Fear of death

[weishenme]

I've been thinking about ctb since a long time ago, I think it has been 2 or 1 year, before that was just u know thoughts about it, but like not constant.

And after that it was like most of the time I was really angry with everything and everyone. I just don't know why I say this, cs I already bought the sn and it will arrive like in four weeks, and I just can't stop thinking of just living my live, but I don't want to and i want to at the same time, sorry if it's confusing.

But I just think that death is becoming more real, cs once I attempted with a bag in my head, but it didn't really felt like it u know, cause at any time i could just take off the bag with enough force.

But now it will feel real cs there's no coming back after that, after I take all the things.

I think that I don't of what I'm more scared of live or death.


Because I know if I keep living I will me miserable, cs im not smart, I'm ugly, im a bad person and all that.

But death feels way too real, idk how to explain it.

 

[SweetChariot]

I feel you, my mind is constantly flipping between relieve that death can be an option and the fear that it'll be the end, it's just agony i wish i can just feel happiness again

 

[PerfectVictory]

I feel similarly, at the same time I feel that if my only issue was that I mentally felt bad I would continue to try find a solution to that. The issue is that I also have physical ailments that I don't think are fixable.

 

[Butterfly-death]

Sometimes I think deeply about it and feel dread about death. Afraid of the unknown. It's just so final too. But I also fear living as well and I think I fear continuing to live more than I do death