Discussion Does our decision to ctb truly *ruin* the lives of our families and friends?

[agonysgrin]

It will be painful for them for a while, but eventually they will forget about us and continue living... Remembering us only on the date of death/birthday

Ive lost my guardian and kids dad to suicide, lots of my friends, lots of his friends, saw my parents get old and everyone they love die. I take it kind of like a person whose lived there while life's perspective. I've seen where I'll be I personally was forced to care for ppl who didn't even like me. I saw their dignity waning, and these were proud ppl. It sucks a lot of ppl cannot feel like they can discuss it with there families but I think it is definitely better not letting your loved ones go through he hell of watching you waste away or deal w multiple mental hospital or jail or rehab situations. I want noone to be a burden to no one anymore. I've seen what it does to family's and I'm sure they'd rather live there lives without the constant worry...the wait for the death. It changes ppl but they believe they have no other choice. But we have a choice not to put them through that, yes it hurts for a time but not seeing it is much better in my opinion

 

[Electronic Music]

Ive lost my guardian and kids dad to suicide, lots of my friends, lots of his friends, saw my parents get old and everyone they love die. I take it kind of like a person whose lived there while life's perspective. I've seen where I'll be I personally was forced to care for ppl who didn't even like me. I saw their dignity waning, and these were proud ppl. It sucks a lot of ppl cannot feel like they can discuss it with there families but I think it is definitely better not letting your loved ones go through he hell of watching you waste away or deal w multiple mental hospital or jail or rehab situations. I want noone to be a burden to no one anymore. I've seen what it does to family's and I'm sure they'd rather live there lives without the constant worry...the wait for the death. It changes ppl but they believe they have no other choice. But we have a choice not to put them through that, yes it hurts for a time but not seeing it is much better in my opinion

Thanks for sharing, I really want to agree with that sentiment. But at some point I have to draw the line between always thinking of others and making a choice for myself and my own well being. Truthfully its about damn time I do, so frustrating that it has to affect so many others, specifically those I genuinely care about.

i think the easiest way to envision how they will feel is if you imagine how you would feel if you lost them. my heart aches for my little sisters who will have to grow up with me as but a bitter sweet memory but honestly my entire body and mind aches every single day that i'm alive and i honestly don't think i can hack it anymore. i'm aware it will hurt my entire family and my friends for a long long time as if i lost any of them it would burst a hole threw my heart but honestly this exhaustion it's way way too much, and it's never going to get better, i've been told that it would for 5 years yet here i still am.

Yeah true, and I'd rather not just wait 10 years or something and become so calloused as to not care who I hurt anymore, which I am aware is an inevitability if I continue on. I appreciate your insight here, helps to hear from others <3

 

[ncmxm]

In my opinion only your parents will be sad and only if you're an only child, so you can only ruin your parents' lives if you're an only child
If they have other children especially more successful and well adjusted children they'll be fine after a while

Your friends relatives bfs gfs will be just fine after a while, your friends bfs gfs will find a replacement for you pretty soon imo

 

[macrocosm]

Yes of course people will feel very hurt: if a loved one dies don't people mourn? It's human nature.

I see stuff like this on here a lot, as if we should expect people to just be ok with death. I mean, in theory we all should be ok with death because it's a natural and normal part of life. But in reality it's not that way from an emotional and intrinsic lens.

Should you suffer for others? That's the real question, and there's no right answer. It's a personal choice, and it's neither wrong or right, nor good or bad.

Sucks but that's reality

 

[nureinFuchs]

Yes and no, most of the time families will go on with their lives, they may even carry sadness for the rest of their lives, but there are always families with problems among their members even before you leave for the CTB.

 

[Al Gul]

A bit drunk, so I haven't done more than try to skim the thread thoroughly. I hope that invites skepticism and not dismissal.

Sort of on the both sides of it. Close person to me caught the bus a few years back now, I think it was a few years back anyway, long term depression and ability to retain memory you know. Family was heavily distraught. It is, as many have said, very situational. It depends on both those suffering the loss and the one leaving. I also agree with the sentiment that we don't owe obligations to those who remain, at the same time, they're still going to be affected, can't quite forget that myself.

It was tough for me too, even though I loved that person thoroughly I absolutely respect their choice. All the regular stuff went through my brain, survivors guilt and bias. I will say this, if somebody loves you, they will have it with them for the rest of their life. Which is why I got pretty shut into my decision - one I had made a bit before but, the desire to die isn't just a willpower thing so it was still open. Afterwards? I've felt pretty shut.

My situation is mine though, and has a lot of factors I wont mention. But I can say this, time does change how one relates to it. Even if one has absolute panic attacks over what has occurred, one can place it in mental perspective. It gets easier, I guess? But, I wont lie to you and say it just gets forgotten.

 

[Electronic Music]

Yes of course people will feel very hurt: if a loved one dies don't people mourn? It's human nature.

I see stuff like this on here a lot, as if we should expect people to just be ok with death. I mean, in theory we all should be ok with death because it's a natural and normal part of life. But in reality it's not that way from an emotional and intrinsic lens.

Should you suffer for others? That's the real question, and there's no right answer. It's a personal choice, and it's neither wrong or right, nor good or bad.

Sucks but that's reality

I and the rest of the people behind these posts are well aware our loved ones will feel very hurt. I'm asking clarification with the common statement "suicide will ruin your family/friend's lives", and trying to gather around other people's perspectives. "Should you suffer for others" is really the same question we're discussing now haha.

But yeah as the topic is talked about and I think more on it as a whole, it seems to just be a situation that sucks a lot, and idk what to do.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I and the rest of the people behind these posts are well aware our loved ones will feel very hurt. I'm asking clarification with the common statement "suicide will ruin your family/friend's lives", and trying to gather around other people's perspectives. "Should you suffer for others" is really the same question we're discussing now haha.

But yeah as the topic is talked about and I think more on it as a whole, it seems to just be a situation that sucks a lot, and idk what to do.

You seem to have an obsession with "friends" and "family" for someone who wants to complete ctb… I hope you complete your ctb successfully …. Let me tell you a story …I know someone who claims he has a perfect family and yet he was living a "basement of some stranger" when his family was around and also his mum would call me to complain/bitch about him a lot until I told her to stop bringing their family issues/dramas to me and also his aunt who told me he was trouble him and his alcoholic brother ( and told me to stay away from him and his brothers) and his sister would say bad things about him to his other "friend" who told me then … The point I'm trying to make is some people always want to claim they have perfect families when they don't … and oh the second guy whose family kicked him out and he had to sleep on a couch on his "mate"'s house who told me he was a thieving addict …. And he was making up lies and stories after they fell out and his "mate" had to kick him out too… he always used to tell me how he resented his parents as well as his older brother etc for kicking him out … surely perfect family and friends "closet"… there is even an article online on this thieving addiction ( like what his mate had told me ) of stealing fuel at stations yes hahah it couldn't be me…… ( and these two uses to talk bad about each other to me the first claiming the second one ruined our "friendship" he seems to be obsessed with "friendships" hahaha and the second one claiming he would have never spoken to an ugly c(word) like him so all these "family" and "friendship " that you see are all fake .. there is even more that I could type especially on the first one who seem to be obsessed with having "friends" that he used to make fun of to me hahahahaha … So the point I'm trying to make is it's the world of fakeness and gossiping one another and I don't want to be part of it .. all I can do is laugh because I know and I do remember clearly what they used to say to me about each other hahaha…. Even the first guy was telling me that the second guy wasn't the guy on my level hahaha .. oh oh oh and yet they are friends "yes sure Jan" you would hold on to that friendship for someone who would call you a "baboon to me on different occasions " but then he called his other friend "bveni" to me so I guess birds of the same feather flock together ….I hope what I said will open your eyes just to see all these perfect "friendship" and "family" don't really exist especially for the "1st" person who seem to be so obsessed with "friendship"…. So I hope this makes you try to focus more on your end goal that is you completing your ctb on time… I wish you all the best in your successful completion..

 

[Electronic Music]

"You seem to have an obsession with "friends" and "family" for someone who wants to complete ctb… I hope you complete your ctb successfully …. Let me tell you a story …I know someone who claims he has a perfect family and yet he was living a "basement of some stranger" when his family was around and also his mum would call me to complain/bitch about him a lot until I told her to stop bringing their family issues/dramas to me (...)"

Just a couple examples of other people's experiences cant by itself shift my entire perspective on my situation, but I understand the point you're getting across. I do though appreciate the kind words you've said and the stories you've shared, but as it seems to continue the cycle you've found, I too don't believe my family or friends are near the level of those people's families/friends you've described.

I also would be hesitant to refer to my love of my family as an obsession, but that's just my opinion personally. I hope I'm successful too, failing would really muddle everything up, including relationships, nothing would be the same; essentially everything would be worse. We'll see, for the time being I'll keep my spirits as high as they know how to go, and hopefully help some others on my way out. Not much else to do haha.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Just a couple examples of other people's experiences cant by itself shift my entire perspective on my situation, but I understand the point you're getting across. I do though appreciate the kind words you've said and the stories you've shared, but as it seems to continue the cycle you've found, I too don't believe my family or friends are near the level of those people's families/friends you've described.

I also would be hesitant to refer to my love of my family as an obsession, but that's just my opinion personally. I hope I'm successful too, failing would really muddle everything up, including relationships, nothing would be the same; essentially everything would be worse. We'll see, for the time being I'll keep my spirits as high as they know how to go, and hopefully help some others on my way out. Not much else to do haha.

I'm talking about the obsession with mainly " friends" you mentioned friends and family in your thread title hence why I said why should you worry about family and friends if you are set on completing ctb?? Why would you mention about about friends and family unless if you care about them that much … It's just that your post reminded me of someone who is so desperate for acceptance from friends and family that all he does is monitor me hahaha… maybe it's because his mum and aunt talked bad about him to me so that's why when anyone mentions this "family" thing I don't really believe it and also him bitching about his "friends" to me… He is that fixated on me that even when I go to any website he is there, yeah sure Jan I can tell he is still jobless and this started when he couldn't do anything but be a hobosexual for 10 years until I helped him get his papers that he now at least can do something if it wasn't for me…. I hope my story makes sense to you and your get what you wish for…

 

[Electronic Music]

I'm talking about the obsession with mainly " friends" you mentioned friends and family in your thread title hence why I said why should you worry about family and friends if you are set on completing ctb?? Why would you mention about about friends and family unless if you care about them that much …

Friends and family can be considered something interchangeable for this discussion, sorry if that wasn't clear. That very question of 'why worry about them if youre gonna ctb' is the very one I'm trying to answer at this point. I'd prefer not to ruin the lives of the people closest to me, and if I could, I'd prefer not to care.

The sad reality is I absolutely care the emotional damage my ctb would cause them, and that for my parents specifically it would definitely damped their lives forever. As someone here said previously - there are no right answers.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Friends and family can be considered something interchangeable for this discussion, sorry if that wasn't clear. That very question of 'why worry about them if youre gonna ctb' is the very one I'm trying to answer at this point. I'd prefer not to ruin the lives of the people closest to me, and if I could, I'd prefer not to care.

The sad reality is I absolutely care the emotional damage my ctb would cause them, and that for my parents specifically it would definitely damped their lives forever. As someone here said previously - there are no right answers.

I understand, whatever you decide in the end… I hope it all goes well…

 

[Homo erectus]

If the world exists only in consciousness, then end of consciousness is also the end of the world, and everything in it, including all problems, and lives and sadness of family.

 

[Mthom2]

Don't let anyone guilt trip you. This is your life.

There's not a single person alive who can escape death. We're all going to die sooner or later. Ctb is merely grasping some small measure of control over timing. It's your choice how you want to live and die.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Hmm I worry about this/ was on my mind today. Maybe it wouldnt shock anyone in my life bc they know how I feel.

I'm worried itll make their own health journey worse and make them hesitant to connect with others. Trauma really can be a bitch so...

I dunno if only I could die and be instantly forgotten

 

[macrocosm]

I and the rest of the people behind these posts are well aware our loved ones will feel very hurt. I'm asking clarification with the common statement "suicide will ruin your family/friend's lives", and trying to gather around other people's perspectives. "Should you suffer for others" is really the same question we're discussing now haha.

But yeah as the topic is talked about and I think more on it as a whole, it seems to just be a situation that sucks a lot, and idk what to do.

it's a tough situation for sure. My plan is to just disappear. Would rather them not know

 

[BoredomSeeker]

who cares about family and friends if you want to complete ctb …. You don't have to complete ctb wondering what other people might feel, you will be doing it for yourself…. And tbh most people just care about themselves… I heard someone who constantly calls his friends names behind their backs and I'm here thinking oh how wonderful yeah "friends" for sure… if someone is willing call his own wife names then what is a friend…. I know someone who always claimed I'm their best friend and yes always slandering my name to anyone that could hear…. I guess some people are just obsessed with the word "friend"…

This is a pretty bad take in my opinion. Yea, there are shitty people out there who won't care. Who will pretend to care and then trash talk you after you're dead. But not everyone has family and friends like that. For many people, their family and friends is what keeps them going.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

This is a pretty bad take in my opinion. Yea, there are shitty people out there who won't care. Who will pretend to care and then trash talk you after you're dead. But not everyone has family and friends like that. For many people, their family and friends is what keeps them going.

Yeah that's the point, even if they are to trash talk you after you are dead, you will not be part of it and you will be at peace. And it truly takes a "special" person to trash talk someone who is dead.. but then given what o have seen on life nothing surprises me anymore, most humans takes pleasure of just being very cruel to another. Even if I were a billionaire I would still choose ctb that's how much I hate existing and it's a chore to me that I can't wait to escape from.