Father's Day is coming, do you still have your dad?

[SadGirl]

My father passed away a year ago. He had Parkinson's disease for the last few years, and then he died of cardiac arrest. We were getting along well; we never had a very close father-daughter relationship, but that was his way. And he loved me just as I still do. I miss him terribly. I still don't know how to deal with the grief. I can't even go to his grave. I've been there about three times at most. I really don't know what to feel. Just thinking about it gives me a tightness in my chest, my eyes fill with tears, and a horrible pain and anguish in my chest.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm sorry for your loss I still have my parents. Hugs to you

 

[Sweet Tart]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few years after I lost my dad were extremely hard, especially around the anniversary of his passing. He was also sick for a few years prior.

I just want to note that grief can be a long process & very different from person to person. The pain you're experiencing is a natural part of it, & will decrease with time, but you still deserve relief. Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar was helpful for me. Also, I found comfort in watching movies that my dad & I loved, or cooking food that made me think of him. It was helpful to talk to my family about him. It'll probably be different things for you. His love and memories will always be with you.

 

[bankai]

It's nice that you have such fond memories of your father. Although I'm sure they're bittersweet. My father wasn't a good man. I still tried reaching out to him at the end, but he wouldn't reciprocate.

He passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I visited his grave twice, but not really with much emotion but just with a sense of duty or responsibility.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm sorry for your loss. Parkinson's runs in my family -- on my dad's side. His passing was brutal, in that respect. But I hadn't seen him in 30 years and the last time I did see him he was not kind. Which was typical. So, it was kinda just another day when I found out. Typed up a disclaimer stating I had no interest in, or claim to, his estate, filed it with the district court, and called it a day.

 

[SadGirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few years after I lost my dad were extremely hard, especially around the anniversary of his passing. He was also sick for a few years prior.

I just want to note that grief can be a long process & very different from person to person. The pain you're experiencing is a natural part of it, & will decrease with time, but you still deserve relief. Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar was helpful for me. Also, I found comfort in watching movies that my dad & I loved, or cooking food that made me think of him. It was helpful to talk to my family about him. It'll probably be different things for you. His love and memories will always be with you.

I don't have much family support, only my mother sometimes, and I'm an only child. It's horrible to feel alone with all this pain.

It's nice that you have such fond memories of your father. Although I'm sure they're bittersweet. My father wasn't a good man. I still tried reaching out to him at the end, but he wouldn't reciprocate.

He passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I visited his grave twice, but not really with much emotion but just with a sense of duty or responsibility.

When I was 18 and in my early 20s, my father and I fought a lot, but as I said, he became ill and then I started to be more understanding with him, my father was my anchor.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

No. Lost him to an overdose and I regret the last conversation we had together. I wasn't in the right place, nor was he. The only way we can have a steady connection now is if I ever get my hands on his ashes.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

My deepest condolences.

My father abandoned me when I was born, and was soon replaced by a negligent step-father when I was four years old.

 

[SadGirl]

My deepest condolences.

My father abandoned me when I was born, and was soon replaced by a negligent step-father when I was four years old.

I'm sorry about that too, friend. A big hug.

 

[Redacted24]

Mine died years ago, and my time is coming soon (I'm old!). He was an alcoholic and had dementia in his later years.

But I picture him somewhere with a beer on the rail, cigarette in his mouth, lining up a shot on the bar's pool table.

On the other hand, my teenage daughter and I had a great relationship... until we didn't.

Reading your post from a dad perspective, if after I'm gone my girl has the same feelings about me that you do about your dad, I'll be in the afterlife feeling contented and happy, and would want to tell you that it's okay. It's going to be okay. Remember me in better times, and don't grieve too much because I'm where I'm supposed to be.

And sometimes, don't be afraid or sad if something brings back a memory of our time together.

It's okay.

 

[SadGirl]

Mine died years ago, and my time is coming soon (I'm old!). He was an alcoholic and had dementia in his later years.

But I picture him somewhere with a beer on the rail, cigarette in his mouth, lining up a shot on the bar's pool table.

On the other hand, my teenage daughter and I had a great relationship... until we didn't.

Reading your post from a dad perspective, if after I'm gone my girl has the same feelings about me that you do about your dad, I'll be in the afterlife feeling contented and happy, and would want to tell you that it's okay. It's going to be okay. Remember me in better times, and don't grieve too much because I'm where I'm supposed to be.

And sometimes, don't be afraid or sad if something brings back a memory of our time together.

It's okay.

Are you sure you're going to CTB? I don't want this to happen, but there's a chance your daughter won't forgive you for committing suicide. But if it were me, I'd understand, and for me, there's nothing to forgive, you know? The choice is up to the person, but at the same time, I think there are people we can't leave here. Like me and my mother now. But I hope you get well too; I will remember you. Your daughter seems lucky to have a father like you.

 

[whywere]

Both my "parents" are long gone.

When they died it was in their wills that I was NOT welcomed and was NOT supposed to show up for either their wakes or funerals.

I got kicked out in 1974, my "dad" died in 2015, and my "mom" died in 2018, and both times I stayed away, as what was dictated in both of their wills. I honored their requests as it would have been ugly if I went and would have been told to get out.

Walter

 

[notthistime]

My dad passed in 2019, right before covid started. He had heart failure and had had heart issues (2 heart attacks/by-pass/stints/etc. etc.)…I'm sorry for your loss. It is tough to see them sick.

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry for your loss
my father was an asshole and a pathetic loser
he died from the effects of tobacco smoking in 1996

 

[k1w1]

Youre good, happens to us all when we make 50. I have had four fathers, my mother was optimistic, but, it left me as the brunt of an Arab insult : "You are the son of a thousand fathers" , it means, well, my mother if you know what I mean.

 

[breathingblues]

Me neither. He was the only one who ever loved me.

 

[Trazyn]

I never had a father. I had a man who contributed to my birth and then abandoned me and my sister to deal with our abusive mother. Both my sister and I came out of it with multiple mental illnesses which have made life a constant struggle. Both of us are barely surviving and that pathetic excuse for a human is still nowhere to be seen, even though the monster he left us with died 20 years ago. He found a new family and put all his time into them. Retired early and has spent the last 35 years living off his pensions with his new wife with no financial worries or stress. Meanwhile I'm struggling alone, with nobody to help, barely getting any support from health services and dragging myself into work every day despite waking up wanting to end things. I'm trying to recover but every day it becomes clearer that I can't do it alone. My sister is doing a bit better than me at least, she has a husband and in-laws that care for her.

My dad's not dead yet, but I hope when his time comes it's painful and drawn out. It's the least he deserves for all the lives he's ruined with his cowardice.

 

[suicidal_tendencies]

My father hanged himself when I was 6. So there isn't much memory left of him, and not much to be sad about.

 

[Spite]

I don't have a father. Well, he's still alive, but I am permanently estranged from him. My father is a horrible human being. I hate my father more than anyone else in the whole world.

 

[fishygirl]

this post is how i remembered father's day exists....

my biological father actually died february of this year. i never met him. my mother took me and left him and my birth country when i was 10 months old. long story short, he never wanted to visit me in america because of legal limitations to the drug he's addicted to... and his animosity with my mother.

besides that, my mother and i couldnt afford to travel to another country. and even after my father eventually said he'd pay for my plane ticket there, i refused to go without my mom.

it hurts a bit wondering what it could have been like if i just went by myself to visit him. but at the same time, im thankful i can dream about what kind of dad i couldve had, instead of meeting a dissapointing reality...

i did have a step father as well- he was fun, but emotionally distant. i was never really his kid and he treated me as such. he eventually divorced my mother. he keeps in contact with my brother but not me. really stings when my brother gets gifts from him, but not even a "happy holidays" to me.

tldr: i have no father

 

[whywere]

this post is how i remembered father's day exists....

my biological father actually died february of this year. i never met him. my mother took me and left him and my birth country when i was 10 months old. long story short, he never wanted to visit me in america because of legal limitations to the drug he's addicted to... and his animosity with my mother.

besides that, my mother and i couldnt afford to travel to another country. and even after my father eventually said he'd pay for my plane ticket there, i refused to go without my mom.

it hurts a bit wondering what it could have been like if i just went by myself to visit him. but at the same time, im thankful i can dream about what kind of dad i couldve had, instead of meeting a dissapointing reality...

i did have a step father as well- he was fun, but emotionally distant. i was never really his kid and he treated me as such. he eventually divorced my mother. he keeps in contact with my brother but not me. really stings when my brother gets gifts from him, but not even a "happy holidays" to me.

tldr: i have no father

My heart REALLY goes out to you, as I know all too well about siblings getting gifts and you and me both getting zero.

When my older brother and my younger sister turned 18, they both got new cars. The day after I turned 18, I was raised on a working dairy farm, my "parents" drove me to town and dropped me off on a street curb with NO money, NO food, NO shelter, NO nothing except a plastic bag with my clothes in it and drove away. I never heard from either one of them again ever, 100% their choice.

You are such a wonderfully kind person, I got a HUGE feeling about that aspect reading your post.

I am 69 and I mention this ONLY because I turned 18 in 1974 and since then even, thou both of my siblings got everything, I have done MUCH better than either one after all these years and so will YOU!

You are an intelligent soul who has so much going for you and in the future, you will look back and also look at your brother and you WILL be much better off.

I believe in you and lots of hugs and well wishes to a fantastic family member on here.

Walter

 

[cait_sith]

My father died in front of me out of nowhere, this was 2015 so it wasn't the vaccine, he just collapsed heavy breathing on the ground, ambulance came, an hour later he was confirmed death, he wasn't super old and only had minor health issues. I am happy for him that he doesn't have to suffer from me or life anymore, this really make me feel like nothing matters, he only got 1 year of retirement, he wasn't perfect, he was an alcoholic who beat me and he didn't care much about my problems but he wasn't that bad of a person, my mother died when I was 11 and have no siblings, so he was the last person in my life, I've been alone for 10 years now.

 

[fedup1982]

I'm so sorry hun. I'll be devastated too when my dad passes away. I'm lucky he's lived as long as he has. I talk to him every day, multiple times, I don't know how I'll cope when he's gone.

 

[Pluto]

 

[westerly_merlin]

My father died last year, I have not felt grief or mourned him. He was an angry alcoholic who learned discipline in the Army in the 1950s. I see his passing as just another phase in his life.

 

[fishygirl]

My heart REALLY goes out to you, as I know all too well about siblings getting gifts and you and me both getting zero.

your words are so kind.. thank you.
you must be an incredibly resilient person. im happy for your success ♡

its sad how are parents treat us, but i know we wouldnt be the people we are now if it never happened. struggle can make a person kinder and wiser ♡

 

[copioushopelessness]

My father passed away a year ago. He had Parkinson's disease for the last few years, and then he died of cardiac arrest. We were getting along well; we never had a very close father-daughter relationship, but that was his way. And he loved me just as I still do. I miss him terribly. I still don't know how to deal with the grief. I can't even go to his grave. I've been there about three times at most. I really don't know what to feel. Just thinking about it gives me a tightness in my chest, my eyes fill with tears, and a horrible pain and anguish in my chest.

I'm sorry for your loss. Lost my dad three years ago. Very traumatic experience. Life has been hell ever since.

 

[kazatte]

my father drank himself to death a bit more than 2 years ago. i was very attached to him for my whole life due to seeking escape from my mother's treatment of me and also due to simply seeing a lot of myself in him. i try not to miss him too much though because he was very ill and whenever i think about it i just remind myself that keeping him alive while he was slowly dying would have been worse for me (and him) than just letting him go peacefully. i'm glad that he's in a better place now

 

[johnnytsunami667]

Burnt alive when I was 18, strong alcoholic and depressed person, fucked by tons of people and made poor choices. Fortunately I got my shit back together really quick but the boomerang got back into my head in the last years.

 

[Moniker]

No, I don't. Died of cancer compounded by his generally unhealthy lifestyle (obesity, heart issues, kidney issues, liver issues, etc). We didn't really have a relationship. He liked me more than his other kids. I think he was scum and an abuser. Not as bad by the time I was a teenager, but I was hit a lot. He was the only person I've been afraid of.

I'm glad he's dead, but I think back to how I still cried at his funeral. I wasn't sad - overwhelmed, maybe. Losing someone you've known your whole life is a lot to take in. Maybe that was grief.