Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[Readytogo246]

Welcome Back! Your clarity is amazing and wise.

 

[wyo777]

Welcome back FC. Im happy that you got your place in the world available again. I hope those days when u was banned wasn't too hard for You. Im not this person who will agree with you in 100 %, but i understand how this place is important for You. For all people who are so much against You...do not read it.It is her place in the world and stop trying to take it away from her. Good luck FC.

 

[Kalista]

Admin, These posts are out of control now and are not helping anyone, please do the right thing.

are you trolling? being sarcastic?

this is a better approach for FC instead of creating multiple separate venting threads. you don't have to read any of FC's post. hit that ignore button if it bothers you so much.

 

[FuneralCry]

Never fearing death, only fearing existence.
No matter what I'd never fear death, instead what I fear is this cruel and hellish existence where there is endless potential for suffering and torment. I see it as terrifying to exist as a conscious being enslaved in a decaying flesh prison in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything.

It's horrific and deeply tragic how there is no straightforward, painless way for me to just die even know there is literally no limit as to how torturous this can get. The harm existence causes is simply beyond comprehension and no matter what I'll see existence itself as the problem, just being conscious and aware is something so incredibly dreadful to me and undesirable, I'd prefer to avoid it no matter what.

And this is why I find comfort in death as I believe it to be nothing more than an dreamless, eternal sleep where one is unable to experience anything for all eternity, something so ideal could never be feared by me, in fact I'd be glad to cease existing as only then am I safe from all suffering this existence so tragically causes. There is no safety from pain, agony and torment as long as one exists which is why I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what, I've only ever wished for permanent non-existence.

 

[Defenestration]

A

Never fearing death, only fearing existence.
No matter what I'd never fear death, instead what I fear is this cruel and hellish existence where there is endless potential for suffering and torment. I see it as terrifying to exist as a conscious being enslaved in a decaying flesh prison in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything.

It's horrific and deeply tragic how there is no straightforward, painless way for me to just die even know there is literally no limit as to how torturous this can get. The harm existence causes is simply beyond comprehension and no matter what I'll see existence itself as the problem, just being conscious and aware is something so incredibly dreadful to me and undesirable, I'd prefer to avoid it no matter what.

And this is why I find comfort in death as I believe it to be nothing more than an dreamless, eternal sleep where one is unable to experience anything for all eternity, something so ideal could never be feared by me, in fact I'd be glad to cease existing as only then am I safe from all suffering this existence so tragically causes. There is no safety from pain, agony and torment as long as one exists which is why I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what, I've only ever wished for permanent non-existence.

Are you suffering allait Time 24 h/24 h all.days? Or sometimes better?

 

[Hotsackage]

On a roll, keep going

 

[Tesha]

Admin, These posts are out of control now and are not helping anyone, please do the right thing.

As someone who was vocal before about the previous style and content of FC's posts, I feel her current approach is much more measured and constructive.

I know it's not about 'me', but I'm personally much less triggered and can see FC has adapted to whatever the mods have asked her to do. I'm grateful for that as it's made my experience of the site better.

So, I actually disagree that they're out of control - they are much more in control now.

 

[FuneralCry]

The comfort of being dead.
No matter what I'll always believe death to simply be non-existence, nothing more than an dreamless, eternal sleep where all is finally forgotten about. And this comforts me so much, I find comfort in death erasing all the suffering and bringing peace from this existence so cruel and futile. What comforts me about death is that existence will no longer be my problem, nothing can matter to me and I'll lack the ability to suffer and feel pain.

To me existence is an abomination and I see it as a terrible, tragic mistake how life exists, no matter what I'll only wish for the eternity of non-existence, what appeals to me about ceasing to exist is the fact that it's permanent, I'd never wish to exist no matter what and all I've ever wished for is to be eternally unaware. To be able to just painlessly die would bring me so much peace, I wish that suicide is as straightforward as just never waking again, I certainly envy those who no longer suffer in this existence, as existing just isn't for me.

A

Are you suffering allait Time 24 h/24 h all.days? Or sometimes better?

If I'm able to sleep then it's better. At least then I'm not fully conscious.

 

[derpyderpins]

Admin, These posts are out of control now and are not helping anyone, please do the right thing.

Hoping I'm giving you new information but you should know you can hit "ignore" at the top of the screen to never see this thread again. I think this solution is pretty great, honestly. Bravo mods.

The comfort of being dead.
No matter what I'll always believe death to simply be non-existence, nothing more than an dreamless, eternal sleep where all is finally forgotten about. And this comforts me so much, I find comfort in death erasing all the suffering and bringing peace from this existence so cruel and futile. What comforts me about death is that existence will no longer be my problem, nothing can matter to me and I'll lack the ability to suffer and feel pain.

To me existence is an abomination and I see it as a terrible, tragic mistake how life exists, no matter what I'll only wish for the eternity of non-existence, what appeals to me about ceasing to exist is the fact that it's permanent, I'd never wish to exist no matter what and all I've ever wished for is to be eternally unaware. To be able to just painlessly die would bring me so much peace, I wish that suicide is as straightforward as just never waking again, I certainly envy those who no longer suffer in this existence, as existing just isn't for me.

I agree that after death is nothing. My issue is that nothing will not be an eternal sleep. Sleep is peaceful, imo, rather than nothing. I want to get to feel that relief like laying your head down after a shitty day before I die.

I hope you are enjoying the new format for your posts!

 

[FuneralCry]

Not relating to those who wish to exist.
I've never been able to relate to those who wish to exist or find existing at least somewhat bearable, to me existence will always be completely undesirable and just feels like a tragic mistake. There truly is nothing appealing about the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human to me, existing is just suffering all for no reason or purpose all while one is just waiting to die anyway.

I don't see value in prolonging existence, rather such just leads to more pointless pain, I don't see the appeal in reaching an much older age rather such terrifies me and fills me with dread. I'll always prefer true peace over having the ability to suffer no matter what, I know that I'm not meant to exist and I'm only meant for death. And it's just so cruel and terrible how despite all this suicide isn't accepted as a valid option because after all just because some people want to exist doesn't mean that everyone does, more than anything I wish I never existed at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

It terrifies me how a human can potentially suffer in this existence for so long
It truly does, I find it terrifying how this existence could continue for decades longer with no limit as to how torturous it can get. The thought of reaching an very old age is beyond hellish to me and what I find immensely cruel is how people are expected to be burdened with this existence for that long with no acceptance towards suicide as the very valid personal choice it truly is.

It's just so dreadful and terrible to me how there is no straightforward escape from this existence, I personally don't see any benefit to suffering for decades on end so unnecessarily just to deteriorate and decay even further. It's all just so meaningless and undesirable, we are all destined for nothing but to die anyway so I'd prefer to cease existing sooner to escape from pointless suffering, there are an unlimited amount of disadvantages to existing yet none to being unaware for all eternity, I've only ever wished for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is forgotten about. In my case I'd never want to suffer and existing truly does feel like nothing but suffering.

 

[disabledlife]

Welcome back @FuneralCry !

I'm glad to see you again, even if I would have preferred that you didn't suffer. I feel most of the things you feel, I understand you. I understand that you can't please everyone, it's always been like that, I'm still experiencing this situation too. I hope that your wishes will always be respected in any case. I would have preferred that everyone was happy and chose to live instead of everything being constrained, forced, etc., without choice or compensation. Courage everyone too, I kiss you too, thank you also for your compassion, your listening, your kindness.

 

[Rational man]

I w

As someone who was vocal before about the previous style and content of FC's posts, I feel her current approach is much more measured and constructive.

I know it's not about 'me', but I'm personally much less triggered and can see FC has adapted to whatever the mods have asked her to do. I'm grateful for that as it's made my experience of the site better.

So, I actually disagree that they're out of control - they are much more in control now.

I second that. The important thing is that we accept our supportive group within the terms allowed. We have all arrived here on different pathways and our views on life and death are very different. Apart from group members, there's no-one outside i can talk to in confidence about my ill health.

 

[FuneralCry]

The pain of existing will always be very real and should never be invalidated.
It's true that the pain of existing is endless, the amount of agony and torment in this hellish world is simply beyond comprehension and that should never be dismissed.
Honestly I'm never able to understand those who act like existence itself is something so positive when in reality it's the source of all suffering and ultimate cause of what torments existing beings. It truly is tragic how existing beings have to suffer so senselessly as a result of being forced into existence, the pain they feel is very real with literally no limit as to how torturous existing can get, I find it deeply horrific how existing beings are capable of being tormented so immensely.

I could never see anything positive about any of this, to me existence truly is a mistake, it's a terrible mistake that causes nothing but harm and has accomplished nothing but torturing existing beings all throughout history until they die anyway with all they know forgotten about.

Under no circumstances would I ever wish to exist, I see it as a punishment to have the ability to exist, I wish more than anything I stayed eternally unaware, I'd always see it as better to never exist than to suffer in this reality filled with endless pain and torment where existing beings are suffering every second of their futile existences.

 

[FuneralCry]

No hope in existing.
It always comes across as so hollow and empty to me when people force the view that there is always hope in existing but anyway existence will always be the exact opposite to me, it's something completely hopeless that serves no function but to cause existing beings to suffer so unnecessarily.

The fact that this existence could potentially continue for decades more terrifies me, I see nothing hopeful about being enslaved in a decaying flesh prison destined to deteriorate way more until one reaches the hellish torture of extreme old age, there's no hope in an existence so meaningless and painful that is nothing but suffering. For me the only peace lies in death, I see nothing positive about existing as a conscious being capable of experiencing the most pain in an existence that can potentially get so torturous way beyond how anyone can imagine it to.

Existence itself will always be the problem for me and I'm certainly tired of it, I hope I fall asleep soon as sleeping is the closest to not existing. I really wish painless suicide is accessible so I can find peace from this cruel, painful existence, to fall asleep eternally truly would be such a relief.

 

[bernara]

Glad you are back. Wish you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

The horrors of existence are endless and they continue.
I know I write about this a lot and that's because the horrors of existence continue to repeat and are happening every second with them continuing to as long as life is so tragically forced here.
The amount of harm, endless torment and cruelty existence causes is simply beyond comprehension with existing beings brought here just to suffer in existences so futile with no limit as to how intense the agony can get, it truly is so horrific.
I see existence as being nothing more than an cycle of suffering that so harmfully continues to repeat where existing beings suffer through unbearable pain all for no reason and no purpose just to decay, deteriorate and die anyway, if one is in such agony now then it can very easily get much more unbearable all through no fault of their own and that is why existence is such an abomination to me.

I find it so incredibly tragic how I have to suffer so unnecessarily at all when there were never any disadvantages to never existing at all, the horrors of existence truly are endless and more than anything I wish I stayed eternally unaware of them all. I'd always prefer to not exist but only never existing is true perfection to me, I see no benefit to being forced into this world filled with endless agony just to be tormented and feel pain in an existence that served no purpose in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

Don't want to get old.
No matter what I'd never wish to reach an much older age, the thought of such terrifies me and just sounds so immensley hellish. The fact that humans can suffer so long disturbs me, I'd personally never see anything appealing about being trapped in this existence for decades suffering so unnecessarily just to decay and deteriorate ending up with some agonising painful disease or dementia, just waiting to die anyway.

And being tortured so extremely by old age is all that humans are destined for, the human body really is just is a decaying flesh prison that one is enslaved to, I see no point, purpose and benefit to prolonging the suffering as much as possible just to end up in way worse agony.

I just find old age disturbing personally and in my case I'd certainly always prefer to be permanently unaware than to face this hell, existence was always something completely undesirable in the first place and I never would have wanted or chose this.
I just wish that suicide is accepted as a valid option, I wish for access to a painless death like never waking again, it's just so terrible to me and immensely cruel how many wish to trap others in this existence with no options of a painless way out. I'll always find it horrible how there's no acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wants to get old, it's never something I'd wish for.

 

[davidtorez]

Don't want to get old.
No matter what I'd never wish to reach an much older age, the thought of such terrifies me and just sounds so immensley hellish. The fact that humans can suffer so long disturbs me, I'd personally never see anything appealing about being trapped in this existence for decades suffering so unnecessarily just to decay and deteriorate ending up with some agonising painful disease or dementia, just waiting to die anyway.

And being tortured so extremely by old age is all that humans are destined for, the human body really is just is a decaying flesh prison that one is enslaved to, I see no point, purpose and benefit to prolonging the suffering as much as possible just to end up in way worse agony.

I just find old age disturbing personally and in my case I'd certainly always prefer to be permanently unaware than to face this hell, existence was always something completely undesirable in the first place and I never would have wanted or chose this.
I just wish that suicide is accepted as a valid option, I wish for access to a painless death like never waking again, it's just so terrible to me and immensely cruel how many wish to trap others in this existence with no options of a painless way out. I'll always find it horrible how there's no acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wants to get old, it's never something I'd wish for.

Welcome back @FuneralCry ! I have missed your posts as I agree with 99% of the things that you say especially about getting older and suffering more and more as we age. I am living through that now in fact . There is no such thing as chronic pleasure , only chronic pain!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd always prefer to forget about this existence, I'd never wish to remember.
No matter what for me I'd always prefer that this existence is permanently forgotten about, I wish I could forget about it all. And this is why I find so much comfort in death as I believe it to simply be an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is forgotten about. I'd never wish for something so dreadful and terrible as existence and all I see as desirable is being eternally unaware of this for all eternity, being conscious just leads to suffering and is what causes me to suffer and I'd never want to suffer in this existence.

To me having the ability to exist is a futile and torturous burden I'd prefer to erase and be eternally free from, existing has only ever caused me pain and it'd be such an overwhelming relief to simply be able to sleep for all eternity and forget about all the harm this existence so tragically caused. I just see existence as a horrific mistake that only death can bring me peace from, I don't see the appeal in prolonging this existence rather all that appeals to me is the eternity of death erasing everything for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only when I'm dead can I no longer suffer.
I'll only be free from all the suffering when I'm no longer trapped in this undesirable existence, as long as I exist I'll suffer no matter what and what I find horrific is how there is no limit as to how extreme the agony can get. I know that I'm not meant for existing, it's so terrible and tragic how I have to exist, if I never existed all this pointless torment would have been prevented.

All I've ever wished for is the peace of eternal sleep where all is erased, not even existing as a distant memory, I envy those who no longer exist as all they knew is forgotten about for them, they cannot suffer in any way, they have no worries, problems or concerns and they lack the ability to feel pain, unable to mourn for how they cannot be tormented in this existence so meaningless. Only when I'm dead can I no longer suffer and I'd never wish to suffer in this existence no matter what, I find it painful to simply exist, existence is just too cruel and I'm certainly not meant for it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wish for painless way to cease existing.
I certainly do wish for access to a painless death just like never waking again, I wish for a peaceful suicide to solve everything for me and bring true peace from the endless pain this existence causes. What I find so devastatingly tragic is how it's apparently too much to ask for if one prefers to simply cease existing on their own terms, it's deeply cruel how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option.

Because after all not everyone wishes to suffer in this futile, meaningless existence, not everyone sees value in being conscious and aware, just waiting to die anyway. I personally only find comfort in death and to be able to painlessly free myself from this existence truly would be such an overwhelming relief. To simply be able to fall asleep for all eternity is all I see as desirable, I'm tired of suffering in this existence I never would have chosen in the first place, no matter what I'll only wish for eternal nothingness.

 

[FuneralCry]

Not seeing anything appealing about existing.
No matter what I could never see anything appealing about having the ability to exist, rather such will always be something so tiresome and undesirable to me. I see no benefit to existing as a conscious being enslaved in a decaying, deteriorating flesh prison just slowly dying and waiting to die anyway, I see no value in this or point as well, it's all so futile and as well as that just causes nothing but meaningless suffering.

Honestly I'd never be grateful or glad to exist but rather the opposite, I find it tragic how I was forced into an existence I was never meant for, existing to me is a burden, I'd never wish to exist especially as there are no disadvantages to permanently not existing, I've only ever wished to not exist and I only find non-existence appealing as after all nobody can suffer from the absence of everything.

I don't see the value or appeal in experiencing anything because as well as being dreadful and terrible having the ability to exist is completely unnecessary. There was never a need for existence at all which makes it even more cruel to me how I cannot just choose to fall asleep eternally, only eternal sleep can bring me peace from this existence I've always found unappealing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'll only be at peace once I no longer exist, there is no peace in existing.
For me peace could only ever lie in the absence of everything, there could never be any peace in existing, I'll only be at peace once I'm eternally unconscious with this meaningless, cruel and dreadful existence permanently forgotten about.

To simply be conscious and aware in this world filled with endless suffering is so tiresome and undesirable to me, as long as existence is my problem and I have to deal with it I'll never be at peace. I see existence as enslavement as after all I was so tragically forced here with no straightforward way to escape, there is no peace as long as I exist because there's no escape from myself, there's no escape from my thoughts and all the suffering this existence causes.

To me there could never be peace in this futile struggle of slowly dying where chance so senselessly determines everything where existing can potentially get so torturous beyond how anyone can imagine. No such just causes me to suffer and I'd never want to suffer in any way, rather all I wish for is this painful existence to be forgotten about. I've only ever wished to be at peace as I'm not suited for something so hellish as existence, I'm not meant for this burden, rather all I'm meant for is eternal nothingness and I'll only be at peace once all I knew is finally gone, really hope I fall asleep soon, I'm very tired of existing.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

@FuneralCry Is there anything I can do to help? From what I understand, you're in a situation where you want to CTB but your access to methods is extremely limited. Am I correct? GRANTED, I don't know what I can do other than provide information (privately, since public suggestions are against the rules) that may provide you some new insight into methods, ease your fears about some of them, provide literature, resources, commiserate on the misery of being Disabled (I don't know if you're Disabled, but I am and I hate it!), vent about how Psychiatrist are filthy sadistic cockroaches, or just shoot the shit. If there's something, anything I can do to help, I'm here.

 

[FuneralCry]

Each day is one closer to death.
No matter what each day will always be one closer to the inevitable, it's one day closer to being eternally at peace, it's one day closer to death erasing all my suffering. To me existing truly is just a futile and meaningless process of just waiting to die anyway where one is just slowly dying, destined for nothing but to deteriorate and suffer even more.

Death is all that's inevitable and is something I see as completely normal as after all there is no escaping this, I see human existence as being a temporary and futile distraction from the fact that all this leads to nothing with humans just waiting until they eternally lose consciousness and by that point nothing in this pointless existence can matter to them.
And this is why I find it so absurd, yet so terrible how we exist in such an anti-death society with so many believing that pointless pain and senseless agony must be prolonged no matter what even know all will eventually be forgotten about in death anyway.

Why should anyone have to suffer so pointlessly when they just want to be at peace, I find it so immensley cruel how there is no acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wishes to prolong this existence for as long as possible just to be tortured by old age and die slowly and in agony, how could it be so so terrible preferring to die sooner to escape from pointless suffering, each day is one closer to death and I find that this waiting process only ever causes me to suffer.
For me there could never be a point to prolonging this dreadful, painful existence especially as the peace of non-existence would solve everything for me, all that comforts me is the thought of an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is finally forgotten about.

@FuneralCry Is there anything I can do to help? From what I understand, you're in a situation where you want to CTB but your access to methods is extremely limited. Am I correct? GRANTED, I don't know what I can do other than provide information (privately, since public suggestions are against the rules) that may provide you some new insight into methods, ease your fears about some of them, provide literature, resources, commiserate on the misery of being Disabled (I don't know if you're Disabled, but I am and I hate it!), vent about how Psychiatrist are filthy sadistic cockroaches, or just shoot the shit. If there's something, anything I can do to help, I'm here.

Only having access to Nembutal would truly help me which of course isn't an option for me in this anti-suicide world, but anyway thank you for being so kind.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally only envy those who no longer exist.
No matter what I'll only ever envy those who no longer exist, they are the only fortunate ones to me as they lack the ability to suffer in this existence so cruel and meaningless. It sounds so peaceful to me to simply be unaware for all eternity with no problems or concerns, I envy those who don't exist because they lack the ability to feel pain and are no longer burdened with this existence and to me existing truly just is such a futile and torturous burden that causes nothing but suffering.

I don't envy anyone who is conscious and aware in this world so hellish, there's just nothing to envy, I'll always see it as preferable to sleep eternally no matter what, I only wish for the peace that eternal sleep can bring. For me ceasing to exist could only ever be something positive as after all there are no disadvantages to being unconscious for all eternity and I don't want to suffer in any way, I simply wish to be at peace instead and for me peace could only ever lie in the eternal absence of everything.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only suited to the peace of eternal nothingness.
No matter what I'll only ever be suited to the peace of eternal nothingness, I'm not meant for something so cruel and undesirable as having the ability to exist, I find it a burden to simply be conscious and aware, simply just existing will always be painful and tiring to me no matter what.

To exist means to suffer and I don't want to suffer in any way, rather I just wish to be at true, permanent peace for all eternity. I'd never be able to comprehend why anyone would wish for existence as to me personally existence is the problem, I see it as a problem how I'm enslaved in this reality filled with endless torment with no instant, accessible escape.

Existence truly is so immensely hellish and harmful and always will be no matter what, I'm certainly not meant for this, I'm not meant to be trapped in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything just waiting to die destined for nothing but to suffer way more. I just wish there's acceptance towards the fact that not all are meant to exist, it'll always be so immensley cruel how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option even know I was so unfairly forced into this existence I never would have chosen in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wish that suicide is as straightforward as never waking.
I really wish that ending my own existence is as straightforward as choosing to never wake again, it'd bring me so much peace and relief from suffering, to fall asleep eternally is all that comforts me and all I see as desirable. More than anything I wish that this existence could just painlessly disappear into nothingness with all finally forgotten about.

But no, tragically we exist in this society where there isn't the option of an exit so guaranteed and painless with suicide seen as something to so harmfully stop no matter what even if the individual is so incredibly desperate to die, why cannot be accepted if one personally wishes for eternal sleep over suffering in this existence so cruel and painful. Death will come eventually and I'd always prefer to die painlessly on my own terms rather than suffer for as long as possible, one shouldn't have to struggle to be eternally free from this existence and I find it hellish how they do. The inaccessibility of painless methods just leads to way more suffering and harm in a world already filled with endless torment.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it tragic how life exists.
To me it'll always be so incredibly tragic how life even exists at all, I see the existence of life as the most terrible tragedy that has caused nothing but endless torment, cruelty and harm all throughout history in an endless cycle that so tragically continues to repeat once new life is forced here.

What I find tragic about existence is how unnecessary it all is, there was never a need for any of this which is why I'll always see it as a tragedy how existing beings are tormented so senselessly. If nothing ever existed there would be no suffering, nobody can be harmed by never existing at all and I just find it so tragic how existing beings are burdened with the ability to suffer and feel immense pain all of which is completely futile and purposeless in the first place until they decay and die anyway in an existence that was completely meaningless.

Existing truly just is pointless suffering all for no reason and purpose and I see it as an abomination to be conscious and aware of all this. The pain that existing causes is very real despite it all being senseless and leading to nothing in the end, I wish to die as only when I'm dead can I not suffer in any way and I'd never wish to suffer. I wish I stayed eternally unaware of this terrible tragedy more than anything and existence is tragic as it's the source of all that causes one to suffer, existence is the problem that never needed to exist that only ceasing to exist can solve for me.