At my breaking point. People with anhedonia, has anything helped you break through the numbness?

[NumbForLife]

I just broke my no alcohol streak of several years on Friday night (I wasn't an alcoholic, but decided to prioritize my health because of an illness). I was gonna do round 2 on Sunday night yesterday, but the cider I got was really gross and my tolerance was way too high so I had a few cans and called it a night.

Since all medical treatments failed me, I was thinking of buying some drugs later this week to see if they help me break through the numbness. I don't even know where to find a dealer tbh. I'm so tired of this man. I just want to feel something. It's not my fault all medical treatments failed me.

In case I'm not gonna be alive much longer I think I may want to dye my hair for the first time ever too, so that it'll be 2 colours instead of 1. I really like my natural hair, but I kinda want to try something new by adding a second colour to it.

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

I'm sorry to hear that. I was abusing ketamine and alcohol daily and sometimes in the morning too, but that barely helped. I've been sober for about 3 weeks now and I would like to say that "it gets better" but nope. Life is still just as hard. Anhedonia still fucks me over. I waste my days away in bed home alone or flickering through the games I play with no one else. I seriously can't keep doing this shit

PS What colour are you thinking of your hair?

 

[NumbForLife]

I'm sorry to hear that. I was abusing ketamine and alcohol daily and sometimes in the morning too, but that barely helped. I've been sober for about 3 weeks now and I would like to say that "it gets better" but nope. Life is still just as hard. Anhedonia still fucks me over. I waste my days away in bed home alone or flickering through the games I play with no one else. I seriously can't keep doing this shit

PS What colour are you thinking of your hair?

Awh I feel for you. It's a brutal existence. I can't keep living this way either. After this long without alcohol I can't even get myself to drink it anymore, I tried several different drinks and found most of them to be gross. I was thinking of trying ketamine IVs under a doctor's supervision, but maybe I can buy some ketamine pills instead and pop them.

I'm a brunette with dark brown hair, so I'm thinking of either adding in light brown or blonde. I know light brown should look good and I feel like blonde is the risky one, but I kind of want to go for the risky one. I wanna go bold.

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

Awh I feel for you. It's a brutal existence. I can't keep living this way either. After this long without alcohol I can't even get myself to drink it anymore, I tried several different drinks and found most of them to be gross. I was thinking of trying ketamine IVs under a doctor's supervision, but maybe I can buy some ketamine pills instead and pop them.

I'm a brunette with dark brown hair, so I'm thinking of either adding in light brown or blonde. I know light brown should look good and I feel like blonde is the risky one, but I kind of want to go for the risky one. I wanna go bold.

I was actually in a treatment-resistant depression trial testing ketamine + therapy vs ketamine. That's where I got the idea to "self-medicate" with it lol and bought it off the dark web. I don't know, the trial definitely helped, but when I was abusing I found out that I still was in, and still is, in a lot of pain. I don't know about you, but ketamine therapy is only available here is private-only and very expensive, I wonder how it is where you are lol.

A little bit of blonde sounds good!

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Only thing that worked for me somewhat are social contacts (and sex would help too, but I don't get any). But the only place I had any social contacts recently was a mental health clinic and that was only for 7 weeks and now I'm worse than before. I guess it was like giving me a drug and then put me on withdrawal again.

 

[NumbForLife]

I was actually in a treatment-resistant depression trial testing ketamine + therapy vs ketamine. That's where I got the idea to "self-medicate" with it lol and bought it off the dark web. I don't know, the trial definitely helped, but when I was abusing I found out that I still was in, and still is, in a lot of pain. I don't know about you, but ketamine therapy is only available here is private-only and very expensive, I wonder how it is where you are lol.

A little bit of blonde sounds good!

Yeah that shit is expensive here too. Since it's pretty much a do or die situation, I'm willing to pay for ketamine treatment. Because my anhedonia is lifelong I have a bad feeling it's not going to work... Just like how deep TMS didn't work at all. I'm actually thinking about flying to a top clinic in the US for treatment even though I have a bad fear of flying now after a few scary flights. This would be a final effort. I'm fuckin doneee.

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

Yeah that shit is expensive here too. Since it's pretty much a do or die situation, I'm willing to pay for ketamine treatment. Because my anhedonia is lifelong I have a bad feeling it's not going to work... Just like how deep TMS didn't work at all. I'm actually thinking about flying to a top clinic in the US for treatment even though I have a bad fear of flying now after a few scary flights. This would be a final effort. I'm fuckin doneee.

Oh interesting, I've wondered about doing TMS to see if it helps. I'm sorry that it didn't help you. I hope the ketamine treatment helps though :) don't be like me and abuse it for months on end lol

 

[NumbForLife]

Oh interesting, I've wondered about doing TMS to see if it helps. I'm sorry that it didn't help you. I hope the ketamine treatment helps though :) don't be like me and abuse it for months on end lol

I'd be happy to abuse ketamine if it actually works for me and breaks through the numbness lol. I didn't know that Google is like fuckin Willy Wonka for drugs. I'm sure some sites are scams tho so I'm not gonna use the ones on there. I have an idea to find a reliable source.

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

I'd be happy to abuse ketamine if it actually works for me and breaks through the numbness lol. I didn't know that Google is like fuckin Willy Wonka for drugs. I'm sure some sites are scams tho so I'm not gonna use the ones on there. I have an idea to find a reliable source.

Yeah I would stick to the dark web if you want to get ketamine. Anything off Google would for sure be a honey pot or a scam. Maybe try out using it but be careful cause it can fuck over your bladder

 

[NumbForLife]

Yeah I would stick to the dark web if you want to get ketamine. Anything off Google would for sure be a honey pot or a scam. Maybe try out using it but be careful cause it can fuck over your bladder

Oh okay. I mainly have to watch out for scams then. I wouldn't get in trouble for drug use here even if I were caught unless I'm doing something else I shouldn't be doing like doing them in public or being violent or committing a crime kind of thing. They're focusing on targeting traffickers. Oooh thanks, I'll keep that in mind about the bladder.

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

Oh okay. I mainly have to watch out for scams then. I wouldn't get in trouble for drug use here even if I were caught unless I'm doing something else I shouldn't be doing like doing them in public or being violent or committing a crime kind of thing. They're focusing on targeting traffickers. Oooh thanks, I'll keep that in mind about the bladder.

Just don't use it too much - you might also get the k-cramps which are super painful. I'm not sure if it's true, but some people on /r/ketamine claim that supplements/vitamins help, so just keep that also in mind.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I was actually in a treatment-resistant depression trial testing ketamine + therapy vs ketamine. That's where I got the idea to "self-medicate" with it lol and bought it off the dark web. I don't know, the trial definitely helped, but when I was abusing I found out that I still was in, and still is, in a lot of pain. I don't know about you, but ketamine therapy is only available here is private-only and very expensive, I wonder how it is where you are lol.

A little bit of blonde sounds good!

I'm planning to try that soon, thankfully it's free here (Germany)

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

I'm planning to try that soon, thankfully it's free here (Germany)

Oh thats great! Good luck with it

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Oh thats great! Good luck with it

Well, thanks.

I don't think it will actually help. Maybe it will make existing less dreadful but still not enable me to create a life worth living. I've been way better than I am right now several longer time periods over the last decade and it still never enabled me to create anything close to a fulfilling life experience. It felt just like a constant fight against circumstances that never went my way long enough to actually make a lasting difference.

 

[iguazo falls]

dxm which is also similar to ketamine (whatever you do dont drink on dxm) helped me for a bit and i only needed 60mg a day to feel it. unfortunately i abused it a lot and i think worsened a liver enzyme deficiency so most drugs feel like shit or last too long for me now lol. i was thinking if you are willing to self medicate w ketamine but find it risky, theres also dxm and its prescribed 2 x 45mg a day with bupropion as "auvelity" a new antidepressant. comes with side effects tho like most things.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Just like how deep TMS didn't work at all.

If you mean rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnet stimulation) I'm trying to get that, too, But apparently it's very limited spots over here at least.

There is also the more brute force way of ECT (electro culvulsion therapy), basically giving yourself controlled cramps under general anaesthesia which apparently has higher success rates, might be something to try if you got nothing to lose.

with bupropion as "auvelity" a new antidepressant.

Was planning to also try that since its not an SSRI and might help a little with ADHD as well, but I will have to find a substitute for Atomotexine then (non stimulant adhd med) and probably go back to methylphenidate which I used to just build too much of a tolerance in the past. We'll see...

 

[NumbForLife]

If you mean rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnet stimulation) I'm trying to get that, too, But apparently it's very limited spots over here at least.

There is also the more brute force way of ECT (electro culvulsion therapy), basically giving yourself controlled cramps under general anaesthesia which apparently has higher success rates, might be something to try if you got nothing to lose.



Was planning to also try that since its not an SSRI and might help a little with ADHD as well, but I will have to find a substitute for Atomotexine then (non stimulant adhd med) and probably go back to methylphenidate which I used to just build too much of a tolerance in the past. We'll see...

Mine was similar to rTMS, but deep TMS is supposed to affect like an inch deeper in the brain. ECT scares me. I think I'm only gonna go for ketamine and probably leave it at that.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

the drugs help for me honestly. but its very dangerous

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Mine was similar to rTMS, but deep TMS is supposed to affect like an inch deeper in the brain.

Aha, interesting. Didn't know there was different forms of TMS. I'm not sure if the deep TMS is a thing here in Germany.

ECT scares me. I think I'm only gonna go for ketamine and probably leave it at that.

Understandable, controlled cramps while being under sounds harsh af. At this point nothing treatment wise scares me much I guess, just other things like both 'living' on like this (a lot) and dying (somewhat), but still it sounds quite invasive.
They proposed I should try ketamine first anyway, so I'll go with that I guess.

 

[Dubito]

I had 42 ect s. It's as bad as it sounds. But the most side effect are memory problems. That was a bit scary.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I had 42 ect s. It's as bad as it sounds. But the most side effect are memory problems. That was a bit scary.

Over what timeframe? Did it help whatsoever? Really inclined to hear your experiences.
I did read about the memory loss as a side effect, but mostly it was short term memory as I understood it?!

 

[Dubito]

Over three years because of depression. Unfortunatly it didn't help me very much but i got the know some people where IT helped very well. But these people had severe depression. Your right. The memory problems are mostly short time and come Back after a while. But i also heard of people WHO had longterm memory problems. I don't know If i would recommend ECT for anhedonia. But before you kill yourself try it first;)

 

[Throwawaysoul]

I abused ketamine. It was wonderful at first, then the tolerance grew quickly and apparently it lasts awhile. Microdosing LSD was helpful at first too, then stopped working. Weed just makes me live in my head. I'm currently looking for a new research chemical to try.

 

[BrainSplatter]

I'm numb I don't make me feel happy about anything idk the the last time I was I'll laugh at jokes and smile sometimes but it always feels forced I do it out of habit. Sobriety never made me happy, playing games don't really do anything to me I feel like everything is so meaningless and I mean the drugs help they don't make me happy it just makes things more tolerable

 

[SASU-KE]

I may want to dye my hair for the first time ever too, so that it'll be 2 colours instead of 1.

You may want to try on a spray painted wig or something before you actually go through with it.

Did you end up doing it?

Spoiler

Pics?

 

[prof_moustache]

I just broke my no alcohol streak of several years on Friday night (I wasn't an alcoholic, but decided to prioritize my health because of an illness). I was gonna do round 2 on Sunday night yesterday, but the cider I got was really gross and my tolerance was way too high so I had a few cans and called it a night.

Since all medical treatments failed me, I was thinking of buying some drugs later this week to see if they help me break through the numbness. I don't even know where to find a dealer tbh. I'm so tired of this man. I just want to feel something. It's not my fault all medical treatments failed me.

In case I'm not gonna be alive much longer I think I may want to dye my hair for the first time ever too, so that it'll be 2 colours instead of 1. I really like my natural hair, but I kinda want to try something new by adding a second colour to it.

Severe anhedonia is the only reason I'm on this platform. I've had mine for 7 1/2 consecutive years. The problem with anhedonia is that in the very severe cases, it can cause something that is often referred to as substance blockage, in which the rewarding or comforting effects of drugs are blunted as well. There are very few reliable interventions that can penetrate through the blockage, one of them being ECT. However there is a fair chance even that might not work since anhedonia at the severe end is inherently treatment resistant

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Severe anhedonia is the only reason I'm on this platform. I've had mine for 7 1/2 consecutive years. The problem with anhedonia is that in the very severe cases, it can cause something that is often referred to as substance blockage, in which the rewarding or comforting effects of drugs are blunted as well. There are very few reliable interventions that can penetrate through the blockage, one of them being ECT. However there is a fair chance even that might not work since anhedonia at the severe end is inherently treatment resistant

You are scaring me, I hope mine isn't... For now we havent gone as far as ECT and there is still a few escalation steps left

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I just broke my no alcohol streak of several years on Friday night (I wasn't an alcoholic, but decided to prioritize my health because of an illness). I was gonna do round 2 on Sunday night yesterday, but the cider I got was really gross and my tolerance was way too high so I had a few cans and called it a night.

Since all medical treatments failed me, I was thinking of buying some drugs later this week to see if they help me break through the numbness. I don't even know where to find a dealer tbh. I'm so tired of this man. I just want to feel something. It's not my fault all medical treatments failed me.

In case I'm not gonna be alive much longer I think I may want to dye my hair for the first time ever too, so that it'll be 2 colours instead of 1. I really like my natural hair, but I kinda want to try something new by adding a second colour to it.

I play game and live vicariously through tv shows. Pretend to be excited once in a while when socializing with people I fond of