sugarmagnolia
Member
- Apr 4, 2023
- 26
im at this point as we speak. im considering just going rouge and doing something tonight or tomorrow that may / may not end up killing me fully. just want to know if anyone has been in this same circumstance.
Saudade
Longing for a person that is absent
- May 1, 2023
- 24
Yeah I get what you mean. I've talked about these waves before, it's like out of nowhere (or caused by smth..) I get the feeling like I haaavee to do smth intense even to the point where I feel like I should Ctb. I used to smoke till I couldn't feel it anymore but now that I'm quitting it's been hard. I'm lucky enough to have a friend helping me out…
If it can help, go for a run or eat something spicy or weird, listen to an intense movie, distract yourself… talk to someone here, anything really…
If it can help, go for a run or eat something spicy or weird, listen to an intense movie, distract yourself… talk to someone here, anything really…
sugarmagnolia
Member
- Apr 4, 2023
- 26
sugarmagnolia
Member
- Apr 4, 2023
- 26
Saudade
Longing for a person that is absent
- May 1, 2023
- 24
Yes I'm desperate right now. I've been ill for so long, my life is just a cruel existence. Want to get hold of something absolute and reliable. Don't want the end to be as hard as this journey has been . Hard to get a reliable source in the UK. I'm so tired.
sugarmagnolia
Member
- Apr 4, 2023
- 26
i wish you the best man. you dont deserve to have your end be just as bad as the road that led to it
Thank you
I cannot comprehend how hard it is to end when existing is soul deep agony…my body is so weak yet I seem to be able to survive the inconceivable.
Last edited:
loverfromhell
i don’t wanna be here
- May 1, 2023
- 38
i completely understand this feeling! sometime i get this deep urge to do something painful and low success like stabbing myself because the urge to ctb is so strong… like some sort of terrible itch:( it is quite frustrating not being able to have a peaceful method so i think these episodes of desperation are so valid
Heck yeah. For me, it's like a blister that demands to be popped. I need to do something – anything – to make it lessen or go away. No concern for whether I die or permanently injure myself.
I think the worst has been when I've been in hospital. That feeling of being trapped that is present all the time gets intensified times a thousand.
If it helps, like Saudade suggested: take an ice bath or dunk your face in cold water; do something physically intense; distract yourself. Personally, what helps me is thinking about the long-term consequences: I want to be dead but if I'm going to be alive, I want to be healthy. I think about the risks of doing something that isn't a carefully thought out ctb plan with a high likelihood of success. Sometimes, for me, it's just harm reduction – maybe I get blackout drunk, which isn't great, but it's better than doing some dumb stuff and waking up in hospital needing serious medical intervention but not being dead.
In any case, I hope this feeling passes soon for you. I empathize with how uncomfortable it can be.
I think the worst has been when I've been in hospital. That feeling of being trapped that is present all the time gets intensified times a thousand.
If it helps, like Saudade suggested: take an ice bath or dunk your face in cold water; do something physically intense; distract yourself. Personally, what helps me is thinking about the long-term consequences: I want to be dead but if I'm going to be alive, I want to be healthy. I think about the risks of doing something that isn't a carefully thought out ctb plan with a high likelihood of success. Sometimes, for me, it's just harm reduction – maybe I get blackout drunk, which isn't great, but it's better than doing some dumb stuff and waking up in hospital needing serious medical intervention but not being dead.
In any case, I hope this feeling passes soon for you. I empathize with how uncomfortable it can be.
CTB Fella
Experienced
- Dec 15, 2022
- 257
Warned for encouraging CTB
If you'd reached that point "as we speak," you'd do something right now.
I know, I've been there.
axxxu
Member
- Apr 8, 2023
- 69
A few days ago I ate some foxglove seeds because I was at my breaking point, school and the teachers were pressuring me and my family was completely oblivious.
Nothing happened and I'm still here.
Nothing happened and I'm still here.
nozomu
Global Mod // will i wiN my recovery arc
- Nov 28, 2022
- 1,094
I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed (also cool PFP! I love that anime and not many people know it)
How old are you btw?
axxxu
Member
- Apr 8, 2023
- 69
Thank you!
I turned 18 last December. I failed a year of highschool and got transferred to a learning/credit program.
Sorry if I'm still too young, I could self ban if it's not allowed.
in my opinion your not to young to be here you should be allowed to be here! :) you have a right to be here
