Discussion Does our decision to ctb truly *ruin* the lives of our families and friends?

[Electronic Music]

I hear this a lot, and I'm not a saint nor a perfect person, but I really don't like to hurt people if I can help it. I'm sure most of us don't, and as I've titled this thread and thought about that sentence more and more, the notion really started bothering me. I wanted to ask all you lovely people who have had the experience; do you think killing yourself will actually destroy the lives of your loved ones?

I know a lot of people in this community sadly have been closer to death than ideal. From those here just wanting to move on, to those with a loved one of theirs that decided to ctb and are now residing here, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!


...otherwise if you're just browsing, feel free to post some music :)

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

who cares about family and friends if you want to complete ctb …. You don't have to complete ctb wondering what other people might feel, you will be doing it for yourself…. And tbh most people just care about themselves… I heard someone who constantly calls his friends names behind their backs and I'm here thinking oh how wonderful yeah "friends" for sure… if someone is willing call his own wife names then what is a friend…. I know someone who always claimed I'm their best friend and yes always slandering my name to anyone that could hear…. I guess some people are just obsessed with the word "friend"…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The real impact on family and friends is surely different from case to case. If someone doesn't have strong family ties or no family behind them at all, then it is probably easier, but if it's the other way round, strong family ties, caring family, and real friends, then for those it'll be much harder.

It would be better if there was no such ignorance about CTB out there. I'm pretty sure that each individual does not decide to CTB from one second to the other, it's a very long process of suffering and agony behind them, what leads them to their final decision.

 

[PinkMeow]

It will be painful for them for a while, but eventually they will forget about us and continue living... Remembering us only on the date of death/birthday

 

[Vizzy]

I hear this a lot, and I'm not a saint nor a perfect person, but I really don't like to hurt people if I can help it. I'm sure most of us don't, and as I've titled this thread and thought about that sentence more and more, the notion really started bothering me. I wanted to ask all you lovely people who have had the experience; do you think killing yourself will actually destroy the lives of your loved ones?

I know a lot of people in this community sadly have been closer to death than ideal. From those here just wanting to move on, to those with a loved one of theirs that decided to ctb and are now residing here, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!


...otherwise if you're just browsing, feel free to post some music :)

Yes friends and family will be hurt but it ain't gonna destroy their lives, everyone gonna move on with their life including your parents but they won't forget you

Your friends will forget you after some years because they have their own stuffs to take care, your parents will remember you once in a while if they have other kids to take care but if you are only one kid to your parents they gonna remember you all the times so it depends on the situation!

 

[whatevs]

It depends how close you are to them, how long they've known you are unhappy and how resilient they are. It has a good chance to knock someone out for a while and leave a permanent wound, but these factors will determine whether that happens or not.

Clarification re how long you've droned on about your misery and suicide: in psychology its known that repetition causes habituation and therefore takes the edge off from traumatic experiences. A relatively unexpected suicide is obviously more traumatic.

 

[brokeandbroken]

To be honest I'm convinced my biological "family" would either celebrate my death or just not care. There isn't a shred of belief that they would be heartbroken, sad, or otherwise. I really don't have friends. At the shelter I'm at i think it would be more annoying and work to deal with but on a personal level they wouldn't care. And I have no friends some work contacts at the job I started 2 weeks ago... I think they may be confused more than anything.

In sum happy, indifferent, inconvenient, and confused. Sad or heartbroken not even a little bit. Ruin not even on the same planet. In all honesty theres often talked about guilt when people with chronic diseases such as cancer die that they feel relief if they were the caregiver. While I dont have a caregiver really I think that would be the emotion felt. Which is sad because it's kind of an earned feeling that they havent come close to sniffing.

 

[Kasumi]

Most people just say that to stop you, you're not actually "ruining" anyones lives, unless perhaps you have a very close friend / husband / wife / partner, that heavily depends on you.
But outside of special circumstances, no, you won't ruin anyones life.
Your parents learned to let you go when you moved out, they have each other, or have other family and friends.
Same for your friends, it's normal that people come and go throughout our lives, and we learn to live with it.

 

[LittleJem]

To be honest I'm convinced my biological "family" would either celebrate my death or just not care. There isn't a shred of belief that they would be heartbroken, sad, or otherwise. I really don't have friends. At the shelter I'm at i think it would be more annoying and work to deal with but on a personal level they wouldn't care. And I have no friends some work contacts at the job I started 2 weeks ago... I think they may be confused more than anything.

Seven people have ended it in my temporary accommodation in the last two years. I don't know how long I will keep suffering but if I do go, my accommodation is perfect as they are used to dealing with it. And I'm sure don't care either. As long as they get paid for their cockroach-infested lodgings.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Seven people have ended it in my temporary accommodation in the last two years. I don't know how long I will keep suffering but if I do go, my accommodation is perfect as they are used to dealing with it. And I'm sure don't care either. As long as they get paid for their cockroach-infested lodgings.

Ehh the individual has expressed on multiple occasions if I want to talk and that sort of thing she's available and the others here are I'm similar position. In other words she has shown she cares.

Which means:

1 she does care. Though I honestly just don't have the confidence to think this is true. I dont think people are capable of caring about me. In the cases people do I think theres ulterior motives generally in that im just a number basically. She did intimate if something were to happen it is expensive... So it kind of lessens the likelihood here.
2 It's inconvenient/expensive etc...
3 She doesn't care whatsoever. Given the evidence I'm assuming she does care she seems like she does. Whether it is one or two or some combination thereof i don't know.

 

[The anhedonic one]

It will be painful for them for a while, but eventually they will forget about us and continue living... Remembering us only on the date of death/birthday

Yes. Humans are very adaptable. Even to things like the suicide of a loved one.

 

[enviro400mmc]

Ngl pretty worried about my parents, everyone else will get over it eventually but I do worry about how my parents will be affected and it's pretty unlucky because they've been through enough shit in their lives and really don't deserve to have their son kill himself.

That being said I stuck at dealing with adversity so I think I underestimate how good others are at dealing with it.

 

[dreamist]

It probably will and I'm probably a selfish person for that. But if I were to go about cbt then it's not like I'll be around to see all of that, anyways.

 

[neveragreedtothis]

parents will be 'sad' because they lost their mini-me legacy/retirement plan/abuse punch bag

friends might be genuinely sad but they'll get over it like a normal grieving

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that other people's reactions to our death could never really matter to any of us as we simply won't be there at that point. The non-existent have no concerns, no worries and nothing can burden them, they are free from the prison that is consciousness. Grief and loss are just inevitable as long as one exists here, we all have to die someday and we all very likely eventually won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here.

And if people are upset by someone's suicide until they inevitably die themselves that doesn't take away the fact that suicide is a human right, none of us are obligated to delay the inevitable and suffer in the process, the cruel and insensitive thing would be to instead try and force someone else to continue existing against their wishes. Those who are left behind should just be relieved that the person is gone is free from all future harms, where they are now incapable of suffering for all eternity.

 

[Torabol]

It depends on your friends and family. Some families who don't really care will be just fine, some families that are very tight knit will be facing challenges permanently. This isn't a platitude to make you feel bad about wanting to CTB, that's none of my business. Reality isn't black and white, and those guaranteeing your family will move on or your family won't move on are both likely wrong.

 

[SpiderLink]

I hear this a lot, and I'm not a saint nor a perfect person, but I really don't like to hurt people if I can help it. I'm sure most of us don't, and as I've titled this thread and thought about that sentence more and more, the notion really started bothering me. I wanted to ask all you lovely people who have had the experience; do you think killing yourself will actually destroy the lives of your loved ones?

I know a lot of people in this community sadly have been closer to death than ideal. From those here just wanting to move on, to those with a loved one of theirs that decided to ctb and are now residing here, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!


...otherwise if you're just browsing, feel free to post some music :)

I hope it won't affect them. I know it will, but not to the point where their life falls apart. I try not to think about it. I don't want to hurt them; and I hope they'll know that

 

[DazaiKinnie]

I hear this a lot, and I'm not a saint nor a perfect person, but I really don't like to hurt people if I can help it. I'm sure most of us don't, and as I've titled this thread and thought about that sentence more and more, the notion really started bothering me. I wanted to ask all you lovely people who have had the experience; do you think killing yourself will actually destroy the lives of your loved ones?

I know a lot of people in this community sadly have been closer to death than ideal. From those here just wanting to move on, to those with a loved one of theirs that decided to ctb and are now residing here, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!


...otherwise if you're just browsing, feel free to post some music :)

Yes, it will cause damage but it will be gone in a few years. If we continue to live just for their sake, our misery will just increase.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it would be naive to think it won't affect some people deeply. It's hard to tell though really. It likely depends on the person. I expect many of us have experienced very traumatic things in life. I lost my Mum to cancer when I was 3. Did it ruin my life- not entirely I suppose but it affected me deeply. I suspect it would have been a whole lot worse if it had been suicide to be honest. Some people will let things destroy their life, others won't. It does seem to depend on the person and their perspective on life.

From my perspective- I'm trying to hang on until the one last person I believe it would affect deeply is gone- my Dad. After that- it's only distant family and distant friends left for me. Some I haven't seen in years- even decades. I'm hoping that distance and time will help. I don't know- there's still people I worry about. I mull over each day what I could put in a note to try and make it make sense to them.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It could. It has. Very case-by-case. You can go seek out tales of bereavement if you want to see potential impact. We need to be honest about the effects of our actions instead of engaging in rationalization.

 

[Electronic Music]

Sorry to respond so late to this thread, but thanks for your input everyone, I appreciate reading the different perspectives on the matter.

Ngl pretty worried about my parents, everyone else will get over it eventually but I do worry about how my parents will be affected and it's pretty unlucky because they've been through enough shit in their lives and really don't deserve to have their son kill himself.

That being said I stuck at dealing with adversity so I think I underestimate how good others are at dealing with it.

I relate really heavy here, sorry to hear you feel similarly.

I hope it won't affect them. I know it will, but not to the point where their life falls apart. I try not to think about it. I don't want to hurt them; and I hope they'll know that

Yeah, inevitable:/

Yes friends and family will be hurt but it ain't gonna destroy their lives, everyone gonna move on with their life including your parents but they won't forget you

Your friends will forget you after some years because they have their own stuffs to take care, your parents will remember you once in a while if they have other kids to take care but if you are only one kid to your parents they gonna remember you all the times so it depends on the situation!

I truly, truly, truly, hope this is even remotely close to true, that'd be very reliving. Of course there is no way to know the outcome prior to it happening, but the hope is there at the very least.

Thank you all again~ <3

 

[SexyIncél]

do you think killing yourself will actually destroy the lives of your loved ones?

Well, I promise them: just wait, life will get better. It's what you make of it. There's many people worse off. They should just go out, breathe some fresh air

Sometimes, they just need a smile

Why don't they seek professional help and get therapy? Because life's all about perspectives; they'll get over it. They just need to keep a positive mental attitude. And learn coping skills. Help is available

Frankly, I wonder if they're saying this for attention. A sign of mental illness. If other families can get through this, why can't they?

Life is just unfair, and we all have problems. That's just life!

And if they can't deal with that, they're being really controlling. Don't they know that? At the very least, they're not trying hard enough. Just being selfish, and lazy. Other people have gone through worse, and didn't get ruined. It won't always be like this

They should realize: these things happen for a reason. Pain has a purpose. If they just get through it, they'll come out stronger!

 

[Little_Suzy]

You are mentioned in the family group text chat twice a year. Your death anniversary and the day you would have celebrated another birthday. Because my family does not discriminate against ctb, my name will be included. On your birthday, my aunt will also create a photo collage of you.

 

[DeathSleep]

I've distanced myself enough from friends that they may shed some tears but they'll be alright. My family will be fine because they want nothing to do with me anyways. I daresay I won't "ruin" anyone's life. I only worry about my therapist. She is rather invested in my well being. I may leave a note for her.

 

[charlotte_]

No, it has nothing to do with them. Our lives is ours, so why is it their problems ours to take care of? We didn't intend to harm them in any ways, they're still well and fine after we died. Sure, it affects them mentally, but life goes on and eventually everyone has to move on if they want to live.

 

[bronchitisguy96]

no. if one single person in my family gave a fuck about me i wouldn't be in this boat

 

[Electronic Music]

no. if one single person in my family gave a fuck about me i wouldn't be in this boat

Much love friend <3

 

[Mäximum]

Yes, they will definitely be hurt. But I don't really care anymore, as it is my choice and in the end, they have no other option than to accept it.

 

[Electronic Music]

Yes, they will definitely be hurt. But I don't really care anymore, as it is my choice and in the end, they have no other option than to accept it.

I really want to have this viewpoint as well, but I cant seem to. Just makes me feel so guilty, but on the other hand I feel I deserve to have a say in how I spend my next 50+ years. Idk, pretty torn.

 

[l4dybug]

I hear this a lot, and I'm not a saint nor a perfect person, but I really don't like to hurt people if I can help it. I'm sure most of us don't, and as I've titled this thread and thought about that sentence more and more, the notion really started bothering me. I wanted to ask all you lovely people who have had the experience; do you think killing yourself will actually destroy the lives of your loved ones?

I know a lot of people in this community sadly have been closer to death than ideal. From those here just wanting to move on, to those with a loved one of theirs that decided to ctb and are now residing here, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!


...otherwise if you're just browsing, feel free to post some music :)

i think the easiest way to envision how they will feel is if you imagine how you would feel if you lost them. my heart aches for my little sisters who will have to grow up with me as but a bitter sweet memory but honestly my entire body and mind aches every single day that i'm alive and i honestly don't think i can hack it anymore. i'm aware it will hurt my entire family and my friends for a long long time as if i lost any of them it would burst a hole threw my heart but honestly this exhaustion it's way way too much, and it's never going to get better, i've been told that it would for 5 years yet here i still am.