feeling especially hopeless today

[90starve]

my CO plans have inevitably come to a halt until i can afford to purchase a meter. im really itching to just pitch the tents and start testing them, but i can't because i'm broke!

planning my suicide truly is the only hobby i have left. that's so sad. it's such a sunny day today, but i'll stay inside anyway. im listening to my boyfriend completely attack my character right now. he thinks i'm pathetic.

this post doesn't really have any point or direction, so im sorry to waste your time! i just feel like my thoughts are floating endlessly around my head, which is just so irritating

 

[befree]

A CO meter is not absolutely necessary. It´s only useful. (I do not say this to encourage you to commit suicide.)

 

[90starve]

A CO meter is not absolutely necessary. It´s only useful. (I do not say this to encourage you to commit suicide.)

i agree with you. generally. but in my case, it's a necessity just for peace of mind :)

 

[Aisley]

Those meters cost quite a chunk, considering it's a one-time use kind of purchase. Did you ever look into rentals?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this now. I understand that meters give a certain "security of mind" but in the end they may not be essential. Lately I had the idea of peparing 2 BBQs within 15-20 minutes. I's just take the 2nd BBQ together with me into the tent/room. Just an idea. Anyway the best is to KIS (= keep it simple). I hope you can find peace the one or the other way!

 

[90starve]

Those meters cost quite a chunk, considering it's a one-time use kind of purchase. Did you ever look into rentals?

yes, you can rent a TPI 707 from here: https://www.itm.com/product/tpi-707-carbon-monoxide-analyzer-with-case-and-flue-probe-rental but they do not ship to me in the UK. i've not been able to find another site renting meters that measure up to 10,000ppm, although i did only quickly surf. a solution to this may be a mail forwarding service, but the whole idea seems very tedious to me + returning it would be a pain.

alternatively, i can purchase a TPI 707 from here: https://www.tequipment.net/TPI707.a...MIxJWDrI_e_wIVDLrtCh0PcA7rEAQYByABEgLTBfD_BwE they will ship to the UK. however, for an additional price of £110. considering that this will be a one-time use kind of purchase + that i would like to have it with me on the "big day", i can justify forking out that much cash.

i understand that this isn't an option for everybody though, so im grateful to be so fortunate. also i wouldn't want to burden my dad with the task of returning the meter for me post CTB, on top of everything else he will have to handle for me.

I'm sorry you have to go through this now. I understand that meters give a certain "security of mind" but in the end they may not be essential. Lately I had the idea of peparing 2 BBQs within 15-20 minutes. I's just take the 2nd BBQ together with me into the tent/room. Just an idea. Anyway the best is to KIS (= keep it simple). I hope you can find peace the one or the other way!

thankyou. yes, i saw a comment from @befree discussing the same idea. for peace of mind, i agree that its definitely something worth considering, and i will now also be adding this to my method!

however, i have a curiosity about the CO method, and would like a meter to conduct the tests anyway. i think that it might be strangely fun! i have no desperation to CTB, rather i want to carefully plan it to ensure i don't fail.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

thankyou. yes, i saw a comment from @befree discussing the same idea. for peace of mind, i agree that its definitely something worth considering, and i will now also be adding this to my method!

however, i have a curiosity about the CO method, and would like a meter to conduct the tests anyway. i think that it might be strangely fun! i have no desperation to CTB, rather i want to carefully plan it to ensure i don't fail.

I personally also would like to do appropiriate tests but unfortunately I don't have the means and the chances for it. :-( this kills me because it could be so helpful for other considering this method. :-(

 

[Dolphin55]

yes, you can rent a TPI 707 from here: https://www.itm.com/product/tpi-707-carbon-monoxide-analyzer-with-case-and-flue-probe-rental but they do not ship to me in the UK. i've not been able to find another site renting meters that measure up to 10,000ppm, although i did only quickly surf. a solution to this may be a mail forwarding service, but the whole idea seems very tedious to me + returning it would be a pain.

alternatively, i can purchase a TPI 707 from here: https://www.tequipment.net/TPI707.a...MIxJWDrI_e_wIVDLrtCh0PcA7rEAQYByABEgLTBfD_BwE they will ship to the UK. however, for an additional price of £110. considering that this will be a one-time use kind of purchase + that i would like to have it with me on the "big day", i can justify forking out that much cash.

i understand that this isn't an option for everybody though, so im grateful to be so fortunate. also i wouldn't want to burden my dad with the task of returning the meter for me post CTB, on top of everything else he will have to handle for me.


thankyou. yes, i saw a comment from @befree discussing the same idea. for peace of mind, i agree that its definitely something worth considering, and i will now also be adding this to my method!

however, i have a curiosity about the CO method, and would like a meter to conduct the tests anyway. i think that it might be strangely fun! i have no desperation to CTB, rather i want to carefully plan it to ensure i don't fail.

Sounds like you're being very thorough with it. It might be useful to post a thread with your findings and what materials you use so others can benefit if they can't afford a metre to run tests of their own, if you feel able that is.

 

[90starve]

I personally also would like to do appropiriate tests but unfortunately I don't have the means and the chances for it. :-( this kills me because it could be so helpful for other considering this method. :-(

im sorry, that's unfortunate. silver lining is you seem educated enough on the method to be able to execute it without a meter though!

Sounds like you're being very thorough with it. It might be useful to post a thread with your findings and what materials you use so others can benefit if they can't afford a metre to run tests of their own, if you feel able that is.

yes, that's the least i can do, after everything that this community has given me <3 i will definitely be posting my findings!

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish that it was easier to leave this world, I understand feeling so tired of it all but anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[peelingbananas]

my CO plans have inevitably come to a halt until i can afford to purchase a meter. im really itching to just pitch the tents and start testing them, but i can't because i'm broke!

planning my suicide truly is the only hobby i have left. that's so sad. it's such a sunny day today, but i'll stay inside anyway. im listening to my boyfriend completely attack my character right now. he thinks i'm pathetic.

this post doesn't really have any point or direction, so im sorry to waste your time! i just feel like my thoughts are floating endlessly around my head, which is just so irritating

what?! your boyfriend is attacking your character? does he do this often??

 

[90starve]

I wish that it was easier to leave this world, I understand feeling so tired of it all but anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

thankyou for your kind words, as always.

what?! your boyfriend is attacking your character? does he do this often??

yes, it has been like this ever since i opened up about being suicidal. he left me earlier today. although he leaves, and comes right back when he needs somewhere to stay again. it happens so often that, honestly, it doesn't even bother me anymore, and i just run with it!

i have blocked him this time though, so that may be the end of it all :)

 

[peelingbananas]

yes, it has been like this ever since i opened up about being suicidal. he left me earlier today. although he leaves, and comes right back when he needs somewhere to stay again. it happens so often that, honestly, it doesn't even bother me anymore, and i just run with it!

i have blocked him this time though, so that may be the end of it all :)

a leech like that will do nothing but drain you until you shake it off. some leeches are harder to get off than others, depending on how hard they're gripping to you. i'm glad you blocked him, don't let him back into your life. he doesn't deserve you or your energy. here's hoping him being gone will help you a lot!

 

[90starve]

a leech like that will do nothing but drain you until you shake it off. some leeches are harder to get off than others, depending on how hard they're gripping to you. i'm glad you blocked him, don't let him back into your life. he doesn't deserve you or your energy. here's hoping him being gone will help you a lot!

thankyou for your warm support <3
you're right, he is a leech. however, whether he comes or goes doesn't matter to me anymore - since i will soon be dead anyway! i know that i will be fine without him, just as i will be fine with him. i feel okay to just welcome whatever comes my way at this point :)

 

[peelingbananas]

thankyou for your warm support <3
you're right, he is a leech. however, whether he comes or goes doesn't matter to me anymore - since i will soon be dead anyway! i know that i will be fine without him, just as i will be fine with him. i feel okay to just welcome whatever comes my way at this point :)

i'm really sorry. i saw what you said about planning being your only hobby. what brought you to this point? unless that's too personal. plus it's sort of a big question, there could be many roots

 

[90starve]

i'm really sorry. i saw what you said about planning being your only hobby. what brought you to this point? unless that's too personal. plus it's sort of a big question, there could be many roots

i suppose my reason is a cocktail of depression and isolation. like a lot of members here, my seemingly single purpose in life is to exist as a cog. i live to work, and i work so that i can afford to live. i am to produce children, who will also become cogs. then i will be discarded once i become an obsolete cog. it doesn't sound like a life worth living!
thanks for asking <3

 

[Unattainable666]

my CO plans have inevitably come to a halt until i can afford to purchase a meter. im really itching to just pitch the tents and start testing them, but i can't because i'm broke!

planning my suicide truly is the only hobby i have left. that's so sad. it's such a sunny day today, but i'll stay inside anyway. im listening to my boyfriend completely attack my character right now. he thinks i'm pathetic.

this post doesn't really have any point or direction, so im sorry to waste your time! i just feel like my thoughts are floating endlessly around my head, which is just so irritating

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. CO is also my method I will not be using a meter they're too expensive - Ill be using two charcoal burners.

 

[90starve]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. CO is also my method I will not be using a meter they're too expensive - I'll be using two charcoal burners.

thankyou. yes, i have seen some of your CO threads! you surely can't go wrong with two burners - i will also be adding an extra grill to my method.

 

[Unattainable666]

thankyou. yes, i have seen some of your CO threads! you surely can't go wrong with two burners - i will also be adding an extra grill to my method.

I think we all deserve a peaceful exit. What with the shitty life, and all the drama I look forward to having final peace. I'll be going soon too. I wish you nothing but peace.

 

[90starve]

I think we all deserve a peaceful exit. What with the shitty life, and all the drama I look forward to having final peace. I'll be going soon too. I wish you nothing but peace.

i completely agree! it will be the ultimate reward. thankyou, wishing you the best with your CO plans <3

 

[peelingbananas]

i suppose my reason is a cocktail of depression and isolation. like a lot of members here, my seemingly single purpose in life is to exist as a cog. i live to work, and i work so that i can afford to live. i am to produce children, who will also become cogs. then i will be discarded once i become an obsolete cog. it doesn't sound like a life worth living!
thanks for asking <3

i understand. i also feared working. i saw it in a similar way. i'd be nothing but a piece helping a big machine function, i guess. but i was lucky enough to have a few plans for things i enjoy doing. it's mostly things related to creativity. music, writing, etc.
the way i see it, it's like a cave with two exits. there is a light at the end of the other one, but the rest of the cave is dark, and you'll need a torch to find it. some people come with a torch, and others have to find it along the way, through the darkness. i'm sorry for how things are looking.