Venting Feeling a bit better

[No-name]

The woman I love might be into me, have to wait and see. Because of psychosis relationships and being in love is too intense for her. Thats why she suddenly dissapeared. With my whole family dead I told her its very intens for me to suddenly ghost me and she understood.
i told her I a leaving the whole pace of friends/ relationship up to her. We are going to try and do it calm the coming months and she is open to friendship and possible relationship if everything stays calm and relaxt.

Also I have been struggeling with bad focus and just feeling like a mop for years, now I am on Ritalin and suddenly I am concertrated and very social. It makes me feel les handicapt and hopefull

I have some scars on my body from acne as teens and going to a dermatographist to make it skin colour, I quite smoking after starting when suicidal. Besides going for a new job I feel a rebound from being acute suicidal for two months. My BDD is under control and feeling more confident.

I am half Irish and sometimes I feel so much strength. As if I can lift the whole universe and this whole life thing is a test of strenght. I am not giving up yet, I want to see robots walk the earth. Meet new people. I want a true love I can write an poem to. And I will create some kind of art, show my fellow humans and nephews what strength is like my father did for me. And help people as a social worker. I' ll be the antithesis of this boring time together with my fellow humans. I' ll be the antithesis of death and giving up. We' ll all have to show eachother how it is to be human again. And I will show them how far I can get in this crazy life thing.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you have built a bit of positive momentum. This can be useful particularly if you hit a bump or two on your road.

 

[No-name]

It sounds like you have built a bit of positive momentum. This can be useful particularly if you hit a bump or two on your road.

Yes good insight. The bumps did follow. But I have the energy to step on anyway. Friends not feeling the need they have to answer WA after we where goign to meet up.
I had this woman years ago Who didnt show up and went to the beach instead.

In the light of just losing your parent and a sibling that takes on a different meaning. That woman I blocked out of my life. This kind of loss they wont understand, my best friend does. My family did. Its called respect and empathy.