generic question: calming yourself enough?

[manicstreetbeeper]

if things do go to plan, ill be out tonight. i really hope so. ive been suicidal for over a decade and im going to hang myself. even knowing im going to do it, i alternate between fear and peace. my pain will be done and depending on how anything beyond my knowledge works, i might be somewhere better. im trying to get a ride to a hardware store or go somewhere myself, but i don't know what is closest. i can't order anything online unfortunately.

for people who have just attempted, did you take measures to maybe calm your physical symptoms before the act? it's my survival instinct, i know this, because i truly and sincerely need this to end. i know there is no completely easy way. im looking for as best as i can.

 

[spark]

i attempted partial hanging yesterday and i definitely underestimated my own survival instinct.
I think it's generally a good idea to take anxyolitic medications (like benzodiazepines)... but that's definitely not medical advice, hah.
However, i truly hope you're gonna be alright whatever you choose to do. I don't really know what else to say
also.. if you get the feeling that there's still a way out of whatever situation drives you to do it,
you may be right. You probably are. Give it a shot.
I don't judge you. But i truly hope things can turn alright for you. You matter. <3

 

[kagebunshin]

Last year I successfully stabbed myself three times and waited seven hours to die before calling it. I experienced no "survival instinct" but remained in full control of myself the entire time. Beforehand, I extensively pondered the neutrality of death, that it isn't "bad" or "scary", but is itself the absence of fear, of morality, of positives and negatives. You can't fear something that doesn't exist, right? How can you fear death when death isn't a state of being, but is the absence of being? It's like being afraid of what it was like before you were born. I hope that you're able to make the choices you want, and I wish you luck.