Do you think about how family will feel?

[LastFlowers]

Do they think about how I feel as I writhe and suffer each and every moment of my torturous existence?
No.

So the answer is No.

Either way, they will not give a single fuck unless it's to use my death as a way to gain sympathy points (and other self-serving goals of that nature).
Life will go on as if nothing happened at all.

 

[FailureGirl]

I worry about them especially my mum I don't want them to hurt or worse for my ctb to cause a domino effect on those I love leaving them feeling depressed, I also worry that they won't understand why I ctb or that they will think I was selfish.

I don't want to taint any special events in their future with the memory of it either so Im trying to avoid ctb near any birthdays or special events.

 

[Murasa]

I worry a lot about my friends, my siblings and close family, it has been a headache trying to put everything in order to minimize the impact of my suicide on them as much as possible, grief linked to guilt is something terrifying, I experienced it and I don't want the people I care to go through something like that under any circumstances.

About my parents... They'll probably feel devastated or guilty at first, but then, in the depths of their beings, they'll be thankful that their "accident" eliminated herself and she's no longer a burden to them. No matter how hard I tried, I'm not a worthy daughter and I'll never be.

 

[LastFlowers]

If I don't ctb, I'll live long enough to see everyone I care about abandon me and I can't deal with that.

Already happened to me, yet somehow continues to get worse.
I basically have to beg to be remembered, out of sight/out of mind.

 

[Mixo]

So many of these responses suggest abuse at the hands of our family. I suppose I am no different.

My family have scarred me past the point of repair through their abandonment and denial. While there have been times these last few years that I have wished regret and pain upon them with my death, I have let go of the desires for some imagined redemption. They will have to face gossip and judgment for the rest of their lives, as people will undoubtedly question how they conducted themselves that there were multiple suicides in the family. For people who are particularly concerned with their status and social image, that's something they will have to live with and not me. They will continue to live, unhappy, but having dodged the bullet of dealing with me.

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

I feel like my dad would pass away a year or two after my death and my mom would stop doing her hobbies. I don't know how my brother would feel but I think he'd become withdrawn. I love them so much but I'm just a burden on them and I really wish there were a way to just erase my existence and make everyone forget about me. I'm just too weak for this world. I wish I were never born. Maybe my family would be better off without me. They spend a lot on my medicines, so yeah.

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

I don't care about my family, but occasionally feel guilt when thinking of friends. But I'm a burden anyway, right?

 

[Zzzzz]

Yes I do but I cannot live a life of unhappiness for the sake of others.I find that unreasonable.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Sometimes the thought crosses my mind, but usually when they're saying something banal like how I have to start planning for my future or worrying about my health or any dumb bullshit like that. I end up thinking of just how great it would be to be free from people nagging at me all the time to be better when I clearly don't want to which means I never will.

Any amount of "feeling bad" I'd suffer from the thought of my suicide is greatly overshadowed by the relief I'm going to feel knowing that my friends and family who actually want me alive are incredibly misguided and frankly quite stupid for not trying to cut me off now since I'm such a terrible person. I mean I'm no Hitler (yet) but imagine feeling bad for his relatives just because he killed himself.

Don't feel bad for anyone who comes to this site mourning my death. Screenshot this post if you must. Those people are trying to apologize for evil and they should be mocked as such. They're blind to the amount of hatred and malice that will be gone from the world once I am gone as well. A world without me in it is automatically a slightly better one and nothing they could do could have stopped me so anyone who thinks they could have tried is also an idiot.

Do I feel bad or guilty sometimes for them? Yeah. Sometimes. That isn't enough to stop me though. In fact, the thought of my mom crying still isn't enough to stop me even though she's done so much for me. I used to think I'd care but the sad thing is, I don't. I'm not sure if I ever did. Chalk that up more to me being evil I suppose. I'm used to it by now.

The only things that could keep me alive are completely selfish. No amount of sentimentality or empathy will save me at least not from anyone I currently know.

 

[LoneMisery]

It does hurt butbits a reason why ive deleted all social media accounts to avoid staying in touch with people. My closest friends and family members i feel dont believe how serious i am so i sometimes want to do it just to peove them wrong. I havent seen or talked to my brother in months.
My main plan is to get out of my familys house and to lose contact with everybody. Leaving the sim card and keys at the door. I also plan on going to a remote area in the woods that i know nobody has been or will be for a long time. I want to decompose into the ground. I want to give back to her. Its life people and myself i hate. Earth didnt do anything wrong she deserves to have my energy back into it

 

[Shu]

It does hurt butbits a reason why ive deleted all social media accounts to avoid staying in touch with people. My closest friends and family members i feel dont believe how serious i am so i sometimes want to do it just to peove them wrong. I havent seen or talked to my brother in months.
My main plan is to get out of my familys house and to lose contact with everybody. Leaving the sim card and keys at the door. I also plan on going to a remote area in the woods that i know nobody has been or will be for a long time. I want to decompose into the ground. I want to give back to her. Its life people and myself i hate. Earth didnt do anything wrong she deserves to have my energy back into it

We should all be buried back into the Earth. That's gonna cause your family more panic though, right? Because now they don't know what happen to you and are going to report you missing.

 

[completely-done]

Not anymore, I refuse to continue living just because it will make people feel at ease. It's not fair to myself

 

[waitingforrest]

I don't really care anymore sadly. They all will die at some point in life. Same goes for me, but just early. I still feel guilty sometimes, even though I know I won't be there to see it. I guess it's just human to worry about the future and life even when facing death.

 

[LoneMisery]

We should all be buried back into the Earth. That's gonna cause your family more panic though, right? Because now they don't know what happen to you and are going to report you missing.

At this point i just dont care. If i just walk out the house and not come back hopefully they just think im out on a bender and by the time they decide to look for me ill have had been decomposing for a few days..which will eliminate any service for me. I dont want a funeral i dont want to be burned or burried with a grave stone i want to vanish from existence.

 

[Ready2GoNow2022]

I struggle daily with how this will affect my wife. She will be absolutely gutted. The only reason that I haven't cbt yet is because of her. But things are getting desperate now, I literally have no respite from the thought of cbt other than when I am asleep.

 

[MatthewV3]

Fuck them. I only feel sorry for my dog because he will never see me again.

 

[TheWood]

It's always interesting to read conflicting opinions between those who care about their family and those who don't. I think many people here (not all) come from situations of toxic and frustrated parents who don't deserve the parental role they have. I understand you

 

[Noctis]

A few people will be very sad; that's why I haven't done it yet.

But what I keep telling myself is if I went to go fight in Ukraine, or became a missionary in Africa, or even became a secret service agent and never saw any of my friends or family again, they would be sad but they would understand I'm just following my calling.

Well, my calling in life is to kill myself. That's what will make me happiest. I know they won't understand, but that's what's going to happen.

 

[deleted]

honestly all the hate in the world is little for my family one of the reasons for me to be the person I am today

 

[Chiisai]

Yes though im caught in dilemma. Im thinkinf of how'd they feel of my passing but at the same time, Im also thinking of the financial and emotional trouble Im causing them for staying.

 

[BigGimpin]

I am going through with this one way or another eventually but it is making my stomach turn thinking about the amount of pain it's going to cause my parents and siblings.. I feel so selfish and it's going to destroy them. How do you feel when you think about your family or people who love you and how it will affect them? Just curious..

That is what I am struggling the most with right now, and the only thing keeping me here. I love my mom and my older brother soooo much, but I know they dont like seeing me in so much physical pain. They have seen my body slowly deteriorate over the years. I have been in this fucking wheelchair for 37 years!

Isnt it selfish of them for wanting me to stay alive even though I am in so much pain? I am really struggling with that also.

@.CTB sorry I wasnt around to chat yesterday, had a bad day and was feeling very antisocial.

 

[Eternity]

Devastated but also relieved in some sense. They see that I'm dying slowly while being alive due to severe depression and other mental illness.
I feel guilty and sorry for them, it's really the only thing that keeps me alive for now.

 

[xrosex]

I think my parents and sibling would feel sad but after abit they would just carry on with their own lives as if I'm not around…. as that's way it is so doubt me leaving this world would make much difference. Just be usual process of grieve which would not last long.

 

[Shu]

U

 

[SimpleSimon]

Both my parents ctb when I was 9 (a few months apart - not a pact). The first time I considered ctb I was at uni, and I was so in my world I was unable to even remember anyone else existed. Since then I've been angry that I didn't get it right, and that now others keep holding me here, as I do remember the pain I went through with mum and dad. Now I have kids, and my eldest it both the age I was, and very emotionally needy. My youngest has learning disorders, and needs help to get through the day, but it is my eldest that I worry most about. Honestly it delays my actions, so I'm left questioning my feelings, and feeling resentment for being unable to stop the pain

 

[Chico56]

Relieved.

 

[its-about-time]

It makes me feel absolutely awful. But in the end, it might be better for them. No more having to worry about me. I think grieving is better than what I do to them now.

 

[Al_stargate]

My parents will be devastated as I'm their only kid. But we don't have much in common and they never gave much of a shit about me, so I guess decision to ctb will not be super hard. I mean I feel bad but I'm struggling a lot, can't live for others. Other relatives won't care much, will give them something to gossip about.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I do. I know I owe my life to no one, but this past year or two my mom and I have just started to have a genuinely positive relationship after years of neutrality or, earlier on, emotional abuse on her part. She's trying to change and I'm proud of her beyond belief, but she doesn't know that I want to ctb.

I know my death will devastate her, and others in my family that I'm extremely close to. It will be shocking, they may (incorrectly) blame themselves, and I'm scared it will prompt my mom to undo the progress she's made.

But I am so tired. Emotional connections only get me so far, and they feel flimsier by the day. There are fewer and fewer things that I can rely on to pick my mood up. And even when it is up, I recognize it as a precious and fleeting thing. From the bottom of my heart, I do not want to exist. But for now, I'll endure. I don't want to hurt anybody.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I am going through with this one way or another eventually but it is making my stomach turn thinking about the amount of pain it's going to cause my parents and siblings.. I feel so selfish and it's going to destroy them. How do you feel when you think about your family or people who love you and how it will affect them? Just curious..

I sometimes wish they'd go out and die in a car crash, so I can CTB without a care in the world. Because I'm a selfish motherfucker!