Discussion Do your suicidal thoughts feel like a part of your personality? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

I guess this maybe happens more with long-term ideation. I've had these thoughts since I was 10- so- 33 years now. I can't really imagine myself non pessimistic/ cynical/ suicidal. Passive ideation has been a part of my every day thinking for so long, so it's like it has become a part of my identity/ character. I think that's another reason I would feel reluctant to get rid of them almost.

There is a certain comfort in having them. Not just the whole- I can potentially exit when I can't cope anymore but- just the familiarity. Plus- I'm creative and I think creative people sometimes wear their non conformist, terribly tragic and pessimistic outlooks as a kind of badge of honour. (Not saying that's healthy of course.)

I imagine for someone who has only recently experienced ideation. If those thoughts are unwelcome and intrusive or- if they're not sure how they feel about them- they may be experienced as kind of outside thoughts rather than intrinsic to who they are. What's your experience?

 

[Abyssal]

I am the same. Doesn't even feel trauma related, it's like I was born to want to die.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My suicidal thoughts are not a part of my personality. I was neither passive nor active suicidal for most of my life. They are induced by external factors that make suicide a logic consequence and decision to prevent myself from further suffering in life. I also assume that my suicidal ideation could disappear almost completely if the external factors causing it could be eliminated in a way that satisfies me.

 

[Mitsumi]

Mine are. I thought about suicide since 9 or 10. I tried to drown myself at around that age. With trauma and problems it only got more exacerbated.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah. I literally got no personality to myself aside from being depressed and feeling shitty and feeling tired all the time. This is.. just who I am.. who I'll always be

 

[Scythe]

It is a part of my identity, I remember a long time ago when it wasn't. For me it's more what caused me to want to die is deeply rooted in my belief that society sucks and I shouldn't be living in it. That belief among other things is also a big part of my identity, my identity caused me to want to die, and so being suicidal has became a part of my identity as well.

 

[vitbar]

Yes, but I also recognise that personality is maleable.

You cannot step into the same river twice.