Venting Face sh & being unstable in an relationship

[lonergirl_26]

My mood suddenly changed and I was very frustrated with myself and became suddenly in need to hurt myself.
I ended up taking it out on my boyfriend
I wanted to be hurt.
I expressed my feelings of not feeling connected to him and his responses were just winding me up more. So I said things to wind him up and just him.
I just feel like he never listens or understands me. I'm so lonely but he doesn't get it. I can't have any chance at a career but he doesn't get it. I have dreams and things I want now because of him but he doesn't understand I can't have it.
I feel so bad
I think I love him
It's so complicated for me and I don't feel like he loves or sees me
I don't want to hurt him part of me wants him to leave me
Anyway because I hurt him I needed to 'ruin' myself by cutting my face
Mainly cat scratches and some styros on my cheeks and there's a deep styro or bean on my chin.
How am I supposed to hide it?
Part of me doesn't want to do then they can see that them ignoring my obvious issues isn't working but I don't want to upset my mum

 

[pyamu]

maybe look into borderline personality disorder bc you sound a lot like me :((

 

[blckfurmutt]

hey is there any update? how are you feeling now?

 

[lonergirl_26]

hey is there any update? how are you feeling now?

Hey, I'd dint expect to make an update but here it is
I still have sudden changes like that, I have for a long time, nothing to that extent.
As for the face I still have a mark on my chin. My mum saw my face the day after and asked what happened when I said nothing she shook her head and wouldn't look at me.