Don't Know What I Expect From Others

[KafkaF]

If I had a handgun I'd end it tonight. I don't and my chosen method isn't ready yet.

But anyway, I posted that online somewhere. Got s heart emoji in response by someone. It did nothing for me and it made me start to think about it.

I reach out a lot. Mostly online but also to mental health services sometimes. I make posts like this or the countless others I've made on this forum. But why? What the hell am I expecting anyone else to do or say?

I feel like there's nothing anyone could say that would make anything better, except maybe for one person who won't. So why do I keep making stupid posts like this? What's wrong with me? Why don't I just end it?

 

[Life_and_Death]

just taking a guess from personal experience, youre hoping for at least a small tug on the rope youre desperately holding on to.
(i do find it interesting when someone posts in either suicide discussion or recovery. it seems to kinda show what they hope for/where they stand)

 

[parallelluniverse]

If I had a handgun I'd end it tonight. I don't and my chosen method isn't ready yet.

But anyway, I posted that online somewhere. Got s heart emoji in response by someone. It did nothing for me and it made me start to think about it.

I reach out a lot. Mostly online but also to mental health services sometimes. I make posts like this or the countless others I've made on this forum. But why? What the hell am I expecting anyone else to do or say?

I feel like there's nothing anyone could say that would make anything better, except maybe for one person who won't. So why do I keep making stupid posts like this? What's wrong with me? Why don't I just end it?

what do you talk about when you reach out?

 

[KafkaF]

what do you talk about when you reach out?

Depends on the situation, who and when I'm reaching out.

I think, after having thought about it for longer, that what I'm WISHING is that someone else has some kind of answer. Some collection of words that will make me feel better or some thing I could do to improve things and make things better. Some secret sauce to life, basically. I think that's what part of me hopes every time I reach out.

But each time I am confronted with the fact that there is really nothing anyone can say that would make things better. There is no solution to my problems. There's only the choice of suffering or death for me.

 

[parallelluniverse]

Enlightenment often is a process of seeking out the light where darkness is prevailing isn't it? I too look for the secret sauce (not just talking about my pizza obsession here)... have you ever tried making any?

Depends, I think if the right person knew enough about your problems they might have lots of helpful things to say... that doesn't sound like Joe Bloggs though, or any old Jane Doe you come across in the street... x

 

[KafkaF]

Enlightenment often is a process of seeking out the light where darkness is prevailing isn't it? I too look for the secret sauce (not just talking about my pizza obsession here)... have you ever tried making any?

Depends, I think if the right person knew enough about your problems they might have lots of helpful things to say... that doesn't sound like Joe Bloggs though, or any old Jane Doe you come across in the street... x

See, this is where metaphors break down... There's no making this. Sometimes there just isn't a solution to a problem. Sometimes there is no way to feel better, unfortunately. As for "making it myself" if I knew how to solve my problems and feel better I would've done that already.

As for the rest, over 10 years of therapy. Like 5 different psychologists and a psychiatrist. Two different doctors. My family. Several different people at the helpline. A philosopher. Friends (sort of). Random people on Reddit. I've reached out to a great variety of people. I have yet to find any way out of my current situation. Probably cuz there isn't one other than ending it.

 

[parallelluniverse]

yeah thats true... but making a 'solution sauce' is what it is... right>

what's your situation? iif you dont me asking of course? x i mean like, do you want to change it as well?
#

 

[KafkaF]

yeah thats true... but making a 'solution sauce' is what it is... right>

what's your situation? iif you dont me asking of course? x i mean like, do you want to change it as well?
#

What's the point of getting into it? You're not going to be able to say anything helpful either. No offense.

 

[lita-lassi]

it sounds like your too worn down by depression and hopelessness and pretty bent on refusing any solution ot respite tbh

 

[KafkaF]

it sounds like your too worn down by depression and hopelessness and pretty bent on refusing any solution ot respite tbh

Or it's exactly what I said and nobody has been able to offer a solution or words I found comforting.

Just for the record, invalidating people's beliefs, especially when you know less than nothing about them, is generally not helpful.

 

[lita-lassi]

Or nobody has been able to offer a solution.

Just for the record, invalidating people's beliefs, especially when you know less than nothing about them, is generally not helpful.

i didnt invalidate anything, thats just what youre saying/sounding like. it really just sounds like youre refusing/insulting anything offered while simultaneously begging. im sorry that youre in pain but youre also in the toxic pain area where you just told someone else they wouldnt be able to help despite making a thread about asking for help then refusing to give a description which they could then use to try and give helpful information with. or the thread is just to say you refuse help no matter what. idk. there isnt a magical solution. im sorry. i dont know what else to say other than most people are really just not trained on how to help mental health situations so expecting unprofessional strangers on forums to offer up a perfect solution is a pretty great way to keep feeling hopeless and shitty.

 

[parallelluniverse]

What's the point of getting into it? You're not going to be able to say anything helpful either. No offense.

depends, if you dont want help
maybe, you have destined yourself to help yourself... you are then your own responsiblity... always...
perhaps you are your own saviour in this performance that is your life
perhaps it is the characther deep down you feel you must play

 

[lita-lassi]

i didnt intend to sound shitty and i do apologize btw. it really does suck that you've not found anything helpful with professionals. i wish i knew what perfect words to say but like you said, no one can.