Heya everyone!
I've known about this place for quite some time now and finally decided to join.
A bit about myself:
I have a chronic but invisible disability. And the "fun" thing about those is, that society at large doesn't have much sympathy for what it can't outright see.
The last decade has been a sisyphean struggle of being in constant physical pain and no one "believing" it.
Doctors know what's causing it, but it's not enough to get a de-facto diagnosis, and without that, you're expected to function.
Needless to say, this eventually broke me mentally as well. I can endure the pain, in fact, i've long grown numb to it. It is what it is.
But the damage caused by a decades worth of trying to justify myself over and over and over again... There's just nothing that could ever prepare you for that.
And eventually, it inevitably resulted in depression, dark thoughts and ultimately... nihilism.
Luckily, i have no impulses to act on said dark thoughts, but they are very much there. What they caused, however, is some reflection.
Eventually, you start to question why a system so outright cold and cruel pretends to be "holier than though" in its moral grandstanding about a person deciding they simply had enough. That their battle is over.
"Life is worth living!" they say, while they kick and punch you over and over and over again and wonder why you may have enough of this.
For the longest time, i felt strange to think about suicide so nonchalantly. How this big, ultimate taboo became such a mundane thought.
Moreso, i felt alone thinking like that.
And then i heard about this forum. Obviously via the myriad of horror stories spread about it.
But i read your mission statement over and over...
And the only thing that went through my mind was "...i'm not alone with this afterall".
Feeling understood very much comes in the strangest forms.
So many warnings, so many horror stories, so much moral grandstanding.
And in reality, this forum was the first time in what felt like forever that i didn't feel weird.
That i felt understood.
So without knowing it, just by existing, you guys already helped tremendously! So thank you, sincerely.
From someone who felt he might never find any understanding. it was the people everyone warned about that managed to give back even a sliver of hope.
I've known about this place for quite some time now and finally decided to join.
A bit about myself:
I have a chronic but invisible disability. And the "fun" thing about those is, that society at large doesn't have much sympathy for what it can't outright see.
The last decade has been a sisyphean struggle of being in constant physical pain and no one "believing" it.
Doctors know what's causing it, but it's not enough to get a de-facto diagnosis, and without that, you're expected to function.
Needless to say, this eventually broke me mentally as well. I can endure the pain, in fact, i've long grown numb to it. It is what it is.
But the damage caused by a decades worth of trying to justify myself over and over and over again... There's just nothing that could ever prepare you for that.
And eventually, it inevitably resulted in depression, dark thoughts and ultimately... nihilism.
Luckily, i have no impulses to act on said dark thoughts, but they are very much there. What they caused, however, is some reflection.
Eventually, you start to question why a system so outright cold and cruel pretends to be "holier than though" in its moral grandstanding about a person deciding they simply had enough. That their battle is over.
"Life is worth living!" they say, while they kick and punch you over and over and over again and wonder why you may have enough of this.
For the longest time, i felt strange to think about suicide so nonchalantly. How this big, ultimate taboo became such a mundane thought.
Moreso, i felt alone thinking like that.
And then i heard about this forum. Obviously via the myriad of horror stories spread about it.
But i read your mission statement over and over...
And the only thing that went through my mind was "...i'm not alone with this afterall".
Feeling understood very much comes in the strangest forms.
So many warnings, so many horror stories, so much moral grandstanding.
And in reality, this forum was the first time in what felt like forever that i didn't feel weird.
That i felt understood.
So without knowing it, just by existing, you guys already helped tremendously! So thank you, sincerely.
From someone who felt he might never find any understanding. it was the people everyone warned about that managed to give back even a sliver of hope.
