friend also wants to ctb

[starsofevernight]

what the title says. and the problem is, I... get it. he says he's tired, i say i'm tired too. I don't want to accidentally slip and say something that drives him further down the line. and I know I'm selfish, but I really don't want him to CTB. and I know he doesn't want me to either. he's probably closer to me than I am to him admittedly but I would be in a fucking awful place if he died. sorry this is just a ramble. he's not the reason I'm alive or anything but I'm doing... a surprisingly decent job of just keeping myself too busy to die in the next few weeks. too many commitments, don't want to ruin my loved ones' xmas, yeah? but I'm worried about my friend. obv it's his choice to CTB or not but like. I'm selfish, alright?