Venting Giving up on connection

[lastappleonearth]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

It's alright, don't worry about connections. One of my ancestors used to socialise a lot. He had a very very big circle and he was so popular that when he died, it was published in the newspaper. In the last few years of his life, he realised that none of the people in his life deserved his time. He was very alone in his final years. He was so saintly that he donated a lot of money to a lot of people. But in the final years, none of them supported him. They were just taking advantage of him while he was in his good health. Now when he was ill and they had to take care of his health, they vanished from his life.

Sooooooo......
That's how selfish the world is. Don't worry about anyone, be selfish. Yes, help the needy or someone who deserves if you can. Otherwise no point of thinking of others.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel you so much. My existence is insane too and I'm extremely isolated (like an hermit). For example, the last time I had a meal with someone was last Xmas ! And just with my closest family... Social isolation is addictive, and I know I won't recover. But for some reason, my brain needs isolation. It has always been like this since my birth. I only feel safe with animals. Maybe because human being is extremely dangerous and perverse ?? And my brain tries to protect me from this toxic species ? Anyway I stopped trying to undertand my neurodivergent brain. I have a weird brain and I'm not the only one. Everyone is different so I guess it's okay.

 

[lastappleonearth]

It's alright, don't worry about connections. One of my ancestors used to socialise a lot. He had a very very big circle and he was so popular that when he died, it was published in the newspaper. In the last few years of his life, he realised that none of the people in his life deserved his time. He was very alone in his final years. He was so saintly that he donated a lot of money to a lot of people. But in the final years, none of them supported him. They were just taking advantage of him while he was in his good health. Now when he was ill and they had to take care of his health, they vanished from his life.

Sooooooo......
That's how selfish the world is. Don't worry about anyone, be selfish. Yes, help the needy or someone who deserves if you can. Otherwise no point of thinking of others.

Idk man, in the end we are social creatures and we all have a need for connection, even if we don't want to admit it. Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can literally drive you insane. Although it's difficult to escape the cycle of isolation, once you are in it and have been for a while. I wanted to be someone's first love, but I understand that this together with many other things won't happen. There's still a bit of hope left in me that things can still turn around, but in order for that to happen I'd need to change and I don't know how

 

[ctb_warrior]

Idk man, in the end we are social creatures and we all have a need for connection, even if we don't want to admit it. Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can literally drive you insane. Although it's difficult to escape the cycle of isolation, once you are in it and have been for a while. I wanted to be someone's first love, but I understand that this together with many other things won't happen. There's still a bit of hope left in me that things can still turn around, but in order for that to happen I'd need to change and I don't know how

As someone who has always had been in limelight in his life, I can give you certain pointers in this regard:
1. People are attracted when we are charismatic and energetic. Even though you may feel sad inside, act like a strong leader who's confident and positive about life.

=> People have been attracted to me all the time, 2 out of my 3 gfs approached me first and gave efforts and I was the first love of two of them and there were 3 other beautiful girls who proposed me in the past.
Interestingly, when ppl know that I'm a sad creature, then they run for their life they disappear like the rabbit in the magician's hat.

2. Never chase people. Let people chase you.
=> People have chased me literally. The moment I chased them and begged them to stay in my life, they disappeared.

3. Not everyone deserves to be connected emotionally.

=> Most people see being emotional as a weakness while that's what make us humans.
So, be emotional only with the ones who deserve. With the others, connect on surface level. No point in hurting yourself.

4. Do not keep any expectations from anyone. Just stay in your own world.

=> Expectations hurt and it's usually the people in our close circle that are able to hurt us. So just enjoy your life while you are here and be bold and confident. Your body language should exude a sense of certainty.

5. Make people laugh if you can.

=> The reason I get limelight in real life is not because I am talented, but because I stay positive on the surface. I smile even if i am sad.
I make people laugh too. Before lockdown, when we worked in office, i used to make everyone laugh, sometimes by casual jokes, or mimicry or sarcasm.

6. Last point but the most important= Love yourself first.

=> When you love yourself, you automatically exude that energy. You radiate with that energy and subconscious mind of others can read that. And that pulls them towards you.

PRO Hack=> you can use mirror neurons to your benefits. I leave that up to you to research how we can use mirror neurons for making connections.

Check this video out:


There's a book by Paul McKenna- instant influence and charisma and there's another one, making friends by Andrew matthews

These two books have everything you need to be successful at being a people magnet.

I wish you all the love and affection in life along with success and happiness

 

[zkk]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

Tbh...Connections are overrated, joining college made me realise this, I made a bunch of dumb choices trying to be more social and eventually, I made friends and even had a relationship, everything felt right for a moment. It didn't take long before my friend group and partner became devious which made me spiral for a while, trying to maintain these connections because I genuinely cared for each of these people. Four years down the line, I'm finally done with my studies and in turn, lost all of them. I haven't communicated with anyone outside my family in months and I know it's mostly my fault because I wanted to feel close to the friends around me at the time and ended up pushing away other people who genuinely showed care during this period. I feel it's too late to start over and I don't want whatever happened during this period to repeat so I opted to delete my socials and keep to my myself...At least this way, I can have some sense of peace.

 

[Baka]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

I keep trying. I'm grasping at straws, but nothing seems to really work. Every time a conversation goes slightly well, I think, "maybe I can be happy?" But then it never goes anywhere. I thought about a dating app, but I've also kinda let myself go... I rarely leave my house too. I hope the interaction with your relatives go well.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I keep trying. I'm grasping at straws, but nothing seems to really work. Every time a conversation goes slightly well, I think, "maybe I can be happy?" But then it never goes anywhere. I thought about a dating app, but I've also kinda let myself go... I rarely leave my house too. I hope the interaction with your relatives go well.

Thx, it'll be ok, I just don't like them very much. Honestly and this is just my personal opinion obviously, but I wouldn't use dating apps. I feel like the culture on there has become pretty toxic, but mby I'm wrong. It's great that you keep trying tho, it's not at all an easy thing to do

Tbh...Connections are overrated, joining college made me realise this, I made a bunch of dumb choices trying to be more social and eventually, I made friends and even had a relationship, everything felt right for a moment. It didn't take long before my friend group and partner became devious which made me spiral for a while, trying to maintain these connections because I genuinely cared for each of these people. Four years down the line, I'm finally done with my studies and in turn, lost all of them. I haven't communicated with anyone outside my family in months and I know it's mostly my fault because I wanted to feel close to the friends around me at the time and ended up pushing away other people who genuinely showed care during this period. I feel it's too late to start over and I don't want whatever happened during this period to repeat so I opted to delete my socials and keep to my myself...At least this way, I can have some sense of peace.

I kinda relate, I've also already tried to cling to people who didn't really care that much abt me, it hurts when that happens. But there are genuinely ppl out there who can care and want to care, we unfortunately just haven't found them yet. I unfortunately did the same thing, pushed away someone who rlly cared and entertained ppl who didn't give af abt me in the end. I also purged all my socials, I don't post anything anymore, just need to stop myself from looking at accounts of ppl I once knew.
Anyway, I hope everything gets better for you eventually

1. People are attracted when we are charismatic and energetic. Even though you may feel sad inside, act like a strong leader who's confident and positive about life.

I mean, mby that's true for most people. Tho I rlly don't want to fake anything, I want ppl to like me for who I am. And yeah I'm not that energetic and mby my vibes are too sad for most ppl idk, but mby there's someone similar somewhere out there who wouldn't mind. But yeah, there's prob some truth to having to love yourself first in order to be able to love someone else properly. In the end, I just don't know, but I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm just not

 

[noname223]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

There was a time I tried to cope with benzodiazepines and I regretted that because the withdrawal symptoms were a nightmare. Almost as bad as others described it. But on thing to add. Maybe you should search for a different benzo. I am not sure where you are getting the medication from. (From a psychiatrist?). But the feeling of xanax doesn't last long. It is among the most dangerous benzodiazepines when it comes to addiction. The effect of valium (diazepam) lasts longer. Or maybe lorazepam. Both of them are still very dangerous. But personally dazepam is the best choice for me when it comes to benzos. But I only use it for emergencies.

 

[lastappleonearth]

There was a time I tried to cope with benzodiazepines and I regretted that because the withdrawal symptoms were a nightmare. Almost as bad as others described it. But on thing to add. Maybe you should search for a different benzo. I am not sure where you are getting the medication from. (From a psychiatrist?). But the feeling of xanax doesn't last long. It is among the most dangerous benzodiazepines when it comes to addiction. The effect of valium (diazepam) lasts longer. Or maybe lorazepam. Both of them are still very dangerous. But personally dazepam is the best choice for me when it comes to benzos. But I only use it for emergencies.

True, the effects of Xanax don't exactly last super long, but long enough, well at least for me. Tho you might be right and mby other benzos are better suited for me. I'll have to wait until my appointment with a psychiatrist in December. Right now I get them from my general practitioner and that's not ideal, I guess I'm lucky that I get them at all. I know it's only a coping mechanism and not a solution, but it's relief and I need that sometimes. Tho today I actually stopped myself from taking them, so that's good

 

[notthatclever]

I gave up on social connections a long time ago.. every time I've ever tried it ends horribly.. people are fuckin insane.. and trust me I gave everybody plenty of chances.. it's just not worth it for me in the end.. social isolation isn't anything that drives me to ctb.. I'm fine with being alone for the most part. It doesn't bother me anymore. It used to but you eventually get used to and begin to prefer it. It suits me better anyways.. I have no desire for romantic relationships or friendships or being close to my family.. and honestly I don't think it would be good for me anyways even if wanted that.. they're not great people.. so I'm not missing out on much.. I'm trying to move and give everything one last go.. if it fucks up, I'm ending it.. im done.. I have my will in place so nobody gets anything from me when I die.. and no funeral or nothing.. I probably won't even let my lawyers tell my family when I die.. former friends any of it.. I have no desire to know or be close to anybody.. it's just stupid.. everybody is a crock of fake shit and it's all an agenda.. I get sick of all
The constant head games and constant lying and manipulations.. and I'm just over it.. people at work.. really is back off and leave me alone to do my job and find a life and mind your own damn business.. same for everybody else pretty much.. I really have no desire to know anybody anymore.. not in real life.. my current whatever keeps trying to get me to tell him I love him when he knows I don't.. keeps trying to get me to hug and kiss him and he knows I don't care.. I've been really honest about all of it.. I can't stand him or anything he's for or about.. I hate all his trashy friends and family., especially his exes.. can't stand anything about him.. he's like 6 months too late way too late to try and connect with me.. really wish he'd just worry about his work and his job and leave me alone.. and here recently he's taken on a more politically conservative religious flavor.. and that's just a hard pass.. no thanks.. I was already really uninterested and now any time I see him my interest in his stupid maga hick ass is DOA.. about as dead as my feelings are for being alive.. I mean I fucking hate him now.. I hate him.. like he really doesn't get that I fucking hate him.. sorry if anybody here is religious this isn't against you.. but this came out of nowhere recently for him.. and he can shove Jesus up his stupid ass..

The only people I feel like they half way understand me anymore are here.. and we're all up shit creek one way or the other in the head.. we're all barely hanging by a thread before we end it ourselves.. so yeah.. Jesus and over my dead body a trillion times before MAGA or anything to do with it are a solution for my problems..

But for all I've ever been able to tell.. more often than not.. especially for somebody like myself.. Jesus is not a solution.. most of the time he's the reason to begin with..

He's about as much of a solution him or God or the rest of it as a liquor bottle.. but at least you know the effects of the liquor bottle are real and tangible..

I feel connected to my cats. That's about it..

Everybody else can go fuck themselves..

They are literally the only reason why I'm still alive.. literally the only reason..

That is all any psych doc and the rest of it has to cling on to to save my life.. but since nobody cares about me.. not sure why they bother themselves..

I know I sure as fuck ever since everybody said that to me at the same time at one of my lowest points.. second times that's happened in my life btw..

When I did nothing to them.. not really.. I know for damn sure not a single human is ever holding me back about any of it.. I only love my cats I don't love other people anymore really.. there's no point in any of that.. humanity is dead for where I'm concerned.. I relate and shit sometimes and the rest like any normal person I guess but I don't care about other humans..


I do not stay alive for people.. nobody matters anymore..

They forgot about that part where I don't care back.. my not Caring back is far worse than their not Caring..

Mine comes with a far more serious consequence attached..

And oh you can not believe the trash this current assholes family and exes and friends are.. I mean mind blowing boggling evil trash..

His exes are a whole other league of stupid worthless idiot trash..

Vile ugly petty awful insane trash.. and what's worse that's what this country rewards because America is trash..

He isn't much better.. his mom is dead thank god.. I mean thank god that evil bitch is dead.. thank gooood.. but wow is that bitch a piece of insane work..

Like he does not get everything he tells me makes me hate him more..

He's hard working.. I'll give him that..

But so am I.. that's how corrupt and stupid and trash where I live is. I can't even get a job doing next to nothing to what I really do..

The people here are some extra level of idiot.. and what's worse is they're the type of complete moron trash idiot that thinks they're smart and they aren't..

Anyways.. I move or I end it real fast and I'm done with his stupid ass.. I wish he'd get that already and stop fucking around..


Like I'm done.. I hate everything about him just about,. He's been a fucking nightmare terror of an idiot piece of insane trash..

I really hate him..

Spider drop a single tear I don't think of I found he died in some car wreck or something.. I don't care.. he's awful to me..

Always has been:.

He's just a fuckng idiot..

Then again everybody In this shit hole place is..

It's too late to prove anything to me now.. I don't care. And they don't get that.. I don't fucking care..

My god what does it take to make them fuck off..

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I feel you. Wish I could offer any advice, but I got none of that, only my sympathy. But I guess being alone and lonely is still better being around wrong people, like we could be so much worse. I spent the last weekends socializing with new people, and I was so miserable. I was disassociating the whole time they talked to me lmao and that's the best I could do. I was also browsing SaSu alot during break too. I know I should make an effort or whatever, but I just feel so empty inside.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I feel you. Wish I could offer any advice, but I got none of that, only my sympathy. But I guess being alone and lonely is still better being around wrong people, like we could be so much worse. I spent the last weekends socializing with new people, and I was so miserable. I was disassociating the whole time they talked to me lmao and that's the best I could do. I was also browsing SaSu alot during break too. I know I should make an effort or whatever, but I just feel so empty inside.

That's true for sure, being around the wrong people is probably even worse, though I don't even really remember how that was like. It's just so difficult to find the right people, well not for everyone, but for us I guess. I hope you can find people, around whom you don't need to dissociate

 

[NonEssential]

I understand your pain, I've been over a decade with only having online friends.
I've been to a trade school for over a year and I barely if ever interact with anyone, I just don't have the guts for it.
I've managed to numb the need for connection so it's not the main reason I want to die but it doesn't really help with my self worth.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I understand your pain, I've been over a decade with only having online friends.
I've been to a trade school for over a year and I barely if ever interact with anyone, I just don't have the guts for it.
I've managed to numb the need for connection so it's not the main reason I want to die but it doesn't really help with my self worth.

I mean, online friends are better than no connection at all. I've like one or two people, with whom I keep in touch with online, but it's nothing substantial you know. I crave real attention and affection, but I don't have hope anymore for ever attaining that. I which you all the best, may connection find you

 

[iguazo falls]

As someone who has always had been in limelight in his life, I can give you certain pointers in this regard:
1. People are attracted when we are charismatic and energetic. Even though you may feel sad inside, act like a strong leader who's confident and positive about life.

=> People have been attracted to me all the time, 2 out of my 3 gfs approached me first and gave efforts and I was the first love of two of them and there were 3 other beautiful girls who proposed me in the past.
Interestingly, when ppl know that I'm a sad creature, then they run for their life they disappear like the rabbit in the magician's hat.

2. Never chase people. Let people chase you.
=> People have chased me literally. The moment I chased them and begged them to stay in my life, they disappeared.

3. Not everyone deserves to be connected emotionally.

=> Most people see being emotional as a weakness while that's what make us humans.
So, be emotional only with the ones who deserve. With the others, connect on surface level. No point in hurting yourself.

4. Do not keep any expectations from anyone. Just stay in your own world.

=> Expectations hurt and it's usually the people in our close circle that are able to hurt us. So just enjoy your life while you are here and be bold and confident. Your body language should exude a sense of certainty.

5. Make people laugh if you can.

=> The reason I get limelight in real life is not because I am talented, but because I stay positive on the surface. I smile even if i am sad.
I make people laugh too. Before lockdown, when we worked in office, i used to make everyone laugh, sometimes by casual jokes, or mimicry or sarcasm.

6. Last point but the most important= Love yourself first.

=> When you love yourself, you automatically exude that energy. You radiate with that energy and subconscious mind of others can read that. And that pulls them towards you.

PRO Hack=> you can use mirror neurons to your benefits. I leave that up to you to research how we can use mirror neurons for making connections.

Check this video out:


There's a book by Paul McKenna- instant influence and charisma and there's another one, making friends by Andrew matthews

These two books have everything you need to be successful at being a people magnet.

I wish you all the love and affection in life along with success and happiness

hey i just wanted to say thank you for the resources, ive been watching the youtube channel and theres some interesting stuff that made me feel a bit less negative. and i guess its nice to have potential solutions to problems.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I gave up on social connections a long time ago.. every time I've ever tried it ends horribly.. people are fuckin insane.. and trust me I gave everybody plenty of chances.. it's just not worth it for me in the end.. social isolation isn't anything that drives me to ctb.. I'm fine with being alone for the most part. It doesn't bother me anymore. It used to but you eventually get used to and begin to prefer it. It suits me better anyways.. I have no desire for romantic relationships or friendships or being close to my family.. and honestly I don't think it would be good for me anyways even if wanted that.. they're not great people.. so I'm not missing out on much.. I'm trying to move and give everything one last go.. if it fucks up, I'm ending it.. im done.. I have my will in place so nobody gets anything from me when I die.. and no funeral or nothing.. I probably won't even let my lawyers tell my family when I die.. former friends any of it.. I have no desire to know or be close to anybody.. it's just stupid.. everybody is a crock of fake shit and it's all an agenda.. I get sick of all
The constant head games and constant lying and manipulations.. and I'm just over it.. people at work.. really is back off and leave me alone to do my job and find a life and mind your own damn business.. same for everybody else pretty much.. I really have no desire to know anybody anymore.. not in real life.. my current whatever keeps trying to get me to tell him I love him when he knows I don't.. keeps trying to get me to hug and kiss him and he knows I don't care.. I've been really honest about all of it.. I can't stand him or anything he's for or about.. I hate all his trashy friends and family., especially his exes.. can't stand anything about him.. he's like 6 months too late way too late to try and connect with me.. really wish he'd just worry about his work and his job and leave me alone.. and here recently he's taken on a more politically conservative religious flavor.. and that's just a hard pass.. no thanks.. I was already really uninterested and now any time I see him my interest in his stupid maga hick ass is DOA.. about as dead as my feelings are for being alive.. I mean I fucking hate him now.. I hate him.. like he really doesn't get that I fucking hate him.. sorry if anybody here is religious this isn't against you.. but this came out of nowhere recently for him.. and he can shove Jesus up his stupid ass..

The only people I feel like they half way understand me anymore are here.. and we're all up shit creek one way or the other in the head.. we're all barely hanging by a thread before we end it ourselves.. so yeah.. Jesus and over my dead body a trillion times before MAGA or anything to do with it are a solution for my problems..

But for all I've ever been able to tell.. more often than not.. especially for somebody like myself.. Jesus is not a solution.. most of the time he's the reason to begin with..

He's about as much of a solution him or God or the rest of it as a liquor bottle.. but at least you know the effects of the liquor bottle are real and tangible..

I feel connected to my cats. That's about it..

Everybody else can go fuck themselves..

They are literally the only reason why I'm still alive.. literally the only reason..

That is all any psych doc and the rest of it has to cling on to to save my life.. but since nobody cares about me.. not sure why they bother themselves..

I know I sure as fuck ever since everybody said that to me at the same time at one of my lowest points.. second times that's happened in my life btw..

When I did nothing to them.. not really.. I know for damn sure not a single human is ever holding me back about any of it.. I only love my cats I don't love other people anymore really.. there's no point in any of that.. humanity is dead for where I'm concerned.. I relate and shit sometimes and the rest like any normal person I guess but I don't care about other humans..


I do not stay alive for people.. nobody matters anymore..

They forgot about that part where I don't care back.. my not Caring back is far worse than their not Caring..

Mine comes with a far more serious consequence attached..

And oh you can not believe the trash this current assholes family and exes and friends are.. I mean mind blowing boggling evil trash..

His exes are a whole other league of stupid worthless idiot trash..

Vile ugly petty awful insane trash.. and what's worse that's what this country rewards because America is trash..

He isn't much better.. his mom is dead thank god.. I mean thank god that evil bitch is dead.. thank gooood.. but wow is that bitch a piece of insane work..

Like he does not get everything he tells me makes me hate him more..

He's hard working.. I'll give him that..

But so am I.. that's how corrupt and stupid and trash where I live is. I can't even get a job doing next to nothing to what I really do..

The people here are some extra level of idiot.. and what's worse is they're the type of complete moron trash idiot that thinks they're smart and they aren't..

Anyways.. I move or I end it real fast and I'm done with his stupid ass.. I wish he'd get that already and stop fucking around..


Like I'm done.. I hate everything about him just about,. He's been a fucking nightmare terror of an idiot piece of insane trash..

I really hate him..

Spider drop a single tear I don't think of I found he died in some car wreck or something.. I don't care.. he's awful to me..

Always has been:.

He's just a fuckng idiot..

Then again everybody In this shit hole place is..

It's too late to prove anything to me now.. I don't care. And they don't get that.. I don't fucking care..

My god what does it take to make them fuck off..

I respect your art of swearing, usually swearing in English is kinda boring, but not in this instance. Idk, I also often wish that everyone would just fuck off, but that doesn't happen obviously. I mean, I do still yearn for connection, but yeah, in some way I've already given up and I know that's not a good thing, I shouldn't give up. You said that you're letting it all go and giving it another try. I hope it works out for you, wishing you the best

 

[ctb_warrior]

hey i just wanted to say thank you for the resources, ive been watching the youtube channel and theres some interesting stuff that made me feel a bit less negative. and i guess its nice to have potential solutions to problems.

It's my pleasure dear
I'm happy that it helped you feel a bit less negative
I wish you all the love, good luck and positivity.
Also, if you would like to explore more aa, search my articles, telecult power, telepathic mind control, miracle mindset, 7 day transformation reset.

 

[notthatclever]

I respect your art of swearing, usually swearing in English is kinda boring, but not in this instance. Idk, I also often wish that everyone would just fuck off, but that doesn't happen obviously. I mean, I do still yearn for connection, but yeah, in some way I've already given up and I know that's not a good thing, I shouldn't give up. You said that you're letting it all go and giving it another try. I hope it works out for you, wishing you the best

lol, thank you.. I try not to cuss so much but I've been very first rated lately. Anyways thanks! I just got my ticket out today! Giving it all one last chance. I don't mind hard exactly I just mind things not working.. and if it doesn't work out I'll end it.. I'm going somewhere where I think things may work out better for me.. I won't be stuck in deep conservative Jesus politics land.. I've been trying to get out of this relationship for a whole.. but between not being able to find a job and the crushing weight of his machismo life.. it's been impossible.. he is one meathead dumbass.. It was a really bad relationship and he played himself off one way before and is playing himself another way now.. he's a two faced fucktwit.. and trust me this part of America.. people don't care about helping women out to make sure they can get out.. they support the scum bag dudes no matter what.. too late for them to make right with me now.. I've been warning him forever and he wasn't listening.. but hell no I don't got time for a place that messed around with my life this hard and for what.. but thank you for the well wishes.. I'll need the luck.. never had much luck but I sure could use some now.. I'm hoping to hit the ground running and get back to work like pretty much as soon as I get there.. he clearly doesn't know me because once my mind is set to leave.. unless you change.. I'm leaving.. there surely has to be a place where there isn't so much crazy..

 

[lastappleonearth]

lol, thank you.. I try not to cuss so much but I've been very first rated lately. Anyways thanks! I just got my ticket out today! Giving it all one last chance. I don't mind hard exactly I just mind things not working.. and if it doesn't work out I'll end it.. I'm going somewhere where I think things may work out better for me.. I won't be stuck in deep conservative Jesus politics land.. I've been trying to get out of this relationship for a whole.. but between not being able to find a job and the crushing weight of his machismo life.. it's been impossible.. he is one meathead dumbass.. It was a really bad relationship and he played himself off one way before and is playing himself another way now.. he's a two faced fucktwit.. and trust me this part of America.. people don't care about helping women out to make sure they can get out.. they support the scum bag dudes no matter what.. too late for them to make right with me now.. I've been warning him forever and he wasn't listening.. but hell no I don't got time for a place that messed around with my life this hard and for what.. but thank you for the well wishes.. I'll need the luck.. never had much luck but I sure could use some now.. I'm hoping to hit the ground running and get back to work like pretty much as soon as I get there.. he clearly doesn't know me because once my mind is set to leave.. unless you change.. I'm leaving.. there surely has to be a place where there isn't so much crazy..

I mean it's understandable imo that you have a need to cuss given the circumstances. I actually don't mind cussing, I'm quite used to it, people around me do it a lot.
Anyways I think you can be quite proud of yourself for getting out of that relationship and doing what's best for you. I wish you the best and hope it all works out, you deserve it

 

[komakun]

yes lol. I completely cut off all friends over a year ago and anytime I tried interacting with one again it would always go south so I stopped bothering. I do prefer to be alone but still want to do stuff and post things online related to my interests/hobbies and maybe find community with similar ppl.

It's just been so long I truly gave up ever making friends even online. And when I observe how other people interact with each other (irl and online) it really seems so fake… but maybe it's because I've never had super close friendships

idk I also used to be cute but idk if I'm just super ugly now, cuz men don't approach me and I'm too self conscious to post photos on dating apps or open up about myself to new ppl. so I stopped seeking that out. My last ex ended up hating me by the end and made me feel so ugly and old and loserish and called me annoying many times so that didn't help lol

even online i feel so annoying and out of place no matter what i do. Whether im genuine or if i try adjusting to fit the tone of others. I've been commenting a lot so I worry I've already annoyed ppl on here. It's funny cuz this is probably the one place I should fit in but I am just insufferable everywhere. Even though im being annoying i still want to share my thoughts sometimes. And im at the point of always expecting to be disliked/ignored so i just comment anyway.

 

[HNR_]

That's exactly why I don't exactly bother to get new friends
I was always the kind of guy to only have a few in the first place anyway so I guess that makes things easier to when I'll CTB

Hell, most of them are more like long term acquaintances so I know they won't suffer from it one bit, only a friend of mine will and a couple of other folks might
It's funny, almost feels like karma in a way

 

[lastappleonearth]

even online i feel so annoying and out of place no matter what i do. Whether im genuine or if i try adjusting to fit the tone of others. I've been commenting a lot so I worry I've already annoyed ppl on here. It's funny cuz this is probably the one place I should fit in but I am just insufferable everywhere. Even though im being annoying i still want to share my thoughts sometimes. And im at the point of always expecting to be disliked/ignored so i just comment anyway.

Yeah I feel the same way, I just can't seem to fit in I guess. Recently (well, a couple of months ago) a person I really cared for told me that I don't fit into their world and it really hurt me. She later said she didn't mean it, but idk, well doesn't matter now, she also left. For me making friends or just connections in general after high school has been super difficult and basically unsuccessful. I get that everyone has their own struggles and everyone is busy in some way, but I just want sb to care about, cus I'm able to care if given the chance.
Well anyways, I've not seen many of your comments I think, but to me you're not insufferable at all. You know, sometimes we tell ourselves these things and we end up believing them, but it doesn't mean that they're actually true. And also, if anything this is a pretty decent place to share one's thoughts in my limited experience

 

[coralreefer]

This kind of reminds me of our convo earlier. I feel the same as you, but personally I don't want my final time on earth to be miserable so I'm trying to accept that part of my life. I hate being alone, I really do, but there's a lot that I can do while being alone that I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.

I definitely feel more free now that I don't have any actual meaningful relationships (I have some friends but none of them are close friends and me and my parents have always had a distant relationship), because I know that no one cares what I do. I go on trips alone, I go to the gym regularly and I can buy whatever I want without judgement.

I also have a passion for writing that I've been getting back into. I used to be able to write for hours on end, but when there was more people in my life I kinda pushed it to the side.
I also don't feel as much guilt over ctb anymore, which is SO nice. I genuinely would feel guilty all the time about it because I felt like I was leaving people behind, but I feel freed of that responsibility now.

I understand how hard it feels and it really does suck not having anyone to really properly talk to, but I'm trying to accept my life as it is so I don't feel shitty about it all the time. I have definitely given up on connecting with people, but like in a good way.

SaSu has also helped me, since I know now it's not just my life that's like this and I really feel understood and heard here, thank you everyone for that

Idk man, in the end we are social creatures and we all have a need for connection, even if we don't want to admit it. Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can literally drive you insane. Although it's difficult to escape the cycle of isolation, once you are in it and have been for a while. I wanted to be someone's first love, but I understand that this together with many other things won't happen. There's still a bit of hope left in me that things can still turn around, but in order for that to happen I'd need to change and I don't know how

I completely get this. Longing for something that I know I can't have sucks so bad.

 

[lastappleonearth]

This kind of reminds me of our convo earlier. I feel the same as you, but personally I don't want my final time on earth to be miserable so I'm trying to accept that part of my life. I hate being alone, I really do, but there's a lot that I can do while being alone that I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.

I definitely feel more free now that I don't have any actual meaningful relationships (I have some friends but none of them are close friends and me and my parents have always had a distant relationship), because I know that no one cares what I do. I go on trips alone, I go to the gym regularly and I can buy whatever I want without judgement.

I also have a passion for writing that I've been getting back into. I used to be able to write for hours on end, but when there was more people in my life I kinda pushed it to the side.
I also don't feel as much guilt over ctb anymore, which is SO nice. I genuinely would feel guilty all the time about it because I felt like I was leaving people behind, but I feel freed of that responsibility now.

I understand how hard it feels and it really does suck not having anyone to really properly talk to, but I'm trying to accept my life as it is so I don't feel shitty about it all the time. I have definitely given up on connecting with people, but like in a good way.

SaSu has also helped me, since I know now it's not just my life that's like this and I really feel understood and heard here, thank you everyone for that

I completely get this. Longing for something that I know I can't have sucks so bad.

Yeah I have a hard time accepting it bcs I feel like accepting it means that I've given up. Tough yeah I agree this rlly shouldn't stop you from doing stuff you enjoy alone, like going on trips etc. I'm prob gonna go on a solo trip to china in October. Obviously I'd love to not go alone, but if I have to, then I will. But yeah it just sucks, I just want companionship or even just friends, just someone you know. But it's great that you have passions and enjoy doing things alone, I'm also trying to do this, but it's still difficult. Well I wish you all the best and hope you get to enjoy all your trips

 

[coralreefer]

Yeah I have a hard time accepting it bcs I feel like accepting it means that I've given up. Tough yeah I agree this rlly shouldn't stop you from doing stuff you enjoy alone, like going on trips etc. I'm prob gonna go on a solo trip to china in October. Obviously I'd love to not go alone, but if I have to, then I will. But yeah it just sucks, I just want companionship or even just friends, just someone you know. But it's great that you have passions and enjoy doing things alone, I'm also trying to do this, but it's still difficult. Well I wish you all the best and hope you get to enjoy all your trips

I think it's because I've spent majority of my life alone that it's been easier for me to accept it. It sounds like you've had friends and close relationships in your life in a way I never had, so of course it's gonna be more difficult for you to accept such a thing. Can't miss what you've never had

I think there is hope for you to get companionship and be loved in this life, but constantly I suppose waiting for it will only make you feel worse. I wish the best for you as well

 

[lastappleonearth]

I think it's because I've spent majority of my life alone that it's been easier for me to accept it. It sounds like you've had friends and close relationships in your life in a way I never had, so of course it's gonna be more difficult for you to accept such a thing. Can't miss what you've never had

I think there is hope for you to get companionship and be loved in this life, but constantly I suppose waiting for it will only make you feel worse. I wish the best for you as well

That's true, you can't miss sth you never had and I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I wish like I never had anything like that, because now I just miss all these people and it's painful. I just wish I could go on a trip with someone

 

[coralreefer]

That's true, you can't miss sth you never had and I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I wish like I never had anything like that, because now I just miss all these people and it's painful. I just wish I could go on a trip with someone

Nah it doesn't sound bad, you're only human after all. I would also like to travel with someone else, but alas.