Discussion Dose anyone else fantasize about being kidnapped, raped, and murdered?

[greenpictureframe]

I have fantasized or wished to be beat up to the point of death. I imagine the pain and damage it would bring to me and for some reason the thought of it relaxes me. In my case I feel like the fantasy comes from quite deep self hatred - that I want to see myself suffer and in pain.

 

[ENDFINITY]

Yep, I do fantasize about being raped by Transgender.

 

[404]

i always think about someone (specifically my closest friend) using me for their happiness and pleasure

i want to make someone happy even if it meant getting hurt/killed since i feel like i have done something good in my entire life

plus i would much rather be used like that by my friend instead of him leaving me

i can tolerate being abused than being alone anyway

(also if i was in a situation where a person is planning to kidnap/rape me they would most likely choose another person because i look too horrible for them)

 

[GettingOut]

I don't know what is wrong with me but the whole point is to be more traumatized, I WANT to suffer and hurt both mentally and physically.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you Thank you for having the courage to write this. I thought I was the only one fighting these feelings.

In high school, I was taken advantage of by friends who forced sexual acts on me. As a adult, I fantasise about men forcing themselves on me, doing exactly the same degrading things that were done to me earlier in life. It has become an alternate personality that I lock away, but it emerges when I'm depressed and alobe. Think this might contribute to my sexually intrusive thoughts.

I'd pay to be the next person to die in a crime, natural disaster or accident in exchange for someone who actually wants to live, who is innocent, who deserves life.

i want to make someone happy even if it meant getting hurt/killed since i feel like i have done something good in my entire life

plus i would much rather be used like that by my friend instead of him leaving me

i can tolerate being abused than being alone anyway

This exactly how I feel. I'd rather be used to give someone pleasure than just being forgotten. But I know the thinking isn't healthy.

Always dreamt of having a wife and kids, but life didn't work out that way. With every passing day, the bus is getting closer for me.

 

[ANONYMOUSM]

i have thought of getting murdered to make my death easier kidnapped or raped? no

 

[alonely]

I (cis female) have had fantasies of being raped since I was young, since I was prob 11-12 ish. No history of sexual trauma or sexual abuse.

I sometimes have fantasies of being murdered by a stranger by gun, like in a mass shooting / hostage situation kind of way.

No fantasies of being kidnapped. Maybe I had those as a kid but I don't really remember. Was more on the side of wishing to be taken away by CPS.

 

[tora]

I would never want to be kidnapped or raped, those are the worst two things that could ever happen to a person. but I fantasize about being murdered all the time. whenever I'm at work I daydream about a shooter coming in with a gun, but instead of hiding I'd run at them so that they would shoot me. I get so jealous when reading stories about shootings because I wish it would happen somewhere I am

 

[Amelie]

I wouldn't mind being murdered in the sense of being caught up in a terrorist attack

 

[bunnyswatership]

This is a really loaded question. Short answer: yes, since I wouldn't have to feel guilty about doing the killing myself. Long answer...I think as a fantasy a lot.

 

[tiyijinn]

No, I absolutely do not (other than only being murdered). That is... heavy. There's lots of people here who think they deserve an awful death, and I think that's really sad. I don't think a single person should have such a horrible death.

 

[puppy_lix]

Thing is, I have been raped before, by my uncle when I was around 6. I don't know what is wrong with me but the whole point is to be more traumatized, I WANT to suffer and hurt both mentally and physically. I just don't deserve a peaceful death.

I'm sorry I'm late! Are you saying you deserve to suffer mentally and physically? Do you think that because of what your uncle did?

I got raped before my most recent assault, but I thought it wasn't anything because he was my first time and we were dating. After that, I forced myself to have sex with random people since I struggled with understanding what the point of sex was and why some people were so eager to do it- why that first boyfriend was so desperate. I also did it because I wanted to feel a sense of control. Like I put myself in this situation. X person didn't. I knew this would happen. After every encounter I had though, I always felt so disgusting because I chose to let someone use and see me as a piece of meat. Whenever I would start feeling shitty about it, I would hold myself accountable because I let it happen. I didn't protest, so I "deserved it". But when I did speak up- talking about my assault- the guy just did what he wanted. It reinforced the idea in my head that "I was worthless" and "deserved it".

The truth is, that's not the case. It's something that I learned from a young age when no one would care for me or take me into consideration. It's an assumption I made based on what happened to me externally. Just because you get treated like shit doesn't mean you deserve it. People do what they want selfishly 9 times out of 10. I had to go to the mental hospital earlier this year to understand that my life does matter. I don't exist for others. I exist- yeah because my parents did the nasty, but- I exist! I'm living my life. I have myself at the end of the day and at the beginning of each new one. Why should I give that much power to someone who never cared about me? Why should I treat myself the way they treated me? Am I making sense? (genuine!!)

I am by no means perfect. I still cringed as I typed out "my life does matter". And maybe what I'm saying sounds like complete bs, but I am genuinely taking back control little-by-little each time I say and show myself that. I like to tell myself to be a better person to the little me that got hurt. Will I continue to neglect them even after knowing how hard they're trying to stay alive? Or would I try acknowledging them and make steps to make that kid feel safe and loved? Try to give yourself what younger you missed or never got- whether it be playing with finger paint or bundling up in a pillow fort as you watch nostalgic movies. Give that kid space to grow and become comfortable with the bigger you. After all, you guys are the same person. <33

I hope some part of this helps :,))

 

[Bobbylobby]

It's not even just a fantasy, I purposely dress attractively and go for walks alone at night hoping someone will take advantage of me.

I have to admit that I do this too, as a guy I don't really fantasize about the rape part but I do fantasize about being tortured and killed. Sometimes I'll go out at night for hours and walk down secluded back roads hoping but it never happens

 

[SpiderLink]

I have fantasized or wished to be beat up to the point of death. I imagine the pain and damage it would bring to me and for some reason the thought of it relaxes me. In my case I feel like the fantasy comes from quite deep self hatred - that I want to see myself suffer and in pain.

Sometimes, I guess to have more of a reason to take my life.

 

[Thanatos]

I knew a girl that did the same so you definitely aren't the only one.

 

[murmur]

I wasnt really serious about it but i fantasized about being kidnapped a lot when i was a kid, probably cause i was neglected at home, I just wanted any excuse for someone to take me, and take care of me lol.

 

[brokeandbroken]

It's not even just a fantasy, I purposely dress attractively and go for walks alone at night hoping someone will take advantage of me.

Literally never. For me suicide represents an escape from my suffering. I don't want to add to it. If someone's going to murder me I want to look them in the eyes as they do it and have it be done quickly.

 

[trashprincess]

It's one of the few things I still look forward to...

 

[John Ryder]

It's one of the few things I still look forward to...

she/slur lmao

 

[Gaga786]

I was mugged 5 years ago, and I think I could have just let the robber shoot me, I could have easily reached his gun and fought him. I sort of imagine happening to me again and this time doing that, despite knowing its not a safe method.. Although, I wasn't that chronically suicidal at that point, it would saved me the suffering that I have prolonged all this time by being alive.

 

[ChronicPain23]

It's easy to get shot in South American countries. E.g. in Brazil/Colombia/Mexico.
Very dangerous countries.

 

[Touhou]

By a futanari Hong Meiling? Absolutely!

 

[tabby]

Definitely. when I was 16, I went home with a 43 year old creepy ex-marine in hopes that it would end tragically and it almost did. I was stalked constantly after that and it made me completely paranoid, almost to the point where I considered asking him to just kill me, but I'm under the impression that he only had sex on his mind so I would've escaped having been raped but not killed.

 

[iwanttoleave2000]

And give someone else a trauma they will never recover from? That's just sick. You want to ctb, don't drag someone else with you.

Not their fault that the government forces people to resort to desperate measures.

Tiresome how the blame of traumatizing people is always shifted onto people who CTB rather than governments who refuse people the right to die peacefully, cleanly and consensually with euthanasia. Effectively forcing people to CTB in ways that traumatize witnesses.

 

[tpboy]

Most cops walk around dreaming about getting to shoot someone. You would make their day.

 

[Dark Window]

It's not even just a fantasy, I purposely dress attractively and go for walks alone at night hoping someone will take advantage of me.

Be careful. The reality may be very different from the fantasy.

The guy who does it could be ugly lol

 

[SexyIncél]

Be careful. The reality may be very different from the fantasy.

Yes, the trick is to have someone skilled simulate it. It's performance art. (And apparently there's a dom job shortage; the demand outstrips supply)

For example, one difference: the skilled performance artist will turn on a dime, when you ask him to become gentle. Even keeping persona, saying something ironic like "Awww, don't wanna break this l'il girl (yet). Here, get in my arms, maybe I'll massage one o' these bruises". Or simply stopping the performance & asking "Heyyy... are you ok?"

Consider Umberto Eco's hyperreality: fabricating & amplifying experiences to be more real than reality itself. More intense & cohesive than messy reality. A real r*pist won't be eloquent, calling you all the names you secretly wanna hear. Or punishing you for past transgressions you're guilty about

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've had those types of fantasies before. I'm not proud of it. I still find myself wishing for that to happen to me sometimes. I remember spending my time, during part of suspension, putting on a skirt and walking around downtown and sometimes going to a more dangerous part of the city hoping those things would happen to me.

 

[sserafim]

Yes by @dödsängel lol

 

[4am]

only about the third thing

 

[feverinjection]

absolutely. and I feel the strongest guilt about it. Sometimes the images flash in my brain, and I cringe up and have a panic attack. Other times, it's a genuine fantasy and I end up feeling the guilt later. Either way, there's guilt. As though I could control it, and I'm faking it.

I don't really know where or how it started either, to be honest. It's as though im SO afraid of it, that I feel like im manifesting it into happening and there's absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it and it WILL happen to me regardless of my efforts.