lovelulu
with stars in my eyes, crying as I wheel.
- Jan 3, 2026
- 229
For my whole life, ive been pretty skinny—not deathly skinny, but skinny enough. I always got compliments about it from my friends, saying how they wanted my body so bad. Now, thats been the only thing ive truly liked about myself. At one point, I eventually gained about 5 pounds, and I didnt necessarily like that. After being told im skinny and that my weight was low all my life, gaining weight was a fear of mine, that I would lose the one thing i liked about myself. Now recently, I went back down 5 pounds, going back to my original weight. At that point, I wasn't doing anything intentionally to lose weight, I just naturally lost it from my poor eating habits. My mom even said I was looking a bit skinner, then I told her I lose 5 pounds. After that, my parents have started making me eat better and have a better diet so I can get back those 5 pounds. Hearing that, I got really pissed. I felt like they were trying to make me fatter. So now back in the present, ive just been lying to them and saying ive been eating good. In reality, I've been starving myself. I've lost a few more pounds which is good, but my goal is to get below 100 Ib..
The thing is about this is that im not necessarily that worried about how my body itself looks, but rather im worried about the numbers. I've started to weigh myself constantly everyday. I've considered purging whenever I got hungry enough and ate something, but im well aware of the long term consequences of that. I'd rather not my teeth start rotting. Instead of that, ive just been walking it off, as I walk my dogs everyday. Now, I dont really know if this really could be classified as an eating disorder. Im not sure.
The thing is about this is that im not necessarily that worried about how my body itself looks, but rather im worried about the numbers. I've started to weigh myself constantly everyday. I've considered purging whenever I got hungry enough and ate something, but im well aware of the long term consequences of that. I'd rather not my teeth start rotting. Instead of that, ive just been walking it off, as I walk my dogs everyday. Now, I dont really know if this really could be classified as an eating disorder. Im not sure.