Farewell Tonight Via SN

[sleepyhollow]

After many months of planning, the day has finally arrived. There were many people who I cared about. I wish I didn't have to leave them this way. I wish I could have prepared them better, but... they love me, and, if they had known, they wouldn't have allowed me to make this decision for myself, regardless of how altogether melancholic my existence might be. I'm not making this decision lightly, but I have been contemplating it for years, and I feel that I have the right to choose to end my personal existence when each day of living has been so very painful for such a long time. I feel like I am a failure, that I always dissapoint the people that I love the most, that I am not capable of living a full and happy life. I'm relatively young, but I found out not so long ago that I can't have children, and I have known for years that I have high-functioning autism and OCD. I literally can't create a family with another person in the future, and, despite my above-average intelligence, I am unable to have a successful career because I cannot complete tasks efficiently. I'm too much of a perfectionist, so every mistake I make seems to hang over my head and weigh me down. I kept all of these things inside. It was foolish to think that I could just ignore what I was feeling and keep them hidden so as to maintain the comfort of those around me. At some point, this manifested in the form of self harm, and it has only gotten more severe. It feels good to have an outlet, but it is simply exhausting to hide it constantly. I began to feel like I was unloveable, that I wasn't even worthy of being loved. I wish that no one ever had to feel like that, but I know that such a wish is futile. I look forward to my quickly-approaching death. I thought I would feel a little anxious, but all I feel is a vague sadness and a deep sense of calm. I want to thank you all for being so kind and understanding for the time that I was here. I really was so impressed by how helpful and empathetic and lovely everyone was. Thank you. When I couldn't talk to anyone else in my own life about the things I was going through, I found immeasurable solice and comfort just being present here. I wish all of you the best, whatever that might look like for you. For those interested, I will include my method and schedule for the next hours below :)

l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l

My method of choice is SN. I looked into other methods, but none seemed as reliable or (mostly) painless. Unfortunately, I don't have any other substances recommended by the PPH for the SN method, save painkiller. However, I am going to prepare a second glass of the dissolved SN to be used in the event that I upend my stomche's contents. I am fasting for a longer period of time than is required, which should help to speed up the process (low blood pressure=SN works faster), meaning that I will hopefully experience less of the potential side effects. My schedule is as follows:

(Yesterday)
- 10:00 pm: started fast from food
- 11:00 pm: double-checked purity of SN via blood test

(Today)
- 6:00 pm: stop drinking water
- 10:00 pm: take 600 mg of ibuprofen
- 10:15 pm: dissolve 25g SN in a small cup of water (x2)
- 10:25 pm: turn on some nice, calming music because I don't want to die in silence
- 10:30 pm: drink 1 of the cups of SN then consume 1 mint (to get rid of the salty taste) and just lay in bed and wait

If anyone has any suggestions with the materials available to me, please let me know. Once again, thank you all.

 

[Aim]

I don't feel like I have a clear answer to this, because it seems like some people choose benzoes and some not! And it seems like ibuprofen is needed for pain and benzoes for anxiety! However, people have successfully cbtd without benzoes. So it seems like this mostly depends on level of anxiety one may have.

I wish you a peaceful journey!:)

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Im sorry life has turned out this way, you sound like a lovely person who didn't deserve to go like this.
I hope your passing is peaceful and that you feel loved wherever you go next. I will think of you tonight, I wish you all the best lovely stranger.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I'm sorry you're life has been full of nothing but pain and misery. I wish you the best, and hope you find the peace you've been looking for!

 

[Anri_wants_peace]

good luck and hopefully a good night to you ❤❤❤

 

[Dliena]

Sorry for any and all pains/Inconveniences that you had to face in your life OP and hopefully you are able to get the rest you deserve or whatever else it may be that you desire. Bidding farewells to you!

 

[DreamEnd]

Have a nice trip. Keep us posted how it goes if you like. Good luck!

 

[Tears in Rain]

Go in peace!

 

[koalahymm]

May your passing be peaceful. Good luck!

 

[FieCher]

I'm so sorry

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm sorry your life got to the point where you're planning this. I'm in a similar situation, so I want to wish you the best of luck, but it's okay if you change your mind.

 

[LastBitOfJoy]

Hope you find your relief from all of it.

I am a little worried about no usage of antiemetics but people have been successful without them.

Have a nice exit <3

 

[aloyo]

I am so jealous, I hope you find peace

 

[Argo]

Hope everything goes ideally for you. Best wishes.

 

[DepressedChemMajor]

I wish you well and may you find peace

 

[no-name9859472882]

May you find peace

 

[Redacted24]

Hi there, I'm sad I didn't get to know you better as a kindred OCD perfectionist. I'll be sorry to see you go, but completely support and understand the why. I hope you find the relief you seek, and that it's a smooth comfortable journey.
Save a seat next to you, okay? I think you'd be a delightful traveling companion.

 

[ToilThenDie]

After many months of planning, the day has finally arrived. There were many people who I cared about. I wish I didn't have to leave them this way. I wish I could have prepared them better, but... they love me, and, if they had known, they wouldn't have allowed me to make this decision for myself, regardless of how altogether melancholic my existence might be. I'm not making this decision lightly, but I have been contemplating it for years, and I feel that I have the right to choose to end my personal existence when each day of living has been so very painful for such a long time. I feel like I am a failure, that I always dissapoint the people that I love the most, that I am not capable of living a full and happy life. I'm relatively young, but I found out not so long ago that I can't have children, and I have known for years that I have high-functioning autism and OCD. I literally can't create a family with another person in the future, and, despite my above-average intelligence, I am unable to have a successful career because I cannot complete tasks efficiently. I'm too much of a perfectionist, so every mistake I make seems to hang over my head and weigh me down. I kept all of these things inside. It was foolish to think that I could just ignore what I was feeling and keep them hidden so as to maintain the comfort of those around me. At some point, this manifested in the form of self harm, and it has only gotten more severe. It feels good to have an outlet, but it is simply exhausting to hide it constantly. I began to feel like I was unloveable, that I wasn't even worthy of being loved. I wish that no one ever had to feel like that, but I know that such a wish is futile. I look forward to my quickly-approaching death. I thought I would feel a little anxious, but all I feel is a vague sadness and a deep sense of calm. I want to thank you all for being so kind and understanding for the time that I was here. I really was so impressed by how helpful and empathetic and lovely everyone was. Thank you. When I couldn't talk to anyone else in my own life about the things I was going through, I found immeasurable solice and comfort just being present here. I wish all of you the best, whatever that might look like for you. For those interested, I will include my method and schedule for the next hours below :)

l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l

My method of choice is SN. I looked into other methods, but none seemed as reliable or (mostly) painless. Unfortunately, I don't have any other substances recommended by the PPH for the SN method, save painkiller. However, I am going to prepare a second glass of the dissolved SN to be used in the event that I upend my stomche's contents. I am fasting for a longer period of time than is required, which should help to speed up the process (low blood pressure=SN works faster), meaning that I will hopefully experience less of the potential side effects. My schedule is as follows:

(Yesterday)
- 10:00 pm: started fast from food
- 11:00 pm: double-checked purity of SN via blood test

(Today)
- 6:00 pm: stop drinking water
- 10:00 pm: take 600 mg of ibuprofen
- 10:15 pm: dissolve 25g SN in a small cup of water (x2)
- 10:25 pm: turn on some nice, calming music because I don't want to die in silence
- 10:30 pm: drink 1 of the cups of SN then consume 1 mint (to get rid of the salty taste) and just lay in bed and wait

If anyone has any suggestions with the materials available to me, please let me know. Once again, thank you all.

Farewell. May you find peace

 

[AveMori]

I don't think we interacted before, but your post makes you seem like an amazing and interesting person. I will keep a candle burning for you tonight

 

[TAW122]

I wish you peace in the coming hours and hope that your suffering will abate.

 

[Gonnerr]

Goodbye i wish you peace.

Per ardua mortem.

 

[Wistful]

Rest well.

 

[redrope]

sleep well lovie

 

[over.the.rainbow]

This brought tears to my eyes as I relate to you on so many levels. You seem like someone I'd like to have known. I hope you find peace in abundance.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace! Farewell!

 

[dreamingofrest]

I'm sorry you've been in so much pain, may you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[FuneralCry]

Goodbye, I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[outrider567]

You are at peace now

 

[Miku _fanboy101]

After many months of planning, the day has finally arrived. There were many people who I cared about. I wish I didn't have to leave them this way. I wish I could have prepared them better, but... they love me, and, if they had known, they wouldn't have allowed me to make this decision for myself, regardless of how altogether melancholic my existence might be. I'm not making this decision lightly, but I have been contemplating it for years, and I feel that I have the right to choose to end my personal existence when each day of living has been so very painful for such a long time. I feel like I am a failure, that I always dissapoint the people that I love the most, that I am not capable of living a full and happy life. I'm relatively young, but I found out not so long ago that I can't have children, and I have known for years that I have high-functioning autism and OCD. I literally can't create a family with another person in the future, and, despite my above-average intelligence, I am unable to have a successful career because I cannot complete tasks efficiently. I'm too much of a perfectionist, so every mistake I make seems to hang over my head and weigh me down. I kept all of these things inside. It was foolish to think that I could just ignore what I was feeling and keep them hidden so as to maintain the comfort of those around me. At some point, this manifested in the form of self harm, and it has only gotten more severe. It feels good to have an outlet, but it is simply exhausting to hide it constantly. I began to feel like I was unloveable, that I wasn't even worthy of being loved. I wish that no one ever had to feel like that, but I know that such a wish is futile. I look forward to my quickly-approaching death. I thought I would feel a little anxious, but all I feel is a vague sadness and a deep sense of calm. I want to thank you all for being so kind and understanding for the time that I was here. I really was so impressed by how helpful and empathetic and lovely everyone was. Thank you. When I couldn't talk to anyone else in my own life about the things I was going through, I found immeasurable solice and comfort just being present here. I wish all of you the best, whatever that might look like for you. For those interested, I will include my method and schedule for the next hours below :)

l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l\\\l///l

My method of choice is SN. I looked into other methods, but none seemed as reliable or (mostly) painless. Unfortunately, I don't have any other substances recommended by the PPH for the SN method, save painkiller. However, I am going to prepare a second glass of the dissolved SN to be used in the event that I upend my stomche's contents. I am fasting for a longer period of time than is required, which should help to speed up the process (low blood pressure=SN works faster), meaning that I will hopefully experience less of the potential side effects. My schedule is as follows:

(Yesterday)
- 10:00 pm: started fast from food
- 11:00 pm: double-checked purity of SN via blood test

(Today)
- 6:00 pm: stop drinking water
- 10:00 pm: take 600 mg of ibuprofen
- 10:15 pm: dissolve 25g SN in a small cup of water (x2)
- 10:25 pm: turn on some nice, calming music because I don't want to die in silence
- 10:30 pm: drink 1 of the cups of SN then consume 1 mint (to get rid of the salty taste) and just lay in bed and wait

If anyone has any suggestions with the materials available to me, please let me know. Once again, thank you all.

I'm assuming now you have rested, good night to you

 

[cryone]

Came late, hope you made it safely.