Story My Past Attempt, and How it Motivates Me Today

[GroundControl]

To preface, this gets graphic.

In my senior year of high school, I struggled a lot with my identity. My mother was very unsupportive. I remember one day it came to a head. She screamed at me, called me selfish, and told me I only ever think about myself. So, I grabbed my purse with my blades, walked into the forest, and went out to a dock.

I slit my wrists. I was terrified. I had to run over the cut multiple times to deepen it. It was painful but I kept going, and I kept going, and my mother had caused me so much pain that the willpower just struck me. My arm eventually started squirting blood. The utter relief I felt in that moment still sticks with me. It was like breaching the surface of water for air, after you'd been under for too long. I laid down on the dock and waited, peaceful.

I didn't end up bleeding out. It sort of slowed on its own and I had to get up and walk home, because it was clear I wasn't going to die. But that moment of relief tells me now, that despite my fear, when the moment comes and I know I'm going to die... I will feel relieved. Peaceful. I think this helps me come to terms with it all.

 

[blueebellsss]

I have heard many times of people feeling "peaceful" when close to death. Do you think it was something like that, or more like peaceful because you were happy to let yourself bleed?

Either way, the thought gives me a lot of comfort. I hope to feel calm and at ease when dying, but it of course depends a lot on the method.

 

[GroundControl]

I have heard many times of people feeling "peaceful" when close to death. Do you think it was something like that, or more like peaceful because you were happy to let yourself bleed?

Either way, the thought gives me a lot of comfort. I hope to feel calm and at ease when dying, but it of course depends a lot on the method.

I was peaceful, mentally, because I thought it was finally over. I thought I'd be done. I think I am a lot more content with death than I realize.