Story Drowning in my thoughts

[dahliadreamscape444]

Just got finished writing this all out. It's a bit of a sloppy vent from just some pent up emotions these past few days. I hope to make more actual substantial posts soon. Nostalgia is a silent killer, I feel like.

For the past few days it's been getting so much worse. I'm so numb and I'm overwhelmed with all of my regrets and loneliness.

I feel like I've wasted my whole life. I'm 26 now and I feel like it's too cringy for me to go to anime conventions or start into cosplay again or the creative sphere that I used to be passionate about. I feel like I'm past my prime to be going out clubbing and getting drunk and having a good time. I missed the opportunity to join a sorority and secure friends for life. I can't start watching new shows again because I feel like I'm too old to still be a fan, or even if I was I wouldn't be able to interact with anyone about it and then all the emotions from being moved by something have no where to go and I'm reminded again of my loneliness. Every post I see on social media is from someone I used to consider a close friend getting married and seeing all of the invitees being people I know too just sucks. I just feel like I'm the only one getting left behind and everyone else has someone they can talk to consistently, or has someone that knows every little detail about them. I don't.

My brain has been hyper focusing on how lonely I am. I wake up and I start crying thinking about how I have no one to talk to. I'll be forgotten about completely when I die. Im hoping before that that I can try to contribute and make an impact here somehow, to finally find a community that I can support and that can support me back. So that when I'm gone I'll have someone that says they actually enjoyed having me around, or that I had some sort of impact on them. Thank you to everyone who commented on my introductory post. I know that the purpose of this forum isn't really to make friends, but I feel like the prospect of making connections here is also helping me from spiraling too much harder.

♡Dahlia

 

[MeSauce]

Just got finished writing this all out. It's a bit of a sloppy vent from just some pent up emotions these past few days. I hope to make more actual substantial posts soon. Nostalgia is a silent killer, I feel like.

For the past few days it's been getting so much worse. I'm so numb and I'm overwhelmed with all of my regrets and loneliness.

I feel like I've wasted my whole life. I'm 26 now and I feel like it's too cringy for me to go to anime conventions or start into cosplay again or the creative sphere that I used to be passionate about. I feel like I'm past my prime to be going out clubbing and getting drunk and having a good time. I missed the opportunity to join a sorority and secure friends for life. I can't start watching new shows again because I feel like I'm too old to still be a fan, or even if I was I wouldn't be able to interact with anyone about it and then all the emotions from being moved by something have no where to go and I'm reminded again of my loneliness. Every post I see on social media is from someone I used to consider a close friend getting married and seeing all of the invitees being people I know too just sucks. I just feel like I'm the only one getting left behind and everyone else has someone they can talk to consistently, or has someone that knows every little detail about them. I don't.

My brain has been hyper focusing on how lonely I am. I wake up and I start crying thinking about how I have no one to talk to. I'll be forgotten about completely when I die. Im hoping before that that I can try to contribute and make an impact here somehow, to finally find a community that I can support and that can support me back. So that when I'm gone I'll have someone that says they actually enjoyed having me around, or that I had some sort of impact on them. Thank you to everyone who commented on my introductory post. I know that the purpose of this forum isn't really to make friends, but I feel like the prospect of making connections here is also helping me from spiraling too much harder.

♡Dahlia

Hi Dahlia I like your pfp, very cool (✿◠‿◠) I've felt some of the things you are feeling, it sucks Do you have an anime that really moved you? You don't have to answer if you don't feel like talking about it, i just wanted you to know somebody read what you wrote and was interested

 

[ctb_warrior]

Just got finished writing this all out. It's a bit of a sloppy vent from just some pent up emotions these past few days. I hope to make more actual substantial posts soon. Nostalgia is a silent killer, I feel like.

For the past few days it's been getting so much worse. I'm so numb and I'm overwhelmed with all of my regrets and loneliness.

I feel like I've wasted my whole life. I'm 26 now and I feel like it's too cringy for me to go to anime conventions or start into cosplay again or the creative sphere that I used to be passionate about. I feel like I'm past my prime to be going out clubbing and getting drunk and having a good time. I missed the opportunity to join a sorority and secure friends for life. I can't start watching new shows again because I feel like I'm too old to still be a fan, or even if I was I wouldn't be able to interact with anyone about it and then all the emotions from being moved by something have no where to go and I'm reminded again of my loneliness. Every post I see on social media is from someone I used to consider a close friend getting married and seeing all of the invitees being people I know too just sucks. I just feel like I'm the only one getting left behind and everyone else has someone they can talk to consistently, or has someone that knows every little detail about them. I don't.

My brain has been hyper focusing on how lonely I am. I wake up and I start crying thinking about how I have no one to talk to. I'll be forgotten about completely when I die. Im hoping before that that I can try to contribute and make an impact here somehow, to finally find a community that I can support and that can support me back. So that when I'm gone I'll have someone that says they actually enjoyed having me around, or that I had some sort of impact on them. Thank you to everyone who commented on my introductory post. I know that the purpose of this forum isn't really to make friends, but I feel like the prospect of making connections here is also helping me from spiraling too much harder.

♡Dahlia

Hi Dahlia,
A very warm welcome to SaSu
It's sad to see that life has brought you here.
But don't worry, you are home.
This community is full of loving and supportive people who are there for you to listen to you without any judgement. I come to SaSu whenever I'm bent upon doing CTB, but every time the love and support that I get actually stops me from going paranoid and thinking of CTB. I have become much calmer now. Last week, I was in extreme distress.
And feel free to make friends here. I have made a few friends in just a week's time. And it's lovely to talk to them.
So, in this community, you are not alone.
Everyone's here to listen to you, to support you.
God bless you
Have a lovely stay here on SaSu
And a lil piece of advice for a happy life: follow your heart, do what it loves to do. Life's always gonna have something or the other that pisses us off, so while we are here on this planet, why not listen to the heart that keeps us alive and keeps us sensitive and warm.

 

[dahliadreamscape444]

Hi Dahlia I like your pfp, very cool (✿◠‿◠) I've felt some of the things you are feeling, it sucks Do you have an anime that really moved you? You don't have to answer if you don't feel like talking about it, i just wanted you to know somebody read what you wrote and was interested

Hi there! Thank you so much :3 I found it on Pinterest and it really spoke to me and luckily didn't seem like AI. I hope to maybe replace it sometime if I can make my own piece of vent art I feel is pretty
I'm sorry that you can also relate to some of these emotions, but I'm glad we can relate to each other!
My favorite anime of all time is Inuyasha! I've watched it over and over again probably about 5 or 6 times total since I first watched it was I was 13. I know they made a sequel but I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it yet. I struggle now with letting myself just enjoy things because I feel like I need to invest my full attention or be in the proper mindset for something. I haven't sat down and watched an anime in years because of this, but last I did watch I was in the middle of City Hunter from the 80's, I tend to enjoy older stuff :3 also Clannad was actually my first anime and still traumatizes me to this day lol (in more of a lighthearted way haha). How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!!
I can't thank you enough not just for reading my post but taking the time to interact with me. I appreciate you so much ♡

Hi Dahlia,
A very warm welcome to SaSu
It's sad to see that life has brought you here.
But don't worry, you are home.
This community is full of loving and supportive people who are there for you to listen to you without any judgement. I come to SaSu whenever I'm bent upon doing CTB, but every time the love and support that I get actually stops me from going paranoid and thinking of CTB. I have become much calmer now. Last week, I was in extreme distress.
And feel free to make friends here. I have made a few friends in just a week's time. And it's lovely to talk to them.
So, in this community, you are not alone.
Everyone's here to listen to you, to support you.
God bless you
Have a lovely stay here on SaSu
And a lil piece of advice for a happy life: follow your heart, do what it loves to do. Life's always gonna have something or the other that pisses us off, so while we are here on this planet, why not listen to the heart that keeps us alive and keeps us sensitive and warm.

Thank you so much for all your warmth and welcomes. I've always struggled hard with maintaining and making connections so I hope maybe since I'm here with more likeminded people it will make things easier :) your words make me feel less alone and I appreciate you so much♡

 

[Gloomic]

I don't mean to offend, but I wanted to put my opinion on this. It seems like you're going through a normal process of aging, the feeling that you have missed out on youth. I must assure you that that feeling is usually stemmed from social pressure to be young, which can be flawed because the young they refer to can be predatory. In fact, there are plenty of people in their 30's who go out clubbing to get wasted, anime conventions, or just binge watch anime. You're not even 30 yet. You are still young and honestly, go out and do it even if it feels like a humiliation ritual the first few times. I think when you get your foot out there, you'll start caring less about what others think, and finally start having a good time on your own and find other people to talk to in the process.

 

[dahliadreamscape444]

I don't mean to offend, but I wanted to put my opinion on this. It seems like you're going through a normal process of aging, the feeling that you have missed out on youth. I must assure you that that feeling is usually stemmed from social pressure to be young, which can be flawed because the young they refer to can be predatory. In fact, there are plenty of people in their 30's who go out clubbing to get wasted, anime conventions, or just binge watch anime. You're not even 30 yet. You are still young and honestly, go out and do it even if it feels like a humiliation ritual the first few times. I think when you get your foot out there, you'll start caring less about what others think, and finally start having a good time on your own and find other people to talk to in the process.

hi there! You're not offending at all! I appreciate all perspectives and I honestly totally agree with everything you're saying. Part of my issue is I'm so hyper self aware that this isn't just a "me" issue, and that plenty of people my age and older are doing the things I desperately want to do. It's like I have a mental block that stops me from allowing to enjoy these things. I get jealous seeing other people my age and younger doing things I love, or excelling at them. I have this (I know irrational and unjustified) fear in the back of my mind that me doing those same things = bad and no one's going to love and appreciate it in the same way because I'm not like 19 or 20 anymore. I'm very well aware that many of these issues would be solved if I forced myself out, and that any counter arguments I have can be answered with "you won't know until you try". Unfortunately it's like my brain has decided it does already know. It's something I try to work on, but also a reason why I'm so miserable. I constantly put myself down when things don't go perfect. And I know that's wrong. I just can't help it. Sorry to go on another bit of a small rant in my reply to this! Like I originally stated I do appreciate and consider the perspective you provided me, and it does help when I hear people telling me my brain is wrong. I just wish I could truly convince myself the same. Thank you for taking the time to even comment for me ♡

 

[ctb_warrior]

Hi there! Thank you so much :3 I found it on Pinterest and it really spoke to me and luckily didn't seem like AI. I hope to maybe replace it sometime if I can make my own piece of vent art I feel is pretty
I'm sorry that you can also relate to some of these emotions, but I'm glad we can relate to each other!
My favorite anime of all time is Inuyasha! I've watched it over and over again probably about 5 or 6 times total since I first watched it was I was 13. I know they made a sequel but I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it yet. I struggle now with letting myself just enjoy things because I feel like I need to invest my full attention or be in the proper mindset for something. I haven't sat down and watched an anime in years because of this, but last I did watch I was in the middle of City Hunter from the 80's, I tend to enjoy older stuff :3 also Clannad was actually my first anime and still traumatizes me to this day lol (in more of a lighthearted way haha). How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!!
I can't thank you enough not just for reading my post but taking the time to interact with me. I appreciate you so much ♡

Thank you so much for all your warmth and welcomes. I've always struggled hard with maintaining and making connections so I hope maybe since I'm here with more likeminded people it will make things easier :) your words make me feel less alone and I appreciate you so much♡

It's my pleasure here you'll have no difficulty in making connections, as we are all sailing in the same boat. So, mostly you'll come across like minded people. However, exercise caution when you talk in personal chat. Maintain anonymity, as you never know the person talking to you is actually a CTBer or someone who may put you in trouble. Never give away your socials or identifiable details. If you need to connect with someone outside SaSu, use apps that maintain your anonymity.

 

[MeSauce]

Hi there! Thank you so much :3 I found it on Pinterest and it really spoke to me and luckily didn't seem like AI. I hope to maybe replace it sometime if I can make my own piece of vent art I feel is pretty
I'm sorry that you can also relate to some of these emotions, but I'm glad we can relate to each other!
My favorite anime of all time is Inuyasha! I've watched it over and over again probably about 5 or 6 times total since I first watched it was I was 13. I know they made a sequel but I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it yet. I struggle now with letting myself just enjoy things because I feel like I need to invest my full attention or be in the proper mindset for something. I haven't sat down and watched an anime in years because of this, but last I did watch I was in the middle of City Hunter from the 80's, I tend to enjoy older stuff :3 also Clannad was actually my first anime and still traumatizes me to this day lol (in more of a lighthearted way haha). How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!!
I can't thank you enough not just for reading my post but taking the time to interact with me. I appreciate you so much ♡

Thank you so much for all your warmth and welcomes. I've always struggled hard with maintaining and making connections so I hope maybe since I'm here with more likeminded people it will make things easier :) your words make me feel less alone and I appreciate you so much♡

Inuyasha gives me demon slayer vibes. my fav anime is Neon Genesis Evangelion, just because it deals with very human stuff imo.