zhaim
Member
- Aug 10, 2026
- 7
i've suffered from porn addiction for pretty much as long as i can remember. but after recently losing the person who meant the whole world to me because of it, i've quit porn and masturbation altogether. I'm only about a week or two into it, so I haven't made that much progress, but recently I found that I hadn't really had the urge to masturbate or even look at porn. I think about her and think about how disgusted she would be with me. and i think "what's even the point. it won't help me, so i shouldn't do it." even though it's only been a short amount of time, I'm still a little bit proud of how far I've come, since I used to be completely unable to stop my urges. But I've currently got a lot of work on my plate, and while doing some of it earlier, I felt a lot of stress and the urges to start masturbating began flooding my mind. I even looked up some porn and was on the verge of starting a goon session to ease my mind, but while going through my computer and messages, I found a picture of me and her together and the for the most part, the urge went away. I guess I wouldn't say I relapsed (?), but I was pretty damn close. I just miss her so much, and I wish she knew that I'm truly to trying to change. But I understand that in order to grow I can't do it just for her to see me grow and that I've gotta let go. I feel so much shame and guilt that I didn't change while I was with her or even before that, but all I can do now is work on myself and get rid of the disgusting, porn-addiction ingrained into my brain. Even though I have to accept that I'll never be a part of her life again, I'll continue being grateful that she was ever a part of mine.
