Does anyone else have people get angry at your suicidality?

[offbalance]

I feel like I'm visibly suicidal (could never really hide my emotions well) and I feel like people get annoyed/angry/patronizing toward that. They either get angry or desperately seem to try to convince themselves I'm wrong for thinking death can be better rationally. I think the truth makes people uncomfortable.

 

[that_guy2611]

Yes. It's pretty common that people won't really care or get angry until someone actually does kill themselves and then it's like 'oh no'

 

[offbalance]

Yes. It's pretty common that people won't really care or get angry until someone actually does kill themselves and then it's like 'oh no'

Yeah, it's crazy how embedded pro-life is in this culture. Religions probably a part of it and also just the need to be "tough"

 

[summertimestars4]

yep. it's bizarre, and only reinforces the idea that it's best to keep these thoughts secret to avoid harsh criticism. makes no sense at all lol if they really wanted to help they wouldn't pile on more suffering.

 

[WhiteDespair]

from the perspective of someone who experienced another's multiple attempts

the first few attempts are met with genuine concern

then the attitude shifts toward apathy
consider "again?" as the response to "x tried to ctb"

after apathy comes annoyance
concern is replaced with irritation
"I have to deal with this shit again?"

finally, the irritation grows into spite, hatred, anger
"fucking get it right next time"

takeaways
the more times you fail ctb, the more that people stop caring or become hostile
the annoyance toward failed ctb can be mitigated if you demonstarted non-ctb changes prior to the attempt - caveat: the demonstrations must be genuine attempts at change, uncovered deceit will increase annoyance
there is relief from observers after you successfully ctb since they no longer have to deal with the aftermath of failed ctb attempts. in general, 3 or more attempts is when concern starts to wane

 

[.............]

Yup. That's why I'm glad to find this forum full of like-minded people.

 

[Sherri]

Yes, in the past been called a coward, a drama queen, wanted the easiest way out, that life was beautiful. All the things I didn't wanna hear. Blocked all of them.

 

[Red Scare]

Yes. Banned, censored, removed from various Facebook groups and reddit subreddits and other places by people who experience cognitive dissonance over the idea.

Mostly met by indifference and disbelief from family. I think they're in denial, or they don't take me that seriously. But I'm just trying to let them know how I feel so that when I do something it doesn't come as such a shock to them. I think there's probably nothing I can do though, no matter what it's going to come as a surprise and it will probably hurt them but I'm not happy, and I'm not going to be. Their happiness is not my responsibility, I can't be expected to stick around and be miserable just because someone somewhere would be sad if I died.

 

[CelestialGoddess]

from the perspective of someone who experienced another's multiple attempts

the first few attempts are met with genuine concern

then the attitude shifts toward apathy
consider "again?" as the response to "x tried to ctb"

after apathy comes annoyance
concern is replaced with irritation
"I have to deal with this shit again?"

finally, the irritation grows into spite, hatred, anger
"fucking get it right next time"

takeaways
the more times you fail ctb, the more that people stop caring or become hostile
the annoyance toward failed ctb can be mitigated if you demonstarted non-ctb changes prior to the attempt - caveat: the demonstrations must be genuine attempts at change, uncovered deceit will increase annoyance
there is relief from observers after you successfully ctb since they no longer have to deal with the aftermath of failed ctb attempts. in general, 3 or more attempts is when concern starts to wane

I think it doesn't even matter only about the attempt time but just how long you continue showing the symptoms of depression and the more others notice it. They care a lot in the beginning but then they're like, "Okay, she's depressed," and don't care. Been called a drama queen far too many times. It's not my fault that my brain wants to flood my brain with intrusive suicidal thoughts.

I've noticed some people, specific teachers, just getting irritated for falling behind in school or my parents telling me I'm a drama queen when they're stressed out over me. My teachers were really caring and overly nice in the beginning but as it continued, I can tell some of them are just annoyed of my attendance because I keep skipping school in order to get over intense suicidal ideation. Sometimes they ask me why I wasn't there at school, and I have to just be like, "I don't know," and laugh it off because I don't want to say, "I was trying to kill myself." I think also about the fact that I keep myself in a good state a lot of the time (nice clothes, makeup, conversating), so I think that they imagine me just relaxing and using suicidal thoughts as an excuse to get it easier but really I just want to leave this earth. I have dealt with anger too. One of my parents, as I can tell, probably had some trauma as a kid due to being neglected and is not great at expressing or discussing emotions relating to weakness because it puts them in a state of too much vulnerability so they just conclude that suicide is stupid. But it's still hurtful when they said my attempt was dumb... It just makes you feel even more hopeless than you were before. And my other parent is always there by my side but eventually, she can't take the stress and then puts it all onto me magnified, making me feel worse than before. Just feel like a burden and misunderstood. Therapy hasn't been that great either. All I feel is just formal questions, and that's why I'm definitely gonna find some other therapist if I'm alive by then. I'm trying to live but yeah, I hope I can make my way through that gives me peace in the end whether it's solving my current situation or killing myself.

Sorry, I just dumped so much. Just wanted to say that it's kind of true to me.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I think it doesn't even matter only about the attempt time but just how long you continue showing the symptoms of depression and the more others notice it. They care a lot in the beginning but then they're like, "Okay, she's depressed," and don't care. Been called a drama queen far too many times. It's not my fault that my brain wants to flood my brain with intrusive suicidal thoughts.

I've noticed some people, specific teachers, just getting irritated for falling behind in school or my parents telling me I'm a drama queen when they're stressed out over me. My teachers were really caring and overly nice in the beginning but as it continued, I can tell some of them are just annoyed of my attendance because I keep skipping school in order to get over intense suicidal ideation. Sometimes they ask me why I wasn't there at school, and I have to just be like, "I don't know," and laugh it off because I don't want to say, "I was trying to kill myself." I think also about the fact that I keep myself in a good state a lot of the time (nice clothes, makeup, conversating), so I think that they imagine me just relaxing and using suicidal thoughts as an excuse to get it easier but really I just want to leave this earth. I have dealt with anger too. One of my parents, as I can tell, probably had some trauma as a kid due to being neglected and is not great at expressing or discussing emotions relating to weakness because it puts them in a state of too much vulnerability so they just conclude that suicide is stupid. But it's still hurtful when they said my attempt was dumb... It just makes you feel even more hopeless than you were before. And my other parent is always there by my side but eventually, she can't take the stress and then puts it all onto me magnified, making me feel worse than before. Just feel like a burden and misunderstood. Therapy hasn't been that great either. All I feel is just formal questions, and that's why I'm definitely gonna find some other therapist if I'm alive by then. I'm trying to live but yeah, I hope I can make my way through that gives me peace in the end whether it's solving my current situation or killing myself.

Sorry, I just dumped so much. Just wanted to say that it's kind of true to me.

I can relate to what you've said. having a parent who was abused/neglected and can't express emotions is rough. that was my mother. it really does affect you because they behave in non-standard ways (couldn't be wrong about anything, showed affection through material means, etc.) and it's very difficult to navigate. for me, the constant blame (being unable to admit errors or take suggestions made everything my fault, and, as lovely as it was, I was blamed by a relative for her first ctb attempt because my room was messy) and lack of noticable affection (a new video game is not the same as a daily hug).

yes, presenting yourself well makes people suspicious. even if just going through the motions. first day here I was researching ctb, then had a job interview, then went back to ctb. no one would ever guess. things would look different had I shown up completely dissheveled.

if there are teachers you can confide in you may be able to set a code phrase with them to state why you were absent without having to say why. for example, "I had to take care of my grandmother" can mean that you couldn't get out of bed, or "I needed to rush my pet to the vet" can mean that it was an extreme day but you're ok today.

People who lack an understanding of the internal dymamics of ctb won't get it until they actually do understand.

 

[orange]

I've literally never talked about my feelings with my mother, and she still got furious at me for playing this vaguely sad (but upbeat song). In the garage. While I worked on some furniture. To myself.

Like literally some people are just unhinged.

 

[Umbrella Weather]

While it is true that I have put my mother through hell when it comes to my attempts to ctb and numerous hospitalizations, she remains the only person other than doctors that I communicate with. My mother encourages talk of mental illness—both hers and my own—and there remains a bond due to that commonality: it can feel nice be able to talk about such things outside of a clinical setting (especially as she directly witnessed the causes of my C-PTSD). However, if I accidentally mention or reference my desire to die, things completely go off the rails and she becomes furious with me—often resulting in us not talking to each other for months. Therefore I have learned to walk a line with her which is both honest and reserved... Yet the knowledge that I am walking on the edge of a knife with her, so to speak, feels at once insincere and secondly incomplete—just as I feel with the rest of the world.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

After just an hour or two they usually become angry at me. "Are you actually going to buy something?", "You're blocking the exit." and "How did you get into my house?" are things people think are ok to say to me on a daily basis.

 

[silverspring]

Absolutely. Mostly it's because they know how many people I've lost to suicide and how devastated and inconsolable I was after every single death. Some of them call me jealous - some of it may even be, but I don't quite enjoy being called that, about this. I was just a little girl when my oldest brother CTB and it was really hard on me, even though I wasn't raised with him at all, so we weren't that close. But it kind of became an obsessive thought ever since I learned what it actually meant that he "died by suicide" and I got teased about it in school, because his death made it to the news. This was in the early nineties and idk, it felt very different to lose someone to suicide back then. I've lost a plethora of people to it since: my oldest sister, cousins, friends. In fact tomorrow is the seventh anniversary of one of my friend's suicides. It's been a rough week. I really hate when people tell me that I am selfish because of my suicidal ways. Or get angry. I haven't even been to a doctor in almost 10 years because I'm so private and don't want to be judged because of my feelings. My attempts even became less because of this worry. I hate myself because I feel weak. I want to die, but I know what it's gonna cause. Anger, not devastation. Not that I even want anyone to be devastated over me. It's just a frustrating situation I'm in. Sorry if this felt rambly - lol. I'm a little tipsy and can't seem to keep thoughts straight.

 

[Red Scare]

After just an hour or two they usually become angry at me. "Are you actually going to buy something?", "You're blocking the exit." and "How did you get into my house?" Are things people think are ok to say to me on a daily basis.

Is this just a bad joke or something?

If you are blocking the exit to prevent people from leaving some place, or you are in someone's house uninvited and they want you to leave, then that is not normal behavior and I can definitely see why it would make people uncomfortable.

 

[Gsvko]

Think people get angry over things they don't understand and are an inconvenience to them. When I got an ed as a kid, my whole family was pissed. Think it was fear as well. I chose to not voice my sucidality anywhere but here - to people that could understand. And for the ones that care, unless you're very old or have something physically terminal, it can be hard for them to grasp on your suffering imo. At least mine. It'd go against every instict of theirs to support something like a suicide decision unless it says on a paper that you're for sure fcked.

 

[Al_stargate]

I have had bad experiences with saying that I don't want to live anymore. People don't know how to deal with it so they usually make it worse. Treats of hospitalization, mental ward, anything just to get you off their back, which I guess I understand. In my case, there isn't much anyone can do for me so what's the point in bringing it up. I feel like I'm just getting in the way of their happiness. My situation is in part fault of my family in a direct way so I don't feel too bad about how they feel or will feel.

 

[jodes2]

My gf and I fight about it every time I bring it up so I hide it now

 

[domedune]

It challenges people's worldviews. For people who know you personally it might challenge their perception of power over you or their perception of being good support. I think this was the case with my mother.

 

[SexyIncél]

It helps to subtly probe people first. A minority of people are pretty interested, and entirely respectful of your decision, if you're interesting about it. For example, if you've studied the mechanisms leading you to consider euthanasia, and can talk calmly (even humorously) about it. But that also requires speaking skills, and brevity -- rather than talking their ears off.

Others will be traumatized, and can't hear it. Which is weird when they're caring with terminal physical illnesses, but not mental illnesses. If you truly wish euthanasia, perhaps you should avoid and lie to them. Otherwise, they may do things that make things far worse for you, flailing about with no careful consideration for your perspective and needs.

And it puts them on the spot. If you decide euthanasia, they feel they must intervene against that decision. And they typically don't have the skills or willingness to be helpful about it; they're just blunt and mean.

Remember, once you're sufficiently serious about euthanasia, they will literally consider you "irrational", and thus must not be allowed agency. Imagining themselves more rational than you, they will control you. Even though they haven't studied the philosophical concept of "rationality", much less considered issues like "my body, my decision."

 

[Astral Storm]

My family. I try to talk about this openly but they always get really angry. Then they wonder why I don't tell my problems to them. They are so judgemental and belittle my feelings and views.

 

[Musketeer]

I used to have family members who did it, now i moved away and keep to myself.

 

[wait.what]

Sometimes, although for whatever reason I've lately gotten more hostility over my preferred method (shotgun) than the fact that I'm suicidal at all. I think part of what drives the anger is the assumption that I would shoot myself in the house and leave a really horrible mess for someone to clean up. That problem is easily avoided though, by just . . . not doing that. As I understand it, there are other places in the world than just my house. Some of these places don't even have custodians on staff, like the woods. (Well, they do, but they're bugs and critters and stuff.)

I'm also bewildered by the people who get upset about how ugly a corpse I'll leave. Exactly how appealing do they imagine corpses get? In old-timey days they used to put bags over condemned people's heads before they hanged them, because a strangling person's face was just too freaky to look at. And that was according to people who got their jollies watching public executions. Death is just gross. I wouldn't bother fretting over the relative loveliness of your deceased body. All corpses are very nasty. I wish people wouldn't kid themselves about such things.

 

[blue_muse]

I roll my eyes at people who get angry, because I have every right to feel suicidal. Those same sanctimonious types would be researching every suicide method, if they experienced my health and living circumstances.

 

[justtoojaded]

I told my guy friends a couple weeks ago that I was suicidal. They said " You're not gonna do it, because we won't let you."

 

[SexyIncél]

I told my guy friends a couple weeks ago that I was suicidal. They said " You're not gonna do it, because we won't let you."

Wish they'd at least say, "Oh shit, how can we support you so you'll WANT to stay alive!?"

But god forbid they do something so effective...

 

[deformedface]

Ive told people who I used to talk to, after telling them about this, they didnt ever talk to me again. People ghost those who are not happy all the time, at least from what ive felt. this is why i dont tell anyone my feelings, i dont know how they will take it

 

[justtoojaded]

Wish they'd at least say, "Oh shit, how can we support you so you'll WANT to stay alive!?"

But god forbid they do something so effective...

Fortunately, they were pretty supportive. I stayed at one's house for 2 weeks. I'm not currently suicidal but I was for those 2 weeks. I'm usually suicidal for 1 to 2 weeks every month though since February. I'll probably CTB next month or October.

 

[outrider567]

Nobody knows, I prefer it that way

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

My family. I try to talk about this openly but they always get really angry. Then they wonder why I don't tell my problems to them. They are so judgemental and belittle my feelings and views.

My family too. When my dad looked through my phone and found out I was wanting to ctb when I was a teenager, he screamed and started throwing things around the house (he threw a dresser into the wall). Then he screamed at me and told me to "just do it then."