does anyone else think “ill kill myself as revenge”?

[KiraComplex]

i dont personally, i just remember a friend of mine saying that. where someone pisses you off so much that you want to kill yourself to show them. i sorta get the mindset, sorta dont.
anyone experience the feeling?

 

[Mr2005]

A bit yeah. It's all emotional, slightly juvenile and I try to be a rational, reasonable person but sometimes I get so angry if I think about what's happened I think "her or me" ( referring to my mother). Obviously I'm not actually going to kill my mum and I don't think I should kill myself just because I think she deserves it (which is questionable anyway). I just don't care enough not to do it because of what her and my dad might think. I really don't give a shit and I think that is fair enough

 

[KiraComplex]

A bit yeah. It's all emotional, slightly juvenile and I try to be a rational, reasonable person but sometimes I get so angry if I think about what's happened I think "her or me" ( referring to my mother). Obviously I'm not actually going to kill my mum and I don't think I should kill myself just because I think she deserves it (which is questionable anyway). I just don't care enough not to do it because of what her and my dad might think. I really don't give a shit and I think that is fair enough

yes i see that.
to be honest, like if someone was mean to me at school, id plot their death a little bit and id have an image of me on the pavement bleeding. i dont know kinda fucked up you know???
but you and i have no intention of murder,,, then that drives the question- if we could immediately die at any given point, would we kill someone?
i have no idea what im talking about

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I don't really think about suicide as revenge much. Occasionally I just want to show a friend of mine that I can actually do it so maybe they will regret not trying to spend more time with me before I was gone. (If that makes any sense)

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Sometimes I do. I want to do it to show her how much she tore me up inside. She has no idea

 

[KiraComplex]

Sometimes I do. I want to do it to show her how much she tore me up inside. She has no idea

i felt this

 

[Rosieroo17]

I made a post similar about wanting certain people to be sorry for things they did.
But the truth is, as many pointed out, many people may not feel it.
Put it this way if they don't feel bad now for what they do they probably won't want to acknowledge when you are gone
Rarely people take responsibility for their own actions

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I used to feel this way when I was younger sometimes, but even then, I never seriously considered it. It was just a fantasy. My reasons for wanting to ctb now have nothing to do with anyone else, so it's not something I think about much anymore. Even though at my last job, I did fantasize a lot about killing myself at work in front of particular managers who were making life even worse for me, so there was that. But I was also dealing with hellish akathisia so that had a lot to do, or even all to do, with that mindset. Now, I just worry about hurting people, rather than wanting to, so quite the opposite. But I do understand the feeling very much and I honestly think it's rather normal human behavior. I imagine people who aren't even the least bit suicidal or mentally unstable have felt this before, in fleeting fantasies while upset.

 

[applegreenicecream]

Not meaning to insult anyone, but I tend to think of "I'll show them all. . . I'll kill myself and then they'll be really sorry" as a teenagery thing. It seems a bit juvenile.
It worries me a bit that in ctb, people WILL be angry at me. They will assume it was done as a spiteful act. Which is representative of how self focused we all are now. Everyone assumes everything is about them and done for them.

I've never hated anyone enough to seek a revenge that would destroy my children. Which my death could do. Although I was having a conversation with my daughter who is 8 at breakfast yesterday. Obviously I didnt tell her why, but I was trying to scope out her feelings about her life if something happened to me. I've been unwell and in bed for a lot of the last year and my kids briefly had to move out, so the notion of something happening to me is not a total shock to her.
Anyway she was quite excited at the thought of living in London with her appointed guardians and hoped to meet Tom Holland there. Hahaha. Which made me feel like she'll make the best of the situation without me.
To answer the question. . . For me suicide is not about revenge. Nobody is worthy enough to destroy yourself over just to elicit a reaction. And you're not around to see any reaction anyway. What's the point?

 

[Notabadguy]

Are you really serious? Do you listen to yourselves? CTB to show what to who? They will be glad that a crazy person is out of the way. I am prochoice, CTB is OK if you want to CTB. But, what are you talking about? "A bit juvenile", a bit? only a bit? Jesus Christ... CTB is a serious matter and, excuse me, but some of you are making it sound like childish. You are saying: "I want you to suffer, so I will inflict harm to myself to the pointo of CTB". I don't want to be unkind, but this thread just don't make sense.

 

[applegreenicecream]

Are you really serious? Do you listen to yourselves? CTB to show what to who? They will be glad that a crazy person is out of the way. I am prochoice, CTB is OK if you want to CTB. But, what are you talking about? "A bit juvenile", a bit? only a bit? Jesus Christ... CTB is a serious matter and, excuse me, but some of you are making it sound like childish. You are saying: "I want you to suffer, so I will inflict harm to myself to the pointo of CTB". I don't want to be unkind, but this thread just don't make sense.

In calling it "a bit" juvenile I was attempting to be diplomatic. There are a lot of vulnerable people on here. I dont think coming across all heavy handed and in attack mode is advisable.

 

[Antibody246]

most of them don't exist anyway.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Not meaning to insult anyone, but I tend to think of "I'll show them all. . . I'll kill myself and then they'll be really sorry" as a teenagery thing. It seems a bit juvenile.
It worries me a bit that in ctb, people WILL be angry at me. They will assume it was done as a spiteful act. Which is representative of how self focused we all are now. Everyone assumes everything is about them and done for them.

I've never hated anyone enough to seek a revenge that would destroy my children. Which my death could do. Although I was having a conversation with my daughter who is 8 at breakfast yesterday. Obviously I didnt tell her why, but I was trying to scope out her feelings about her life if something happened to me. I've been unwell and in bed for a lot of the last year and my kids briefly had to move out, so the notion of something happening to me is not a total shock to her.
Anyway she was quite excited at the thought of living in London with her appointed guardians and hoped to meet Tom Holland there. Hahaha. Which made me feel like she'll make the best of the situation without me.
To answer the question. . . For me suicide is not about revenge. Nobody is worthy enough to destroy yourself over just to elicit a reaction. And you're not around to see any reaction anyway. What's the point?

Yep, I fully agree. In my "note" I have included the fact that there is no one to blame and it is mostly due to internal issues rather than external.

 

[Antibody246]

I have thought bout it but, but then I remember most humans are soulless. they won't feel bad because they don't exist. it's all in our mind. My parents obviously are schizophrenic robots and I have nothing in this world.

 

[Oyoy]

I wish everyone who wanted to hurt people would ctb. Seems just the opposite. It's so much.better to hurt yourself rather then others.
The only person I'm mad at is myself so it would be revenge.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

As someone who endured severe mental, physical and sexual abuse it's not about revenge or that it's "juvenile" to feel like you want to show someone what they drove you to. Yes I agree sick sadistic abusers won't care if I cbt anyway but my abuser IS directly responsible because if I had never gone through the abuse I might not ctb. I just want them to know in the end they destroyed a life..to me its not getting revenge but telling the truth and exposing the fact that I couldn't recover from my traumas- all this is just my personal thoughts and feelings about my situation.

 

[Vault of Memories]

Definitely depends on the situation in my opinion. If the scenario is that one was sexually assaulted and the person wasn't held accountable for their actions, I don't feel the slightest bit sorry if they have your death on their conscience. Though I wonder if someone like that would even care. On the other hand if it's a petty breakup I don't think that's the right way to handle it. You've got to understand that whoever you blame in your not or however you do it is going to have this on their conscience for the rest of their life.

For me, I'm just clinically depressed. Sure I've got people who have been in my life that may have made it more difficult, but looking back whichever route my past took it would always lead me to this point.

 

[Notabadguy]

There is not de slightest chance to make feel somebody bal about your CTB. Only to your dear ones, who love you and don't deserve that. And even in the scenario that it would be possible, so what? You'll be dead, and they will be alive and glad that a mentally sick person is out of the way. You'll show yourself as the weak one to blame, so cray that even CTBs. CTB has to be another thing, a path you take because you decide that, not to blame anyone, because you will be not be doing any statement, you'll only be dead.

 

[nerve]

It's a perk, maybe, but not a reason for me. It'd be cool if my suicide kinda haunted the people who abused me, but I don't need it.

 

[Nem]

No I wouldn't kill myself out of revenge
Peace/hugs

 

[noaccount]

Yes I want to kill myself to hurt other people.
But then, I wouldn't be around to gloat about it, so what's the point?

 

[Beside You In Time.]

It's not juvenile. When the person is your parent and they've had such a major negative impact on your life that you cannot recover and they blame you for their actions or lack of action and behavior and you've been put out onto the street from their abusive behavior while blaming you, suicide is the only way to get back at your only living parent.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Sometimes I feel that way. My ptsd was basically caused by my father. We haven't even spoken in almost a year. I would be lying if part of me didn't want him to feel like shit

 

[faust]

Well, this is a quite complicated question.
I do not want it to be a revenge. But my parents have to understand once that they were beating and restricting a person with severe mental health problems, not a lazy one. They wanted me to be a person who they can be proud of, that would make them look like good parents, though they have never been. But I am not supposed to meet somebody's expectations, this is my path and unfortunately there are lots of things I cannot return...
They should know they were wrong although too late...
We say "Better late than never" - that is the case...

 

[NotMeantForHere]

i dont personally, i just remember a friend of mine saying that. where someone pisses you off so much that you want to kill yourself to show them. i sorta get the mindset, sorta dont.
anyone experience the feeling?

I sort of feel like me killing myself is nothing less than my parents deserve..

 

[Jumper Geo]

i dont personally, i just remember a friend of mine saying that. where someone pisses you off so much that you want to kill yourself to show them. i sorta get the mindset, sorta dont.
anyone experience the feeling?

No I wouldn't be that weak, face your problems tell them they made you feel like shit and ctb because you want to.

 

[bpdandme]

i dont personally, i just remember a friend of mine saying that. where someone pisses you off so much that you want to kill yourself to show them. i sorta get the mindset, sorta dont.
anyone experience the feeling?

I've definitely felt this before but I wouldn't act solely on that, a lot of people don't recognise the severity of my mental health struggles or think I'm lying. Sometimes I just want to prove a point.

 

[Enabran255]

I've constantly wavered on, when the time comes, sending a detailed suicide note to my former crush, explaining how my life has been flaming garbage ever since her BFF completely destroyed it 12 years ago and shoved me down this abyss. I've had the delusional idea that it might make her have some regret for the appalling way I was treated. The unfortunate and brutal reality is, she would likely not give a shit, think my note was "creepy," and would write me off as the crazy loony toon she already believes I am (thanks to said BFF's thorough hatchet job on my reputation within that entire former social circle of mine). I'm sure the event would be rife for a brand new round of gossip and badmouthing about me, as well. She has easily moved on from that whole debacle, her reality versus mine is night and day.

It's never been a matter of me not being able to "let go," as many have told me, the problem has always been my severely limited social, romantic, and career opportunities because of the lack of money. Life in our society is truly pay to play, pay to win.

 

[KiraComplex]

Are you really serious? Do you listen to yourselves? CTB to show what to who? They will be glad that a crazy person is out of the way. I am prochoice, CTB is OK if you want to CTB. But, what are you talking about? "A bit juvenile", a bit? only a bit? Jesus Christ... CTB is a serious matter and, excuse me, but some of you are making it sound like childish. You are saying: "I want you to suffer, so I will inflict harm to myself to the pointo of CTB". I don't want to be unkind, but this thread just don't make sense.

why so angry? you clearly did not read some of the responses. people are saying "i have thought about it but they are just fantasies" and therefore will not and arent even intending to act on it.... you seem like a button was pushed and yelling isnt helping

 

[Notabadguy]

Kiracomplex, I don't want to have an argument. I only said what I think. Regarding what you said about that I sound like a button was pushed... maybe you're rigth, seriously, maybe you're right, but not regarding CTB, it's too serious a matter, the most one in fact. I'm sorry that you're contemplating CTB, like me. I feel your pain, I'm in pain too, but I was only saying what I think. A lot of times I think about if I'm, regardless 39 years-old, still a spoiled child for wanting to CTB, instead of facing my problems. What I'm trying to say is that I'm far from perfect, and I don't want to sound patronizing, I said what I said only because I think that CTB to impress someone is totally wrong.

What makes me feel suicidal is an utterly wrong decision that I took last year, I think about if that was a little CTB, metaphorically speaking, to impress someone, I think it was not, but, at least, it was an utterly wrong decision based in the emotion, not in the reason. And maybte because of that I sound like a button was pushed, because what you say is totally based in the emotion, and you're talking about actual CTB, literally, not metaphorically.

But, of course, it's your life, and this is a prochoice site. Best wishes. Sincerely.