It feels weird to not have anyone at all in this world, no friends, no one to talk to, no one to hang out with before Im gone tomorrow, everything's set and I'm so alone..
I wish he hadn't left, but in the end I guess it doesn't matter, whether I believe in the readings or not, it doesn't matter in the end, however it'll go will go.. I just wish he hadn't left, I wish I could've had a bit more time to love him before I'm gone, one last in person meeting.. Had I known last time would be our last I would've kissed him more, hugged him more, I would've ignored the games just to be with him in bed, cuddling, calling him my puppy..
I wish he had given me that last anniversary, it feels so empty to die without having hugged him one last time, having held him one last time, Im crying a bit thinking of it, in truth it scares me a bit to die tomorrow, it'll be cold and without his warm arms, and he just gets to move on with life, and live a beautiful life, study and do his best.. And I support it, I really do, I just feel weirdly.. Sad, I guess
Sad that I matter so little to the only person that's ever loved me that way, sad that he can live without me and I can't without him, sad that I matter so little..
I remember our first ever date at a lights festival.. I was so giddy to hold his hand, and he was overthinking everything, I remember how after stealing my first ever kiss I rolled over and squealed and we cuddled and playfought.. I remember all these four years, with so much love and tenderness in my heart.. I was hoping we'd have more time here, more things shared, we had so many plans and ideas of what to do.. Had I known I'd lose him I would've tried to do them sooner, I wish
I wonder when he finds out I'm dead if he'll care or regret anything or feel anything.. Even knowing he made a mistake in leaving me I can't dislike him : (
