33rw1n
New Member
- Aug 12, 2023
- 1
Im finally at that age where you need to take responsibility and put in the work to survive. To be honest though its too much for me, I feel overwhelmed and pressured by my dad who told me he wished he didn't have me. My relationship with my mom is basically non existent at the moment after remembering a traumatic experience I buried in my memories. Ive been going out with my friends more often now more then ever because being at home with my dad makes the feeling of wanting to die grow stronger. I was in therapy but because of the financial situation im in, I cant afford to pay for that anymore. Each day I think about some way of dying, when im driving i think about driving off a cliff or crashing into some wall, when im looking out a window of a top floor i think about jumping out, when i stare at my pocket knife i think about slitting some part of my body. But for some reason out of all of these ways i can take myself out the one that stands out the most to me is hanging myself, letting myself hang from a tree in a forest or a ceiling fan. I cant find meaning in my life anymore after everything ive been told by my own family i just want to die. I wish i had the courage to just end my life but i just cant get myself to do it. Ive tried to tell my friends how i feel but whenever i do i feel im being a burden to them, another problem in their more than likely already problematic life. To be honest the only things that are keeping me from kms are my fear of death and my younger sisters, I dont want them to find out there older brother is dead. Reading the vents of other people on this website helps me feel a little better knowing there are those who are just like me who dont want to continue living.
