Discussion Do your parents expect a lot of you?

[Forever Sleep]

Whether it be in terms of your 'success' in life- perhaps your career or education. You're family status. Your behaviour or religion- do your parents- or other family members expect a lot of you?

How does it make you feel? Has it helped you to succeed maybe- or, does it bring about more pressure than you feel able to cope with? Do you share their ambitions for you or is it a source of tension?

My Dad will say stuff like- 'I only want you to be happy.' To an extent- I believe that. Still- what he REALLY means is- I want you to be able to support yourself entirely (especially financially) and be happy. Which- ironically- I probably can't! To support myself financially will most likely mean finding a job I hate again and being too tired in any downtime to actually enjoy it. (Not that I intend to sponge off of him.) I don't think they see that expectation as unreasonable- seeing as- that's what they did. That's what was expected of them afterall. I can't help but feel my anti-natalism flaring up.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

They expect me to keep living in spite crippling dysphoria even though they don't realize how terrible it is, so that seems like a lot for me.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i put they expect some things because what they expect of me has changed a lot over the years, and they've never been aggressive or controlling to try and get me to achieve their expectations if that makes sense.
when i was younger they expected a lot of me education and career wise because i seemed promising early in school. but since my mental health declined considerably during and after school their expectations gradually declined, from the highest grades, to pretty good grades, to ok grades, to barely passing, to "at least you go to school sometimes". even out of school, they thought id grow up to be tall, attractive, outgoing and successful, but i grew up to be a short, ugly, anxious failure.
now they dont expect much of me at all, or at least they dont tell me. they still say stuff like "you could have gotten such good grades and gone to university" or "we always thought youd do so great" which hurts bc now they probably dont even expect me to wake up in the morning. they still want me to be successful and get a good job, mostly so im not homeless by the time they go, but ill be dead before they are. and as you said, that is unreasonable and unreachable for me. i will never be able to be independently financially stable, which to them probably seems like the bare minimum of an expectation. sometimes i wish they expected more of me now or at least tried to push me to do better, it feels like theyre just watching me rot away and blaming me for my downfall.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

My parents are the prime example of this.

The thing is, they are REALLY book smart, but have ZERO street smarts. My father has a PhD in Physics and my mother an incomplete Master's in Geology. They're (especially my father) also very arrogant.

When I was in Middle school I had already finished a book of all High school maths. In Middle school they would constantly say that I could be smarter than the teachers if I put a bit more into homeschooling.

In High school, my parents wanted me to dedicate myself so I could get a scholarship abroad as an easy ticket to the United States.

In University, they wanted an Engineer. And I got into the stupid Computer Engineering course. I'm also not fit for Engineering. SCREW Signals and Systems, analog circuits, and everything Fourier. I'm praying I still have time to switch to Computer Science, and MAYBE finish a FIVE-YEAR degree in like TWELVE YEARS' time.

Being happy? Friends? Being normal? NAH. You can do that AFTER your studies! Don't be yourself. You can get better friends. What's emotional support? aSk GoOgLe! All of art and humanity is pointless. I swear to god, I learned the meaning of Empathy AFTER I already was in University!

Role models? They ended up relatively rich, but with no friends, family, personal hygiene, or hobbies to speak of. Pointless ego arguing that goes on for literal hours? Do-it-for-the-kids marriage?

They weren't abusive, but they weren't supportive.

All I am right now is much more a product of the school of hard knocks and not much of parental love.

Life sucks.

 

[outatime_85]

At this point in my life, my entire family has written me off as a failure and is largely hands-off when it comes to me (the non-successful child).

That said, they still expect me to become successful, and they let me know that I will not be a full member of said family until I have attained said success.

Meaning that if I outright die or am given a gravely ill prognosis before gaining success, I will not get a pass from any of them; their response will be that I should have become successful before getting such a prognosis.

Basic rules of the circle I was born into:

You are expected to do it on your own, with no hand-holding or guidance.

There is no backup.

You are issued a proverbial one-way ticket into the real world, and you are on your own.

If you fail and come back, you are reminded of your failure.

If one fails, do not expect any rescue, even if one returns to the pack fold.

If you do not ever return because you have failed and are embarrassed about it, and you end up on the streets, too bad.

When notified, someone may identify the body or not.

 

[suicidalloser]

what parents? do you know where they are nowadays?

 

[Actovania]

They have pretty low expectations of me. They tell me everything I have to do, but I don't know why I still can't do them. Despite the low expectations I feel like a big disappointment especially since my brother is studying chemistry and is successful in university. I don't know how or if I can be as gratifying as he is.

 

[SweetRolls3]

I've tried to fit my parents' rigid mold of who they want me to be, to secure a financial safety net for myself. But I'm starting to realize that in order to conform to their arbitrary vision, I would have to forever compromise aspects of myself. They are staunchly religious. Already my bits of resistance are causing cracks to form in our relationship. Maybe it's best this way though.

 

[m1v]

Not anymore. My mom used to expect a lot of me. As her 'child', she didn't want to be shamed from anyone looking at me. Am pretty much a failure.

After my first 'attempt', she has completely lost all faith & hope in me. She still has high expectations for my siblings though.

 

[loyalskateboard]

My mum just wants me to stay alive. That's it :/ honestly I feel so fucking guilty all the time. I know I have it really good, she is my carer and very non-judgemental. It's to the point I could become a heroin addict and she wouldn't care. I mean, in that hypothetical scenario, she wouldn't be pleased, but she would continue to help me. I'm really really grateful I just wish I could be normal for her.

 

[Celerity]

The expectations were very high when I was a kid, but now my parents have said explicitly multiple times that they only want me to be happy. I think it is because they have lost the foolish pride of their younger years. I like to think I have too until it bubbles up again after being threatened.

 

[The anhedonic one]

My parents hated me. The only expectations they had was to expect me to suffer.

 

[Unending]

They expect me to keep living. That feels like too much sometimes.

 

[ctvunny]

Yes, not just my parents but from siblings too and so is my other relatives. I can tell just by the look in their eyes at how disappointed/disdain they are.

 

[Nakiya]

When I was younger yes. But they're divorced now. My mom still constantly guilt trips me but it's not as bad as before.

 

[anhedonicNfoggy]

Yes, they expect a lot. They're obsessed with money, status, legacy, branding, virtue-signaling