Update: I failed at my attempt yesterday and am reattempting today. I have faith this time around and I have a good spot that will strongly hold my noose. I've already made my slip knot. I'll be listening to some of my favorite songs before my attempt in the next fifteen to thirty minutes.
I love you guys with all of my heart.
@Despondent Whatever happens, please know that you have a special place in my heart and always will, and that it's a true honour to have a place in yours too.
I hope the services that failed you so devastatingly pay for what they did to you. I hope they are exposed and held accountable. I hope they are dragged through the mud for letting you down.
I wish I had taken the time to get to know you sooner, because you truly are a wonderful human being. Thank you for being a part of my life for a short time, and for letting me be a part of yours.
As much as I wish you could stay, that you could recover, that life could be different for you, I understand that life does not always work out that way. It can ravage us, ruin us, raze our souls into the ground. It would be hypocritical to tell you what to do, considering my own imminent death.
You deserved better, but that's true for many, many people, including those who find themselves here. You deserved better, but this world does not care what anyone feels, needs or deserves.
However, I care. Many members here care. We all wish you could continue to heal, to grow, to build a better life. I know, however, that this cannot forced that upon you. I know that so many of us try and try and try to heal but simply can't, myself included. I know that the provisions that are supposed to help us can instead harm us, like they have you, me and many others.
I just wish you loved yourself the way we love you, that you could see what we see, that you could feel the admiration and care that we do. I have seen you call yourself a burden, a monster, a piece of shit. And you are none of those things. None of them. You do not weigh down on people's lives here, you enrich them.
I am here for you whatever happens next. I support you. If you stay, I hope you get the support you need and can continue your path to recovery. You deserve a better life. If you do, I will be here for you and rooting for you for as long as I live, and so will many others here. If you leave, I truly hope you will be at peace - after all you have suffered, you truly deserve peace. Lots of love
