearly something that wants to stop me ctb'ing.

We're glad to still have you

 

[Anonymoussn]

I'm convinced I'm not meant to die, the first few times I was going to ctb my SI was enough to get me through it.

Then the last time I tried before today there were police there and I couldn't get in, then I walk up today and I kid you not a f***ing deer shows up right in front of me and I don't know if they attack so I just left(it did look pretty aggressive). I didn't even know they lived in that area.

I'm going to try carrying on for a while because there's clearly something that wants to stop me ctb'ing.

Deers are actually very timid animals and usually run a mile when they see a human (or if they're more used to human contact, they might not run straight away, but when you get too close they will).

More importantly though, it's great that you're giving things another go, and I hope things work out for you. We are all here if you want to talk.

 

[Brackenshire]

So glad your staying with us @Baguette

 

[SG999]

Glad you are with us.

 

[Whenhopelostmemory]

I glad ur at peace for now...I really wanna ctb and I got the perfect way to do it..jump off of my apt ...it's the 17th floor ...death is certain but I keep chickening out because I keep wondering wat if I don't die... what if I'll survive..that would bring more pain to my family than my death..and now I have exactly three more days to decide whether or not to do it cuz I'm flying back to my parents next weekend..I just wish I do it before I leave for home and can't do it anymore cuz my parents will be around

 

[SG999]

I glad ur at peace for now...I really wanna ctb and I got the perfect way to do it..jump off of my apt ...it's the 17th floor ...death is certain but I keep chickening out because I keep wondering wat if I don't die... what if I'll survive..that would bring more pain to my family than my death..and now I have exactly three more days to decide whether or not to do it cuz I'm flying back to my parents next weekend..I just wish I do it before I leave for home and can't do it anymore cuz my parents will be around

how old are you? Why do you want to CTB? Where are you based?

 

[Whenhopelostmemory]

how old are you? Why do you want to CTB? Where are you based?

I'm 23... Tbh I am very lucky and Fortunate..I have a job... my parents and my sibling are healthy ...everything is going good..but I just simply do not want to live.i have been battling with this since I was 17.. attempte three times and failed...five years gone and here I am still having the same thoughts...I dont have any other reason..I just do not want to live..even if someone says I can have everything I don't want to live. I'm sucha waste of life

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I'm convinced I'm not meant to die, the first few times I was going to ctb my SI was enough to get me through it.

Then the last time I tried before today there were police there and I couldn't get in, then I walk up today and I kid you not a f***ing deer shows up right in front of me and I don't know if they attack so I just left(it did look pretty aggressive). I didn't even know they lived in that area.

I'm going to try carrying on for a while because there's clearly something that wants to stop me ctb'ing.

This is fantastic news. We're glad you're still alive. I too tried another go at life but eventually I came back and reactivated my account. I hope things go differently for you.

 

[SG999]

I'm 23... Tbh I am very lucky and Fortunate..I have a job... my parents and my sibling are healthy ...everything is going good..but I just simply do not want to live.i have been battling with this since I was 17.. attempte three times and failed...five years gone and here I am still having the same thoughts...I dont have any other reason..I just do not want to live..even if someone says I can have everything I don't want to live. I'm sucha waste of life

Interesting. I'm completely opposite, my life is ruined/ I can't go back to the life I lived. Why is that you don't like this life? What is not appealing to you? It just interesting to try and understand your perspective.


Sorry Baguette, we started different chat here.

 

[Whenhopelostmemory]

Interesting. I'm completely opposite, my life is ruined/ I can't go back to the life I lived. Why is that you don't like this life? What is not appealing to you? It just interesting to try and understand your perspective.

I'm confused myself...sometimes I think it's in my genes..I read somewhere that depression can be linked to ur genes..also if u think about it long enough ur mind gets accustomed to it.. it's very frustrating and haunting when you want to stop existing and yet u don't do shit about it. Like for me ...all it could take is a second. I could do it rn literally..I just have to go to the balcony..close my eyes and just fall... But the fear of surviving wins in the end...maybe I'm also scared for my family..I can't figure out y I'm not doing it cuz I'm pretty sure and convinced that I don't want to live ..it's rly frustrating..also I hope u find peace too however u may

 

[thereandgone]

Sounds like he wasn't bucking around.

 

[nosunshine]

I hope you're still with us Baguette?

 

[Baguette]

I hope you're still with us Baguette?

I am.

 

[Baguette]

Took some time, I'm going ahead with the train method tomorrow at 15:20 UK time barring anything going wrong. It may well appear on local news when I go ahead with it as there was a guy a few months ago who used this method at a train line 20 mins from my spot and it was widely reported. Thank you to all on the forum for providing some comfort and making me feel a bit less alone in my final weeks.

No need to say goodbye just yet as I'll probably post an update or two tomorrow morning as I'll need to pass the time somehow between waking up and then leaving the house at around 14:50.

I'll most likely wake up around 9:00am, eat breakfast, take a shower, get dressed then spend sometime on here. I'm going to go out to the high street and enjoy a good lunch then I'll go home and make final preparations before ctb'ing.

 

[Living sucks]

Why do you think you can do this after trying already ? I thought you changed your mind ?

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Why is there such a rush baguette you ctb? What about seeing this awful year out because It's been a bad one for the world let alone people with depression or MH problems and then see how you feel the start of 2021!

Please think about the train driver also as he will be having a bad year with covid and then he has to live with the fact he see's you for the last time! And had to live with the fact you chose to jump in front of his train.

I'm not pro life at all I just feel you are making very rushed decisions when there is obviously a number of things stopping you ctb - think about it!

 

[wonderworld]

godspeed baguette,

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Thinking of you. :-(
Especially thinking of your emotional state. I hope you have clarity and peace in whatever you do. And if you decide it's not the right time, I hope you feel comfortable with the decision and know that we will be happy to still have you with us.

 

[wonderworld]

still with us @Baguette ?

 

[Living sucks]

Any news reports? @Baguette i hope you're still with us and ok?

 

[Nohopeinhell]

I only seen this news article today. Nothing else anywhere in the UK. Time doesn't fit in though OP said 15.20pm

*edit. Its not him as he's from Scotland as went bsck to his threads. Im in scotland also but no news here on anyone being hit by a train. They usually do news on it.

Man dies after being hit by train at city rail station

Emergency services were called to the scene shortly after 1.30pm, but nothing could be done to save the man.

www.birminghammail.co.uk

 

[got2beFionaC]

@Baguette i hope you found peace, wherever that may be

 

[rhiino]

I hope he did not feel alienated by what got posted here recently. He posted this thread nearly a month ago, thus his decision is not rushed at all. Additionally guilt-tripping because of the train driver is probably the last thing a train suicider wants to hear.

@Baguette How are you?

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I hope he did not feel alienated by what got posted here recently. He posted this thread nearly a month ago, thus his decision is not rushed at all. Additionally guilt-tripping because of the train driver is probably the last thing a train suicider wants to hear.

@Baguette How are you?

I can only join rhiino. The decision was very, very well-considered and in no way hastily made.

@Baguette
I very much hope that you have now found your peace and have been influenced by the inappropriate comments. , you could go your last way without feeling guilty.
rest in peace