Why do i wanna die

[sparkljumpropequeen]

Okay so pls don't tell me there is no use for this thread i just need to talk about it and i can't with anyone else. I've been extremely suicidal for multiple years although i have no idea why. I have a big group of friends, im in law school, never been bullied and i could go on. I dont want to flex all of that but im just so confused on why suicidal thoughts chose to hit me? I also got really drunk like a week ago and told my mom i wanted to die and she told my if i take my life she will too. Now i feel like if i commit im killing her as well. Also a fucked up thing to tell your child. Is anyone going through the same? i was so close to finally doing it and then she told me that