Goodbye (Attempt #2)

[Hopeindeath!]

Parent. My mother has dementia. Only my Dad. I miss the maternal affection.

I'm sorry your Mom has dementia. She still loves you though. My Dad had dementia before he died, and I know he still loved me by the look in his eyes. Your Dad is going through a bad time having a wife with dementia. He may not be able to show you how much he really loves you right now. We care about you and are here for you though.

 

[Freedom Believer]

I'm sorry your Mom has dementia. She still loves you though. My Dad had dementia before he died, and I know he still loved me by the look in his eyes. Your Dad is going through a bad time having a wife with dementia. He may not be able to show you how much he really loves you right now. We care about you and are here for you though.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[jgm63]

If you decide to proceed then wishing you a safe journey.

 

[Freedom Believer]

If you decide to proceed then wishing you a safe journey.

Thank you.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

You're only 19? How much of a "failure" can you possibly be at that age? Why do you believe you'll never find love or have a family? Nobody here can stop you from ctb...but I don't think you've given yourself a chance at life. You'll always have the option of ending it all.

 

[peacetoall]

It was always too late for me.

Not too late. You are way too young. There is so much opportunity for you, so much time to work on yourself a little bit everyday. That is what life is all about, good and bad experiences, trying to better ourselves and progress/ overcome our own selfish desires and think of others. Life is a marathon, not a race. I am also a loner, no friends, introvert, deal with avpd. I deal with a lot of self hatred, a lot. I compare myself to people. Everyday is a struggle. But I am trying to be a little bit better everyday, trying to do a little good everyday, trying to progress. I am way behind other people my age - I am in my late thirties with no wife, girlfriend, or family. Ultimately what you decide to do is your decision, but I strongly advise you to reconsider, at least give yourself a couple more years and see what happens. Make some goals and see what happens. All in all I sincerely wish you peace

 

[RestingGirl23]

Op, we can't change your thoughts but I want to give you a different perspective.

My brother is terrible at finances. Took out too many student loans, spent too much money inviting his "friends" out,and he is still ungrateful for all that my parents have done for him. Now he's moved out on his own with no secure life prospects as his career pays him very little. We use to be close but have gone our seperate ways. With all the things I've said, I still love him dearly. Sometimes people in our lives dissapointed us, but it doesn't mean our love is "conditional." So please don't think that your family doesn't love you enough.

Like others said, you are too young to be a failure. You haven't lived long enough to do anything. I hope you reconsider.

 

[Hunter100]

Thank you.



Being a nobody, being a bum, a freeloader, a loner. I was everything that pretty much everyone in my family isn't.

There are much much worse things to be. And all that is fixable my dear. Just know that if you need to reach out, I'm here.

 

[FullyUnplugged]

Damn dude you young.

 

[Alessa]

That's a nice song from Mario Galaxy... A good way to leave this planet. :) I will CTB in about two and a half years, but I've already chosen my special last two songs. You might know them although you're quite young.

I will hear this song while I'll be doing it, on a wide open plain during a summer night, staring into the sky full of stars.




But before, I will upload my last vocal recorded song on my youtube channel to this music here:

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Hey, you never know who can love you. Sometimes it's just happens. Even if you are a recluse and have nothing to show.
I know this is hopium, but it happened to me. I was lonely and utterly alone crying myself to sleep until 27, when it just happened without any effort and even resistance from my side. My ex just falled in love with me for who I was, and I was a small, feminine, timid, socially anxious, weird guy with no job or any kind of social status (yep, I am transitioned later).
I understand how you feel but I had to say that.

 

[Soul]

@Freedom Believer, your description of yourself sounds like the love of my life at age 19. The decision is yours, but it's very far from a "now or never" scenario. You haven't come into bloom yet. It's up to you but I vote for: Stay a while, work on setting aside the toxic messages in your head telling you to dis yourself, and see what happens.

I wish you the very best outcomes of your choices moving forward and send you (((warm hugs)))

 

[Sensei]

Freedom Believer, I get the impression that it doesn't matter what I write here, because you seem hell-bent on doing this. Be that as it may. You find yourself despicable. Well, maybe you are. I don't know you. Let's say that you really are despicable, for the sake of argument. If so, it's not impossible to change as a person. I was definitely a despicable person when I was your age and even did some outright evil things. Since then, I've paid my moral debt, and then some. When I look at the person I was back then, I feel contempt, but not guilt. Actually, I'm glad I was a destructive person when I was young and not when I was an adult and could have done some serious damage. Hence, I know for a fact that it's possible to become a better person. If you really think that you're a bad person, is it really a good idea to leave as one?