Venting Giving up

[Lara Francis]

I have been up for a while and even made myself a meal but just come back to bed.
I have not showered in 2 days nor do i intend to do.
Its been pissing it down all day and the weather matches the mood i am currently in.
I never expierenced any form of depresson before my hubby died and my mind would have not thought about suicide on any level.
How life can change !
I am so tired of feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and living under the control of others.making decisions on the one and only beautiful person i have ie my boy.
I could not even function yestetday without the help of promazine (anti anxiety drug) which i have not had to take for a while.
I wish i could die right now in my sleep.
I miss my hubby,i just want to feel his arms wrapped around me which always felt comforting,warm and like a security blanket.I would love to see his smile and hear his continuous laughter and feel some normality in life.
I wish i could gain some strength to see me through these next critical weeks but this is questionable.
I am so sorry to sound like such a broken record but just needed to talk.
Love to u all x

 

[21Neberg]

Hi Lara, I'm sorry to read that you're still hurting. You're such an amazing person, you deserve so much better. I hope that even during the toughest times you can look towards your little boy for some peace and hope.

 

[throwaway123]

I have also given up. It's just a dead end. There is nothing I can do to change things. Most things are just outside of our control.
I hope you find the strength you are seeking for. Sometimes I get false hope but that only lasts for a few minutes.

 

[Going Home]

Me too. What's the point. If it's not the guy from Brooklyn it's the stalker lady.