Venting Getting better medically but what is the point

[dreaming_of_pearl]

I have bpd so it makes it harder but I HATE BEING ALIVE I WANNA KILL MYSELF it feels like my fiancé doesn't love me. We r poly but I saw something she texted to a freind of ours and I feel so out of the loop mabye she did tell me but I feel like she didn't. I had a fear I was being used or I was stupid I hate men I hate men I wanna kms why does she like a man better then me. I hope this is the thing that gets me to leave this miserable life. I knew she dosent like me. I'm gonna do it silently so she dosent know till after tho… I hate hate doing that but I don't wanna make her suffer twice by thinking I'm gonna commit before..