I struggle with what happens when I die a lot and it holds me back... no one knows and I don't have a firm set of beliefs so I worry. If anything is possible, then perhaps taking my life with the method available to me would cause an effect in my after-life? Perhaps heaven and hell are true? Maybe karma is true and the impacts on others if I CTB would give me negative karma or affect the next life? I personally would put money that we simply cease to exist- like someone else said- like when you are put under general anesthesia. Thats not scary. But still.... who knows.... when I get into the suicidal trance, it gets much easier to approach following through bc I am just not worried anymore. So far, whenever I have gotten close like that, I have still had a little hope and I back down. I wish there was a way to come to terms with my fear of death. I mean, I have that fear no matter what.