iamalreadydead
Student
- Nov 25, 2022
- 139
had a week or 2 of upping my caloric intake, kind of convinced myself into a recovery esque mindset but, binged a couple times, stayed at the limit I set myself for only a couple days. My stomach bloats to fucking hell after eating barely 800 calories, it triggers me and I end up eating 3k-6k cals. I've just been running and lifting to make up for it but honestly I just want to go back to restricting. I got to my lowest weight 2 weeks ago and now I'm 2.9 pounds above it, and 5.5 pounds above being underweight. I feel disgusting.
Initially told myself eating more would be good. I could think clearer and engage in hobbies again and be more active. The truth is that even in the absence of low energy and anhedonia induced by not eating, I still actually just don't give a shit about anything anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't care about my "hobbies".
So why shouldn't I just go back to eating sub 500 cals a day? and lying in bed staring at the wall until I hit new low weights? There isn't any practical reason for me not to, is there? I have no responsibilities right now. Nothing at all. I probably won't for another couple months.
Initially told myself eating more would be good. I could think clearer and engage in hobbies again and be more active. The truth is that even in the absence of low energy and anhedonia induced by not eating, I still actually just don't give a shit about anything anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't care about my "hobbies".
So why shouldn't I just go back to eating sub 500 cals a day? and lying in bed staring at the wall until I hit new low weights? There isn't any practical reason for me not to, is there? I have no responsibilities right now. Nothing at all. I probably won't for another couple months.
