My nephew cbt by taking SN

[overwhelming.]

He was 19 years old. We found links to this site in his notes on his computer. None of us expected this, he was always smiling, had a lot of friends, was socially involved, had many plans for the future, bought tickets for concerts in June and July. I have been reading this page since he did it (April 3 this year) because I want to understand what he felt. I'm not mad at him and I'm not mad at this community. I understand you. I feel terribly bad after his death, I'm not much older than him (24 years old), so I treated him like a younger brother. Even though I have a large loving family, many friends and a supportive boyfriend, I feel very lonely. I read farewell speech at his funeral because no one in my family could cope and everyone sees me as a strong person who has no mental problems. However, for a long time I have been struggling with problems that I don't understand, which now hit me twice as hard. I partially understand why he did it, but at the same time it breaks my heart to see my family suffer. My mother (his grandmother) has heart problems, my father too, and the whole family can't cope with it, so I don't want to tell them about my problems right now because I don't want to be a bigger problem for anyone. I don't want to die, but I feel like life is hopeless and I'm afraid that if I don't ask for help, things will get worse. I made an appointment with a psychologist. But I am very sorry that my family, friends and boyfriend who are close to me don't see my suffering, just like we didn't see my nephew's suffering.

 

[bipbapbop]

I'm sorry about your nephew and to hear about the struggles that you are experiencing as well. It is not an easy path that leads us here. Is there something we can offer you in terms of support or understanding? Do you just need a space to vent?

 

[overwhelming.]

I'm sorry about your nephew and to hear about the struggles that you are experiencing as well. It is not an easy path that leads us here. Is there something we can offer you in terms of support or understanding? Do you just need a space to vent?

I told my boyfriend and a few friends about my thoughts, but I feel like they don't understand me at all. One friend said that I was open-minded and I could handle it. It pisses me off that people are like this, knowing what happened, avoiding the conversation and making the same mistake.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

He was 19 years old. We found links to this site in his notes on his computer. None of us expected this, he was always smiling, had a lot of friends, was socially involved, had many plans for the future, bought tickets for concerts in June and July. I have been reading this page since he did it (April 3 this year) because I want to understand what he felt. I'm not mad at him and I'm not mad at this community. I understand you. I feel terribly bad after his death, I'm not much older than him (24 years old), so I treated him like a younger brother. Even though I have a large loving family, many friends and a supportive boyfriend, I feel very lonely. I read farewell speech at his funeral because no one in my family could cope and everyone sees me as a strong person who has no mental problems. However, for a long time I have been struggling with problems that I don't understand, which now hit me twice as hard. I partially understand why he did it, but at the same time it breaks my heart to see my family suffer. My mother (his grandmother) has heart problems, my father too, and the whole family can't cope with it, so I don't want to tell them about my problems right now because I don't want to be a bigger problem for anyone. I don't want to die, but I feel like life is hopeless and I'm afraid that if I don't ask for help, things will get worse. I made an appointment with a psychologist. But I am very sorry that my family, friends and boyfriend who are close to me don't see my suffering, just like we didn't see my nephew's suffering.

He sounds lovely and I'm sorry for your loss. Wondering what his @ is and if I ever interacted with him. Anyway, best wishes to you and your family.

 

[blueming]

I'm truly sorry about your nephew's passing. It's heartbreaking to lose a family member, and I can tell that you cared for him very much and still do. It definitely sounds like you've personally been going through a difficult time, and I'm glad for you that you've chosen to seek help and made an appointment with a psychologist. I sincerely hope everything goes well for you. I don't know what problems you're struggling with but if you need to vent or want support, the people on SS are always willing to lend an ear! You said you don't want to die and you're afraid things will get worse - there is a great Recovery section on the site which may be of use to you. Wishing you all the best ^^

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'm truly sorry to hear about the loss of your nephew and to hear about your personal struggles as well, it's never easy to endure a loss like that along with having to now confront your own as well however it's good to hear that you've decided to reach out and speak to someone about it, and there's a great recovery section here where you can find whatever you may need.

 

[rozeske]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope this place and community gives you the support and help you seek. Know that we understand and we are all here for you.

 

[Raven2]

I am sorry for your loss. We're hear to support you in any way we can. You are making steps with seeing a psychologist. I wish you well

 

[billie]

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[Linda]

You're absolutely right that mental struggles don't show on the outside, and it's unfortunate that people who haven't experienced them won't understand what you are going through. Deciding to see a psychiatrist was a smart move; there is a good chance they will be able to help.
Having to deal with your nephew's death almost single-handedly, without much support from your family, is bound to have made things more difficult.
Do you want to explain more about your situation? You say all this started long before your nephew died. There are probably people here who have been in your kind of situation, and who may be able to give helpful advice, but they will need to understand more clearly the nature of your problems.

 

[bipbapbop]

I told my boyfriend and a few friends about my thoughts, but I feel like they don't understand me at all. One friend said that I was open-minded and I could handle it. It pisses me off that people are like this, knowing what happened, avoiding the conversation and making the same mistake.

My best friend in the world is also depressed but she also doesn't understand me. It's so painful because we hope they can just hear us but instead we just realize how alone we really are. I haven't been here long but I have found people to connect with and now know I am not alone. I hope you find that as well.

I am so proud of you for reaching out to a psychologist. I'm really hoping it works out for you!

 

[Linda]

My best friend in the world is also depressed but she also doesn't understand me. It's so painful because we hope they can just hear us but instead we just realize how alone we really are. I haven't been here long but I have found people to connect with and now know I am not alone. I hope you find that as well.

I am so proud of you for reaching out to a psychologist. I'm really hoping it works out for you!

I'm really surprised your friend can't understand. Even though my single experience of severe depression was half a century ago, the 8 months that it lasted were hell, I nearly didn't survive it, and there is no way I could ever forget what it was like.
She might not understand what is causing your depression, if the cause is very different for you than for her, but that's something else.

 

[Meteora]

I m sorry for your loss..... you said, you partially understand him, may I ask, what do you understand?

It pisses me off that people are like this, knowing what happened, avoiding the conversation and making the same mistake.

That's the bitter truth, maybe the reason why we're all here on SaSu.
Some people will never comprehend. I wonder what sign they'd need to understand if the suicide of a 19 year old doesn't wake them up (no intention to misjudge your family but this behaviour stands for the majority of human beings).

 

[rockn360]

GET HELP! You are very young. You have people that love and support you. I'm not trying to invalidate you, but I never realized I have psychological issues until I well into my thirties, and without any support. Today, with a serious mental health issue, and fucked my life from it and addiction. If I had a partner and a loving family I would do the work to get my shit together. You are very young, and have time to heal and overcome this.

Very sorry about your nephew. SI probably runs in the family.

Tell your family you aren't okay. Maybe not your BF. I don't know about your relationship, but maybe.

 

[bipbapbop]

I'm really surprised your friend can't understand. Even though my single experience of severe depression was half a century ago, the 8 months that it lasted were hell, I nearly didn't survive it, and there is no way I could ever forget what it was like.
She might not understand what is causing your depression, if the cause is very different for you than for her, but that's something else.

She definitely understands why I want to ctb but she doesn't understand that she needs to let me go. I understand her because I would also fight for her to try and hold on if we switched places. I am completely pro choice but it's hard to let your loved ones go.

 

[Linda]

She definitely understands why I want to ctb but she doesn't understand that she needs to let me go. I understand her because I would also fight for her to try and hold on if we switched places. I am completely pro choice but it's hard to let your loved ones go.

OK, that makes sense.

 

[overwhelming.]

You're absolutely right that mental struggles don't show on the outside, and it's unfortunate that people who haven't experienced them won't understand what you are going through. Deciding to see a psychiatrist was a smart move; there is a good chance they will be able to help.
Having to deal with your nephew's death almost single-handedly, without much support from your family, is bound to have made things more difficult.
Do you want to explain more about your situation? You say all this started long before your nephew died. There are probably people here who have been in your kind of situation, and who may be able to give helpful advice, but they will need to understand more clearly the nature of your problems.

I have been struggling with ed for almost 10 years, which have not been diagnosed. As a child, I had a difficult relationship with my mother (violence) - now the relationship is very good. During my school years, I was also in a difficult relationship (physical and mental violence). I've never been to therapy but I always felt like I should and life has always been hard for me. I don't want my nephew's death to be in vain and thanks to him I know I have to do it.

I m sorry for your loss..... you said, you partially understand him, may I ask, what do you understand?

I understand that he felt so much pain that he didn't want to live - thanks to this website. But at the same time, I'm sorry that he didn't tell us about it, he was probably afraid of being misunderstood

That's the bitter truth, maybe the reason why we're all here on SaSu.
Some people will never comprehend. I wonder what sign they'd need to understand if the suicide of a 19 year old doesn't wake them up (no intention to misjudge your family but this behaviour stands for the majority of human beings).

 

[Linda]

I have been struggling with ed for almost 10 years, which have not been diagnosed. As a child, I had a difficult relationship with my mother (violence) - now the relationship is very good. During my school years, I was also in a difficult relationship (physical and mental violence). I've never been to therapy but I always felt like I should and life has always been hard for me. I don't want my nephew's death to be in vain and thanks to him I know I have to do it.

I understand that he felt so much pain that he didn't want to live - thanks to this website. But at the same time, I'm sorry that he didn't tell us about it, he was probably afraid of being misunderstood

Good luck. I think there's a very good chance that a therapist will be able to help.
If you haven't tried therapy before, remember that therapists are not psychic. They don't know what is going on in your head unless you tell them. You have to tell them as much as possible if you want them to be able to help you. That may include telling them things you are not comfortable relating to someone else. You also have to give them honest feedback on how well (or badly) the therapy is progressing.
You should also remember that for therapy to work well, you need the right personal chemistry between you and your therapist. Getting that is a matter of luck. If you find that therapy is not helping, even after a reasonable period has passed, don't rush to conclude that therapy can't help you. Try a different therapist before reaching that conclusion.

 

[overwhelming.]

Good luck. I think there's a very good chance that a therapist will be able to help.
If you haven't tried therapy before, remember that therapists are not psychic. They don't know what is going on in your head unless you tell them. You have to tell them as much as possible if you want them to be able to help you. That may include telling them things you are not comfortable relating to someone else. You also have to give them honest feedback on how well (or badly) the therapy is progressing.
You should also remember that for therapy to work well, you need the right personal chemistry between you and your therapist. Getting that is a matter of luck. If you find that therapy is not helping, even after a reasonable period has passed, don't rush to conclude that therapy can't help you. Try a different therapist before reaching that conclusion.

Thanks for your advice, it's very helpful

 

[Meteora]

I understand that he felt so much pain that he didn't want to live - thanks to this website. But at the same time, I'm sorry that he didn't tell us about it, he was probably afraid of being misunderstood

Hm ok. That's so tragic.... especially if it was an adolescence crisis and no underlaying mental health disorder/traumas. I personally think such young people shouldn't have access to this website. It is not uncommon to have deep identity crisis at that age.
But of course, this realisation doesn't bring back your nephew . I'm so sorry .

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry for your loss and the worry you have for your family members. I really hope this therapist will help you. It's good that you're reaching out to talk to someone. It's sad that your family don't seem all that able to cope with discussions like these but I guess, if they've never had these thoughts, they can be hard to comprehend.

I think it's worth it to keep trying with them though. They obviously have a lot to absorb at the moment. Maybe in time, they'll become more accustomed to the idea. I wonder if it's sometimes a pride thing. I don't think parents in particular like to admit to themselves or others that their children are struggling so badly in life. I hope the therapy works out and I hope you find some sollace here too.

 

[errorsinmypast]

So sorry I know the pain you're in on both accounts. I lost a sibling to ctb over 1.5years ago, I loved her very much and tried to help but in hindsight I was probably not a great deal support even though I thought I was. I'd often tell her it's ok and just get on with things, try eating better, exercise that kinda stuff and of course she couldn't cos mentally she wasn't capable. Like you, I'm also silently suffering and get through most days only for my children so as not to hurt them but the pain I'm in is absolutely unbearable. Like you I don't particularly want to die but it has to happen for me cos it ultimately will be the best thing to happen for everyone involved, although they wouldn't understand the reasons why and I can't talk about them with anyone. I'm glad you are getting help cos sometimes that's all we need, some guidance and understanding, someone telling you its OK to feel like you do.
I hope you learn to manage the pain of losing your nephew, it's a deep cut but the fact you aren't mad at him warms my heart cos he didn't want anyone to be mad at him, he was probably just struggling too much and it was his only option. Poor soul, I hope he is now in eternal peace and resting. Feel free ro dm me if you wanna talk.

 

[overwhelming.]

So sorry I know the pain you're in on both accounts. I lost a sibling to ctb over 1.5years ago, I loved her very much and tried to help but in hindsight I was probably not a great deal support even though I thought I was. I'd often tell her it's ok and just get on with things, try eating better, exercise that kinda stuff and of course she couldn't cos mentally she wasn't capable. Like you, I'm also silently suffering and get through most days only for my children so as not to hurt them but the pain I'm in is absolutely unbearable. Like you I don't particularly want to die but it has to happen for me cos it ultimately will be the best thing to happen for everyone involved, although they wouldn't understand the reasons why and I can't talk about them with anyone. I'm glad you are getting help cos sometimes that's all we need, some guidance and understanding, someone telling you its OK to feel like you do.
I hope you learn to manage the pain of losing your nephew, it's a deep cut but the fact you aren't mad at him warms my heart cos he didn't want anyone to be mad at him, he was probably just struggling too much and it was his only option. Poor soul, I hope he is now in eternal peace and resting. Feel free ro dm me if you wanna talk.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's terrible to experience something like this. Can I ask if you feel a little better after these 1.5 years? Have you had any help?

 

[Ernest1964]

I agree with all of the offers of support that have been written for you here on this site. Sadly some people have a distorted opinion about suicide. Yes, many people choose to end their lives out of emotional turmoil. Many people, when they hear about this website think that we are all "pro-suicide" and we talk each other into killing ourselves. THAT is NOT what happens on this website. Offers of help and support are on offer. Please keep that in mind.

 

[Timothy7dff]

I have a friend who was a psychologist. She said that most people's lives are hell. The people who seem like shiniest, happiest people in the world are often miserable. You and your nephew aren't alone. Everyone is suffering.

 

[errorsinmypast]

I'm sorry for your loss. It's terrible to experience something like this. Can I ask if you feel a little better after these 1.5 years? Have you had any help?

Ii haven't reached out anyone, but I have changed as a person. I work, care for my children and dog, but isolate myself all other times. Desires have gone to date men, party, even get my hair dyed. Perhaps I would benefit from counselling. To answer honestly, it gets mildly better to manage, I think im good at blocking it out cos I need to be clear minded to work and pay my bills so I know if I unravel I'll lose everything. I get moments when I'll be driving somewhere and all of a sudden realisation hits and I think, really, has she really gone and I allow myself 5mins of so to wollow and cry but it's like reliving the nightmare all over again when those moments hit.

 

[J&L383]

I am very sorry you lost your nephew at such a young age. And I think you're doing the right thing by reaching out here and to see a therapist. The therapist should be able to help you through the grieving process and help you with your personal struggles. You're so very young, still! You have time on your side and life goes fast. Please try to make the best of it.

 

[sunbleachedflies]

He was 19 years old. We found links to this site in his notes on his computer. None of us expected this, he was always smiling, had a lot of friends, was socially involved, had many plans for the future, bought tickets for concerts in June and July. I have been reading this page since he did it (April 3 this year) because I want to understand what he felt. I'm not mad at him and I'm not mad at this community. I understand you. I feel terribly bad after his death, I'm not much older than him (24 years old), so I treated him like a younger brother. Even though I have a large loving family, many friends and a supportive boyfriend, I feel very lonely. I read farewell speech at his funeral because no one in my family could cope and everyone sees me as a strong person who has no mental problems. However, for a long time I have been struggling with problems that I don't understand, which now hit me twice as hard. I partially understand why he did it, but at the same time it breaks my heart to see my family suffer. My mother (his grandmother) has heart problems, my father too, and the whole family can't cope with it, so I don't want to tell them about my problems right now because I don't want to be a bigger problem for anyone. I don't want to die, but I feel like life is hopeless and I'm afraid that if I don't ask for help, things will get worse. I made an appointment with a psychologist. But I am very sorry that my family, friends and boyfriend who are close to me don't see my suffering, just like we didn't see my nephew's suffering.

My deepest condolences for your loss. It is never easy losing a loved one. I hope you & your family can go through this grief and find strength in this hardship. I fully support your decision to see a psychologist. I hope this is the start step to ease your suffering. Keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[jahjoe]

10 year ago my cousin ctb, and i was the only one who understood his journey.
I remember when i heard the news even though i was crying i told my house mate i was happy for him
She turned to me and was like "wtf you cant say that about suicide" yet here i am planning that my 5th attempt is a success.

Someone once said to me "its easier to be born stupid"
in many ways intelligent people suffer as much as people physically paralysed
except the scars they carry are hidden on the inside.

 

[Gone soon]

I'm sorry for your loss. I think nobody can imagine what you are going through. It's the hardest thing about suicide. What about my family, my friends? Will they hate me for what I did?Will they understand it? My thoughts are with you folks, definitely.