Getting access to euthanasia

[helpmegetouts]

Hi, I am 23, from Italy. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and Borderline Personality Disorder 4 years ago. My life has become a constant torture and I tried to kill myself in the past. I tried partial hanging and then bought SN but I didn't have the courage to take it and my mom found out what it was. In the past years I abused drugs, spiraled down a deep deep depression and became another person. I am trying to get better but nothing helps me anymore. The decision to stop living is something rational and lucid for me, not impulsive. I do not want to experience life with my disability and my mental disorder. Everything has become pure agony and I am really really tired. In the last week I tried to contact Dignitas, Pegasos, and more associstions but I don't think they are going to approve me because of my young age. My MS is still in the first stage (RRMS) but my pain is unbearable, I do not care ehat society thinks about it. I don't need to be completely paralyzed to have the right to die. I wanted to be athletic, I wanted to experience sex normally, I wanted to experience emotions and life normally. This disease has taken everyhing from me and has exacerbated my mental illness and depression A LOT. Do you have any advice about what more I can do to get access to euthanasia? I really am scared to feel pain or to make something wrong if I try suicide again. Please help me get out of my personal hell, I know people here will understand. I know Nembutal is impossible to get and I don't know what to do anymore. I think SN might be painful. Feel free to DM me or reply here. I hope you all can find peace in this life or in death.