Venting Doctors running in circles

[ladidabi]

I got results from the complete blood count, everything looked perfect. Yet I know for my next appointment they will still suggest I'm deficient is something, who even knows what it is. Though I was very surprised at the results, it won't really solve anything.

Every time I straight up mention I'm depressed and suicidal, I get hit with «yep, lacking vitamin D» or «walk more».

My neurologist SWORE I had a poor diet which caused my chronic migraine.

I would understand it if this was when I was over 200 pounds a few years ago. Or if I was a literal skeleton. I might hate my looks but I can clearly see that objectively my proportions are balanced and have a lean figure. I don't know if they're doing an attempt to motivate me even harder to restriction as self harm. As someone with PCOS, tests show hormones are balanced due to effective treatment, so they can fuck off with that too.

With all this, I'm not deficient, and second, the physical pain that has been worsening since I started walking as a baby had been from pain in my feet, and now up to my hips. I still walk weird, insoles aren't helping and haven't for the past 15 years.

I'm already feeling enough like shit, and the chronic pain is worsening it. If only I didn't express it I would understand, but I am literally writing on a document, printing, and handing over the paper explaining my pain, where, how long, what has been done, results and EVEN suggestions for treatment or referrals to a specialist.

After 3 months of waiting I got an appointment at a psychologist in another part of my city after the last one (who was still a student in practice) dismissed all the trauma I expressed, and even suggested I go back to the job I quit where I was physically attacked and sexually harassed by this one patient who also stalked me off-work hours. I had two GPs assigned to me at the time, and both of them were telling me to get away from that job ASAP, years prior to me quitting.

This post is very chaotic. My point is, even though their assumptions are disproven, they will continue to cycle around, doing anything but acknowledging that I have been very clear that I'm depressed and suicidal for the past decade. This including the physical pain I have which restrict me in day to day life.

My GP said last week that she will look into another type of antidepressants for me, because the one I'm currently taking was more targeting my migraines. Honestly it's been 4 months since starting it and it's literally documented that it did nothing to calm the pain. But whatever I guess. Keep pumping me with medication until my brain is fried. I have already been on so many that don't do anything. I just really need to ctb, it's the only thing that will silence the pain.

I remember when I went to my old GP for the first time regarding my depression and frequent disabling anxiety attacks. I was still in middle school. It started with «touch grass, drink and eat well, have friends», and we are still here. How exciting.

Nothing ever happens.
People fail to understand that people who kill themselves are not weak, but have been through so much bullshit which isn't acknowledged, that it becomes overwhelming. When you have been overwhelmed for years with no one is backing you up, how does that make a person weak?

 

[Topaz111]

I'm so sorry you have been struggling with the medical system for so long and keep going in circles. I am experiencing this as well and most chronically ill people do to some degree, especially if they are young.

As you said, suicidal people are not weak, "Any bone will break if you put enough pressure on it". Our minds are not indestructible, we all have a breaking point. People would rather call you weak and insult you, than admit that anyone could become suicidal if they experience enough trauma and pain. Acknowledging that is scary to them because it means that they are not immune to it either.
This is incredibly common with physical chronic illnesses/disabilities too. People think that if they eat and sleep well, excersize and touch grass they can never become disabled so when they speak to someone disabled they assume that that person must have done something wrong or "deserved it" in some way. This is why so many people (including doctors) will suggest the same basic fixes over and over again even though you have tried them and it didn't work. They would rather say you "aren't trying hard enough" than admit that anyone could become disabled at any moment, including them and there is nothing one can do to become immune to it. They also often deny that some illnesses are incurable or very hard to cure.
Personally I have found that it actually makes some doctors less likely to listen to you if you are "too well prepared" and organized especially if you are suggesting treatments/tests. Most doctors have incredibly fragile egos and hate it when a patient is well informed and advocates for themselves. It's like they see us as "misbehaving children who question the autority of their parents". They think we have to take their word as gospel and never question them because they went to medical school so they must be omniscient and always right no matter what.
It is the most infuriating, frustrating, terrifying mind game to balance advocating for yourself without coming off as "argumentative, defiant and uncooperative". Having to trick them into thinking they were the ones to come up with your ideas just so they agree to do their damn job.
We are so fucked.
I really hope things improve for you, but I 100% understand if you do CTB, it is my reason as well.