exam in an hour

[ardea]

I have a chem final in an hour that I've been studying for for a month, but there's no chance I pass. I couldn't study for two or three months because I was hospitalized and then put in an iop, and before that I absorbed pretty much nothing from the course because I dissociated through all the lectures. I've been doing better than before mental health wise but I don't know if I can handle failing this. when I took the midterm last week for a solid forty minutes of the exam I didn't do anything but contemplate whether I should jump off an accessible building after getting out (it's less than nine stories and the last person to jump off it died slowly) or wait and take sn. there were no other options in my mind. I'm on hrt and have antidepressants now so I know it's not a good idea for me to ctb at this point but I know I'm not going to be okay when I fail. like I know realistically it doesn't matter and I can just retake the course and med schools look at trajectory, but I always just forget about that. and even after the test, it's not going to stop. if I don't flunk out of college I'll have exams constantly for another decade or so (probably much longer with retaking courses, and this is assuming I get into med school which probably isn't happening). it's not like I'm bad at things, I got the highest possible scores on the english/reading sides of the sat and act both on my first try but still failed english last semester for not handing things in. I'm the second person that professor has failed in her career; it's a tech school so english is meant to be easy. how am I supposed to do well at things that are actually hard?

I want to get better but nothing's actually changed. I just don't know what to do. I'm probably going to have a panic attack in the testing room and the thing I got put in the psych ward from worrying about is going to happen and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even medicate because I lost my anxiety meds somehow.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

trying to do college stuff while having mental illness is rough, i've failed a lot of tests and had to retake classes cos of my mental health too. it really sucks and im sorry you're going through it. you can retake classes but i know its still rough to go through and it sucks. if your without your anxiety medicine is it possible do you know to message the doctor and see if they can get more?

i hope everything goes okay for you and you're okay.

 

[N@te]

I have a chem final in an hour that I've been studying for for a month, but there's no chance I pass. I couldn't study for two or three months because I was hospitalized and then put in an iop, and before that I absorbed pretty much nothing from the course because I dissociated through all the lectures. I've been doing better than before mental health wise but I don't know if I can handle failing this. when I took the midterm last week for a solid forty minutes of the exam I didn't do anything but contemplate whether I should jump off an accessible building after getting out (it's less than nine stories and the last person to jump off it died slowly) or wait and take sn. there were no other options in my mind. I'm on hrt and have antidepressants now so I know it's not a good idea for me to ctb at this point but I know I'm not going to be okay when I fail. like I know realistically it doesn't matter and I can just retake the course and med schools look at trajectory, but I always just forget about that. and even after the test, it's not going to stop. if I don't flunk out of college I'll have exams constantly for another decade or so (probably much longer with retaking courses, and this is assuming I get into med school which probably isn't happening). it's not like I'm bad at things, I got the highest possible scores on the english/reading sides of the sat and act both on my first try but still failed english last semester for not handing things in. I'm the second person that professor has failed in her career; it's a tech school so english is meant to be easy. how am I supposed to do well at things that are actually hard?

I want to get better but nothing's actually changed. I just don't know what to do. I'm probably going to have a panic attack in the testing room and the thing I got put in the psych ward from worrying about is going to happen and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even medicate because I lost my anxiety meds somehow.

depending on what your anxiety meds are, you may be able to buy them from india without a prescription. Also, have you considered a leave of absence?

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

how are you? are you okay? i hope the test wasnt too bad.

 

[ardea]

how are you? are you okay? i hope the test wasnt too bad.

it didn't go as badly as expected! I knew how to do like 30% of the problems and could guess at another 20% or so. I'm pretty sure I did a bunch of them the wrong way but still figured it out with algebra. and no panic attack this time!! overall I'm very relieved. I don't know if I'll pass or not, but in any case I won't fail too egregiously. ty for asking <3

depending on what your anxiety meds are, you may be able to buy them from india without a prescription. Also, have you considered a leave of absence?

I can get a refill on my prescription, I just didn't bother because I realized I didn't have them two days before the exam. although I should probably talk to my doctor about that since I'm not sure it actually does anything for me. I've thought about putting academics on hold, and my parents really want me to transfer to community college, but I just don't want to. I don't think taking a break will change anything since I'll still have the same problems when I start again (ig I'd have less if I transition during that time but that'll take years). also I think that'd just make me stressed about not studying. I did register for the minimum number of credits for next semester, so it shouldn't be too bad.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

it didn't go as badly as expected! I knew how to do like 30% of the problems and could guess at another 20% or so. I'm pretty sure I did a bunch of them the wrong way but still figured it out with algebra. and no panic attack this time!! overall I'm very relieved. I don't know if I'll pass or not, but in any case I won't fail too egregiously. ty for asking <3

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I can get a refill on my prescription, I just didn't bother because I realized I didn't have them two days before the exam. although I should probably talk to my doctor about that since I'm not sure it actually does anything for me. I've thought about putting academics on hold, and my parents really want me to transfer to community college, but I just don't want to. I don't think taking a break will change anything since I'll still have the same problems when I start again (ig I'd have less if I transition during that time but that'll take years). also I think that'd just make me stressed about not studying. I did register for the minimum number of credits for next semester, so it shouldn't be too bad.

im so glad it went okay! and i am glad you are feeling alright about it. i hope the rest of the class goes alright.

sometimes some places can give you just a few pills faster then the full prescription, so that you don;t have to go without while they refill. when i did it before it was same day. i dont know if thats helpful or not or if they have that for you but it could help and i didnt know until my dad told me about it. i hope the less credits next semester is easier too. i take the minium amount usually too.