Does anyone feel that the time is coming?

[Defatigatis]

I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yes, but without a plan. I know there's no way I can live with the wretchedness of my young adulthood and somehow put a smile back on my face. 20-35 was one long moral collapse. I have no career, education, anything. This has to end.

Nice job getting the SN stuff.

 

[ringo99]

I'm 37 years old and have lost all hope of ever making something positive out of my life. Everything I've tried failed. Even getting a masters in business administration couldn't get me a promotion or a better job. Now I'm forced to learn highly technical certifications that are difficult to grasp at my age notwithstanding a neurological condition that makes it extremely hard to retain information. Without them I'll no longer be employable. A career change now is unthinkable. I need help that I'm never going to get. So tired of living and fighting at such a basic level under constant stress. I wish my country made it easy to get a gun like in some US states so I could end it painlessly with a bullet to the brain, but SN will have to do.

 

[MissAbyss]

Yes, I can't really put it into words. It's like an inner knowing. In the final stages of finding acceptance and closure with the last pieces of the puzzle to complete the puzzle.

 

[Defatigatis]

Yes, I can't really explain it into words. It's like an inner knowing. In the final stages of finding acceptance and closure with the last pieces of the puzzle to complete the puzzle.

I would express what i am feeling in the exactly same way.
It seems that all that remains to me is... total detachment from material things and finally moving on.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm 43 and I didn't expect to live that long. Only suffering. I hope I'll be free soon.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

I'm 34 (I'll be 35 in December) If I was a cavewoman, I'd consider myself long lived.

 

[autumn68]

i've felt this every day for at least the last year. i have pretty bad anxiety and ocd so it's partially related to that but idk. it feels very real

 

[peewee]

hoping it will be over in 2 days if I can get the courage

 

[Terrible_Life]

Yes I think my time has come. There's no reason to continue living. I wake up and the suffering begins until i go back to sleep. I fulfill no function I'm not helping, I'm not useful but instead just a wreck. I should have done it years ago and i regret that.

 

[braintorture]

wish it was. I was planning my suicide and planned it for next week or so but unfortunately I've been kicked out yesterday and I have to post pone my plans in a twisted turn of events and unfortunately (again) my anger and survival instincts are too high for me to have the strength to go back into planning suicide. so now I'm forced to try one more time to survive.
I definitely feel it coming though. I am probably not making it past 2026.

 

[Dark Moon]

I get the feeling that I won't be around for long, it's like some higher calling telling me that and it's not like I can turn my situation around anyway. I've also lived long enough.

 

[Irisse]

I feel like this year will either make it or break it for me. My earliest date is sometime in Summer of 2026 and strangely I feel something big is coming, but I don't know is it the end or something else.

 

[AntarusDragon]

I'll do it in November, I just don't have a choice. I'm mentally prepared to die and leave this physical body.. My existence on this planet is a mistake.

 

[hmnow]

Ever so close - its like dancing around the fire before I jump in

 

[Off_Switch]

I have reached the "happy" stage:



The weather is getting cooler. My thoughts are getting clearer. Going deep into the woods won't be as humid and unpleasant. Daylight savings time is around the corner. The days will get shorter, more depressing and more suicide-inducing. But Halloween will provide the excitement to CTB. It's the perfect time for me. I am highly considering next Oct. 31st as my day to go.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I don't know anymore. Turned 50 last week and it's so unreal. Cannot believe this is where I am, how everything up to now amounted to nothing really. I think next month will make or break me, when this spiral into the abyss started a year ago. I can relate to the fakeness and smallness of it all, and maybe I'm also trying to distract myself by routines, perhaps daydreaming, and holding on to a thread of hope on someone, in a future which seems blank.

Since getting SN, I've been a bit calmer, and getting the meds, finalizing affairs just a part of the process. I'm very much more aware of the reality of dying, of how fleeting all this is and how empty I am. Thanks to SaSu, I also know that I'm not alone in struggling, that I'm nobody special and that suicide is real for many of us. I haven't yet found my peace though and I hope that we all will, either way.

 

[lunar02102009]

I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.

Yes i do! And im so grateful for it.

 

[lost in the lilies]

I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.

I wouldn't say a feeling that I 'won't live that long' but more so that there's absolutely no way things will ever improve. I think people by default always run on a shred of hope that some positive change might come along, I'm always thinking of "what ifs", that although unlikely, can't be totally discredited. I think it's also the reason why I haven't truly committed to CTB, there's always that "what if" deep down that makes me afraid to die. But as time goes on it's like I'm running out of those "what ifs", and even the ones that remain look more and more unlikely. It has led me to think that maybe I was never really 'destined' for anything good, maybe I just supposed to be one of those people who didn't find their place in this world. Nobody ever wants or plans to become that person but I suppose someone has to.

Yes I think my time has come. There's no reason to continue living. I wake up and the suffering begins until i go back to sleep. I fulfill no function I'm not helping, I'm not useful but instead just a wreck. I should have done it years ago and i regret that.

That feeling of uselessness is really rough. I think it's probably one of the most painful thoughts I have. To look around myself and see that I am utterly useless, nothing more than dead weight & a disappointing burden on the shoulders of anyone unfortunate enough to know or have to put up with me. It makes me feel so pathetic and parasitic that I feel physically repulsed at my own reflection. Not that I wasn't already unsettled by my appearance, but this really made it worse. I'm sorry that you go through that as well.

 

[eternalpace]

Ten years ago, I felt for sure that the time was coming and it was a sure thing. But things didn't happen and my failure at the attempt made things worse. I've been through a lot of things since then, nothing positive. Now I live in a state where buying a gun is relatively easy and I'm much more confident that things will go according to plan.

 

[darksouls]

I wish I had not survived the sepsis.
I went to the hospital because I could not stand the pains.
at that time I did not know I was in a life-threatening condition.
I regret going to the hospital.
I would have been relieved of my suffering much sooner than I thought

 

[Forever Sleep]

I always believed I would die before the age of 40, because my Mum died at 40. I was so convinced I'd die young that I made my first will fairly young. I had inheritance money at that point. Which mostly went on education in the end.

But yeah- I kind of keep sensing I'm reaching the end but then, I'm wrong. This time last year, I couldn't see myself seeing a Christmas beyond the one right ahead but- here we are. I suppose it isn't Christmas yet though. There's still time...

I've always wanted to wait for my Dad to go first though- so that's the delay for me. After that, I'm just hoping I have the guts to do it.

It's weird though. I sometimes get dates in mind. Not to actually CTB but- dates I would be free of work commitments. It might seem stupid but, that's another consideration for me. But yeah- I can sort of feel myself mentally preparing to go and then, the date comes and goes and it turns out I can't. That in itself is exhausting- the rollercoaster of emotions.

 

[Greasyhair]

While my date might be anywhere between today and ten years it doesn't really matter since years have started going like flashes, and I expect it will only get faster.

 

[User111885]

Im not sure. My intuition is that there will a diffocult year, followed by some additional years, then suicide. But it could be much faster. I think and hope I won't be around 10 years from now, it woukd be awful if I were.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.

I've felt this way for some time. About a year. But idk if it's only the medication talking. I don't want it to be dragged out any longer, I'm suffering many health problems. I have had this impending doom. I didnt think I'd make it past this age but with the new year approaching I might make it. I've been in and out of the hospital.
May I ask why you think your time is coming? What do you think will take your life?

 

[Mooncry]

It's like a vague sense that I won't be around much longer. My SN has been sitting in a drawer for a year since I got it, and I've been too afraid to use it. But every day, the feeling doesn't go away. It's definitely stronger now, like I'm slowly finding acceptance of my death. Even then, I feel like I've been stagnating in the same spot for a while now, struggling to get over that last hurdle.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I wish I had not survived the sepsis.
I went to the hospital because I could not stand the pains.
at that time I did not know I was in a life-threatening condition.
I regret going to the hospital.
I would have been relieved of my suffering much sooner than I thought

Sepsis is a painful way to go but so are most ways to die.. I wish I didn't go to the hospital when I had a bad gi bleed but bleeding out can take a while.
Sepsis can be as fast as hours or can linger for a while.

wish it was. I was planning my suicide and planned it for next week or so but unfortunately I've been kicked out yesterday and I have to post pone my plans in a twisted turn of events and unfortunately (again) my anger and survival instincts are too high for me to have the strength to go back into planning suicide. so now I'm forced to try one more time to survive.
I definitely feel it coming though. I am probably not making it past 2026.

Do you think by suicide or naturally? Maybe many people think this every year but it seems a lot of people don't think they are making it past 2026. I wonder how much of it is individual thinking and how much of it is looking at the state of the world.

It's like a vague sense that I won't be around much longer. My SN has been sitting in a drawer for a year since I got it, and I've been too afraid to use it. But every day, the feeling doesn't go away. It's definitely stronger now, like I'm slowly finding acceptance of my death. Even then, I feel like I've been stagnating in the same spot for a while now, struggling to get over that last hurdle.

I wonder if finding acceptance of our death is truly a sign of it coming. Emts and nurses say when someone is feeling impending doom that can be a sign but I wonder how many people just feel that way anyway.
Do you think you will take your own life or go naturally?

While my date might be anywhere between today and ten years it doesn't really matter since years have started going like flashes, and I expect it will only get faster.

I miss when time went faster. For me every moment feels like an eternity. If time is going fast for you maybe that's not so bad. Enjoy your time and try not to overthink it.

 

[$ixty-2wo]

Yeah. I heard church bells yesterday at work and I took it as a sign [It was probably a doorbell and I'm reading too much into it but wtv]. I knew for a long time that I wasn't gonna make it to 30, but it seems like my time is coming soon.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I wouldn't say a feeling that I 'won't live that long' but more so that there's absolutely no way things will ever improve. I think people by default always run on a shred of hope that some positive change might come along, I'm always thinking of "what ifs", that although unlikely, can't be totally discredited. I think it's also the reason why I haven't truly committed to CTB, there's always that "what if" deep down that makes me afraid to die. But as time goes on it's like I'm running out of those "what ifs", and even the ones that remain look more and more unlikely. It has led me to think that maybe I was never really 'destined' for anything good, maybe I just supposed to be one of those people who didn't find their place in this world. Nobody ever wants or plans to become that person but I suppose someone has to.

That feeling of uselessness is really rough. I think it's probably one of the most painful thoughts I have. To look around myself and see that I am utterly useless, nothing more than dead weight & a disappointing burden on the shoulders of anyone unfortunate enough to know or have to put up with me. It makes me feel so pathetic and parasitic that I feel physically repulsed at my own reflection. Not that I wasn't already unsettled by my appearance, but this really made it worse. I'm sorry that you go through that as well.

I'm so sorry. I too feel like things won't improve. My hope died. Reality hit too hard.

I'm 37 years old and have lost all hope of ever making something positive out of my life. Everything I've tried failed. Even getting a masters in business administration couldn't get me a promotion or a better job. Now I'm forced to learn highly technical certifications that are difficult to grasp at my age notwithstanding a neurological condition that makes it extremely hard to retain information. Without them I'll no longer be employable. A career change now is unthinkable. I need help that I'm never going to get. So tired of living and fighting at such a basic level under constant stress. I wish my country made it easy to get a gun like in some US states so I could end it painlessly with a bullet to the brain, but SN will have to do.

What was the cause of your neurological condition? Mine is a combination of things. Spinal meningitis, concussions, seizures, trauma and medication. I think covid has affected people neurologically too.

I have reached the "happy" stage:



The weather is getting cooler. My thoughts are getting clearer. Going deep into the woods won't be as humid and unpleasant. Daylight savings time is around the corner. The days will get shorter, more depressing and more suicide-inducing. But Halloween will provide the excitement to CTB. It's the perfect time for me. I am highly considering next Oct. 31st as my day to go.

I want so badly to reach the happy stage but life circumstances and medication take that from me. What is your plan?

 

[Dukey]

i feel it alot stronger now.
Still have this last piece of lingering hope which i hate.
I'm broke right now once i have some money again, i'll buy some things for my method.

for months now i have been only thinking about death and been looking into actual methods and planning stuff.
Wrote my notes already.

When i have the things i need for my method, it probably would only take one extremely bad day to just say fuck it and go for an attempt.
maybe having the things needed to CTB at hand would make me give life another chance.
Just knowing i can end it anytime i want, gives me this strange feeling of relief and peace.

So i'm closer then ever to actually CTB, but i'm not sure if i'm quite ready yet.