Venting dysphoria is *bad* bad

[Khaos_Playground]

I genuinely think if I didn't have dysphoria I never wouldve attempted previously and wouldnt be planning to ctb right now. I wrote out a note listing my reasons and its literally all about the dysphoria that has ruined my life. all the trauma and pain I've been through is light in comparison and ive gone through so much shit lmao, I thought starting hrt would make it better but it really hasn't done much, the improvement its made is marginal because puberty made sure I will never pass and I can never and will never be able to afford the surgeries necessary to allow me to pass. I am fucked beyond saving at this point and its all because I was forced through male puberty knowing the whole time I was trans and I couldn't do anything about it because care as a minor is illegal where I am. I would've been fine with a life as shitty as this one has been if not worse if only I could've lived it as a woman from the start. Honestly lately I've been hoping reincarnation is real, because if it is I'll reroll my life over and over until I get just one life where I get to be a cis woman, or at least a wealthy trans woman with accepting parents who starts hrt early lmao.

anyways thanks for listening to me ramble into the void if anyone is even reading this lol, hope you all have a good day