kitkatt
Possumpwincess
- Feb 17, 2026
- 139
I'm so fucking tired. I've been researching and testing if available and it's likely that I have bpd and bipolar. Bipolar one. I feel like I just woke up after sleeping for 2 to 4 weeks I don't know what the fuck is going on. Everyone's going to be right I will be like my mom. I want to hate her for all the hurt but did she really even know? I almost drowned in the bathtub after promising to not kill myself in the house. I wasn't aware. I'm always gonna be alone how can anyone else possibly understand me if I can't understand myself. I don't feel real. I wish I wasn't real. I wish I wasn't such a pussy. I'm never gonna get better. I'm only gonna prolong my misery and I don't want this. Brought it up to my doctor and of course I only brought it up because I know he's a good doctor and cares about his patients but I could see how scared he was for me. Listening to him explain how getting this diagnosis could further ruin my life was such a gut punch. Why the fuck do mental illnesses have to be treated like warning labels? I'm fucking SICK. Nobody warns against a cancer diagnosis for fear of medical mistreatment why does it have to be different for other sicknesses. Why can't I just suck it up and commit and get it over with. Why do I keep waiting for things to get fucking better when I could never possibly dream of affording to make it better. This probably doesn't make a lot of sense but I just needed to word vomit so I don't lose my shit. Gonna get high now 
