Venting people not understanding me and getting burdened by it

[DBD Trapper]

I've been in a household where I was emotionally neglected, my parents were very distant and other abusive things happened which I've not gotten over yet. When I try to explain these things to people who say they care about be or my behavior is bad they get really upset and saying sorry or making up for it wont work either. I've tried to get help, but it's either that I don't get or the problems I have get dismissed why a certain kind of help has failed at the moment. Rinse and repeat until tired.

I want guidance, I stopped talking with my family 3 years ago and it felt I've lived in a lie my whole life before that, they have gotten to hurt me without me fighting back because I thought it was ok. There's no help for my trauma and the progress I make is way too slow for how this world goes. This place is where I feel like I can type this to feel a bit better having this out of my brain.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

That sounds rough
Trauma work is always slow going. And difficult..
But that doesn't mean you can't make progress and feel a bit better, bit by bit! Is it an option to find any sort of trauma informed therapist?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I probably haven't suffered as badly as you but, I have had unpleasant things happen in childhood- enough to make me want to CTB age 10.

Moving forward is tricky. Things were obviously bad enough for you to make the decision to cut all ties. I think sometimes, that can be the best thing to do but obviously, there can't be any form of discussion, understanding, venting, or forgiveness with them if you aren't speaking to them. So, in that sense, you won't resolve things with them.

I guess the next step is to try and cope alone with those experiences and memories. I think the shit that happens to us in childhood absolutely does influence how we interact with people as we live out the rest of our lives.

I guess that's where the problem seems to be. From what you've said, are people picking up on behaviours they don't like or, you're noticing them in yourself? And, you figure you are acting that way because of your upbringing?

I can somewhat relate. I figured out eventually that I was prone to limerence- obsessive crushes on guys. Fortunately really, I was too shy to become a nuisance to them so- all it really hurt was me and the friend I continually droned on to. I think limerence can develop out of unmet emotional needs in childhood. We desperately start seeking it elsewhere. Not that my childhood was terrible. I did receive love but, it was disrupted by bereavement, remarriage etc.

Ultimately though, I could see that it was really harmful to me. So- while I forgave myself for having it. That was part of the problem- I used to feel so embarassed and ashamed for liking these guys so intensely. I realised that I would need to work to putting a stop to it.

That's all I can really advise. So- try to be kind to yourself for wanting to behave in a certain way- it could very well be a reaction to your upbringing. But then, if you know it's an unpleasant way to act. If you know it upsets other people- I think you do need to take a moment and, try not to do whatever it is.

I suppose ultimately- 'sorry' can't be genuine for anything if we keep repeating the action we know hurts another person. If we have enough awareness to realise what we're doing is harmful to others, or/ and ourselves, that's the first step to stopping it.

Obviously ignore this if I'm prying but, what is it you think you do that is unwelcomed by others? What could you try to do instead?