Venting Finally decided

[lixiane]

I've decided on a date (january 11) and decided on a method. I've started writing the drafts of my letters to my family members that I will print out and leave in a box before I do it. I've decided to just hang myself. It's the easiest for me to do and it takes less time to set up. I think it's just hitting me now that I will be gone soon. I will disappear and one day my closest family members will even forget me. I dont even know if i really should do this. It makes me sad that I'm not selfless enough to hold on for the sake of my mother and my siblings. There was another incident that shook me recently and I think that's what made me finally get the courage to start setting things up. I'm not sure if I should feel happy that that incident finally made me make up my mind. I don't feel happy about it, but I'm not sad about it either. I just feel uneasy.

 

[fleetingnight]

There was another incident that shook me recently and I think that's what made me finally get the courage to start setting things up. I'm not sure if I should feel happy that that incident finally made me make up my mind. I don't feel happy about it, but I'm not sad about it either. I just feel uneasy.

I really get this. I want to be pushed over the edge, so I can finally be ready to end my suffering, but at the same time, the idea of being ready scares me. And, of course it still upsets me when things get worse, even if I've been asking for it.

I dont even know if i really should do this.

Deadlines can always be pushed if you need to for any reason. Even if you postpone it indefinitely, that doesn't change that it helped you for the time being, so I wouldn't consider it a waste, if that makes any sense at all

I'm really sorry life has been so unkind to you. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Wanting to leave a bad situation is a natural response, I don't think it makes you selfish.

 

[lixiane]

I really get this. I want to be pushed over the edge, so I can finally be ready to end my suffering, but at the same time, the idea of being ready scares me. And, of course it still upsets me when things get worse, even if I've been asking for it.


Deadlines can always be pushed if you need to for any reason. Even if you postpone it indefinitely, that doesn't change that it helped you for the time being, so I wouldn't consider it a waste, if that makes any sense at all

I'm really sorry life has been so unkind to you. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Wanting to leave a bad situation is a natural response, I don't think it makes you selfish.

Right? It's very contradictory. I want to experience things that will push me into finally doing it but I also don't. Thank you for your kind words. It's a small comfort amidst all of the things happening in my life right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you all the best.

 

[null_blank]

May the days you have remaining be easy and light c:

 

[SVEN]

The choice will always be yours, best wishes whatever your final decision.