Venting Giving up on connection

[lastappleonearth]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

It's alright, don't worry about connections. One of my ancestors used to socialise a lot. He had a very very big circle and he was so popular that when he died, it was published in the newspaper. In the last few years of his life, he realised that none of the people in his life deserved his time. He was very alone in his final years. He was so saintly that he donated a lot of money to a lot of people. But in the final years, none of them supported him. They were just taking advantage of him while he was in his good health. Now when he was ill and they had to take care of his health, they vanished from his life.

Sooooooo......
That's how selfish the world is. Don't worry about anyone, be selfish. Yes, help the needy or someone who deserves if you can. Otherwise no point of thinking of others.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel you so much. My existence is insane too and I'm extremely isolated (like an hermit). For example, the last time I had a meal with someone was last Xmas ! And just with my closest family... Social isolation is addictive, and I know I won't recover. But for some reason, my brain needs isolation. It has always been like this since my birth. I only feel safe with animals. Maybe because human being is extremely dangerous and perverse ?? And my brain tries to protect me from this toxic species ? Anyway I stopped trying to undertand my neurodivergent brain. I have a weird brain and I'm not the only one. Everyone is different so I guess it's okay.

 

[lastappleonearth]

It's alright, don't worry about connections. One of my ancestors used to socialise a lot. He had a very very big circle and he was so popular that when he died, it was published in the newspaper. In the last few years of his life, he realised that none of the people in his life deserved his time. He was very alone in his final years. He was so saintly that he donated a lot of money to a lot of people. But in the final years, none of them supported him. They were just taking advantage of him while he was in his good health. Now when he was ill and they had to take care of his health, they vanished from his life.

Sooooooo......
That's how selfish the world is. Don't worry about anyone, be selfish. Yes, help the needy or someone who deserves if you can. Otherwise no point of thinking of others.

Idk man, in the end we are social creatures and we all have a need for connection, even if we don't want to admit it. Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can literally drive you insane. Although it's difficult to escape the cycle of isolation, once you are in it and have been for a while. I wanted to be someone's first love, but I understand that this together with many other things won't happen. There's still a bit of hope left in me that things can still turn around, but in order for that to happen I'd need to change and I don't know how