ManyADreadfulNight
not dead yet, dw
- Mar 11, 2026
- 26
I went to a pride event for the first time yesterday. Not only that, but I ran into both a close friend (neither of us had come out to the other until that point), and an old teacher I still keep in contact with. Got one of those "Free Dad Hug"s at a booth. Did a lot of things.
Ereyesterday, I was so convinced I was going to jump in front of a train the next chance I got. I was in a strange place. My leg is covered in the cuts I was using to cope.
I went to Pride because my sister said she'd take me. I wasn't sure what to expect. Growing up Mormon, I was taught it was something to fear, avoid, hate, protest, and whatever else. At best I was told there was no point to it, but most people just said it was evil.
But I went anyways. And I started off apprehensive. What if someone I know sees me? Turns out multiple people I know were there, and it was, in all actuality, a really fucking good thing.
By the end, I felt relaxed and happy in a way I'm not sure I knew was possible. Oftentimes if I get really happy, there's a crash and things are very bad afterwards. None of that.
And it's persisted, to some degree. I feel calmer and less frantic to get out of my life. Almost peaceful. It probably won't last too long (I'm never without my suicidality for more than a few days), but I feel like I've had a warm blanket draped over me when I didn't even realise I was cold. Like I can just handle stuff for a bit.
I understand why people say Pride Saves Lives now.
Ereyesterday, I was so convinced I was going to jump in front of a train the next chance I got. I was in a strange place. My leg is covered in the cuts I was using to cope.
I went to Pride because my sister said she'd take me. I wasn't sure what to expect. Growing up Mormon, I was taught it was something to fear, avoid, hate, protest, and whatever else. At best I was told there was no point to it, but most people just said it was evil.
But I went anyways. And I started off apprehensive. What if someone I know sees me? Turns out multiple people I know were there, and it was, in all actuality, a really fucking good thing.
By the end, I felt relaxed and happy in a way I'm not sure I knew was possible. Oftentimes if I get really happy, there's a crash and things are very bad afterwards. None of that.
And it's persisted, to some degree. I feel calmer and less frantic to get out of my life. Almost peaceful. It probably won't last too long (I'm never without my suicidality for more than a few days), but I feel like I've had a warm blanket draped over me when I didn't even realise I was cold. Like I can just handle stuff for a bit.
I understand why people say Pride Saves Lives now.
